Gay Ass Gossip: Robert Pattinson To Be Shirtless Again

ITEM – Catch that swooning Goth tween, Robert Pattinson will be going sans top in an upcoming film. He tells EW that he’s gonna be givin’ us that thinspo for David Cronenberg‘s Cosmopolis. “I have to change my body shape quite a bit. I’m playing one of those masters-of-the-universe types, and I have to have about 6 percent body fat… which means I need to lose about 70 percent.” Jesus, it’s not like he’s one of those people that need a meat locker for a coffin. Don’t Bale out on us, sparkly vampire! I haven’t seen Twilight, I don’t know jack about Twilight, but he seems ok. At least he has more facial expressions than that scowly girl he acts opposite. Which means he has two.

– J. Harvey

For more Gay Ass Gossip (you poor bastard), Follow the JUMP:

ITEM – Boring late night host George Lopez is currently embroiled in a Twitter battle with Dancing with the Stars presence Kirstie Alley. Lopez, during a rundown of the premiere episode of DWTS, referred to the former Fat Actress star as a pig. Watch below, start at 2:25.

Kirstie wasn’t feeling the porcine comparison, rolled over in her pen, and got on Twitter. “Don’t worry about George’s comments…just remember what happens to the big bad, drunk woolf…falls in a boiling pot of vodka. Piggy laughs,” she Tweeted. Lopez Tweeted back with an apology, but Kirstie wasn’t feeling the forgiveness.  “I don’t need or want ur apology…I want your kidney dude..on behalf of ur X and all the women uv insulted…give it back.” Lopez famously got a kidney from his ex-wife, whom he later cheated on. So he’s a big asshole. But, in his defense, he cut up the entire cast in that bit and she’s made her weight issues act as her relevancy for the past couple of years. Oh, and the picture above is of her DWTS partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy. You didn’t think I was going to stick Lopez’s middle-aged ass up there did you? I’d rather see Kirstie.

ITEM – Jake Gyllenhaal has LONG been the subject of is he/isn’t he rumors. And the extreme cuteness did nothing to dispel them with an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel the other night. He talked about his childhood best friend who is his constant companion/wardrobe assistant (uh huh) and how they are often mistaken for a couple. Weaving a HILARIOUS tale about how his agent and manager walked in on his friend gobbling him straightening his tie, Jakey G. was all can-you-believe-that-they-thought-I-was-one-of-the-gays? Sure we can, you were with Reese Witherspoon. That’s one frost-encrusted beard. Nevertheless, my god is he hot. I hope he is family. I’m headed to the Abbey in LA, and checking out every ho in a ballcap and dark glasses.

ITEM – His new Adidas ad. No comment necessary.

18 thoughts on “Gay Ass Gossip: Robert Pattinson To Be Shirtless Again

  1. Ugh, I’m so over that twilight guy. I’m really liking Kirstie, I might even watch dancing with the stars for her. George lopez has never been funny to me.

  2. That Robert Pattison , I just don’t get the appeal there. George Lopez is obnoxious, Kirstie shouldn’t have even responded. Beckham is so fine.

  3. George Lopez is a PIG, I have always liked Kirstie Alley. I would like to bend Pattinson over… that way I don’t have to look at his face while I’m fucking him. (ok he’s not that bad, but I’m sort of over him.) However I definitely want Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Jake Gyllenhaal on their backs, legs over my shoulders while I plow their tight asses. Beckham… eh, he can just blow me…
    Another EXCELLENT column from Mr. Jay Harvey. Always look forward to this and he really needs a daily blog.

  4. first what’s wrong with being a republican. this isn’t a poilitcal site this is a FUCK me site; second, who the HELL is KRISTIE ALLEN kidding lol

  5. Dude i’ve been crushing on Jake Gyllenhaal since was 12, if the dude does end up gay i’m first in line.

  6. Conan must not be delivering much of a lead-in for Lopez to have to pick a fight in order to get ratings. It’s either this or continue to be a talking chihuahua for Disney. Oh, how the semi-mighty have fallen.

  7. I’m gay and republican, I vote with my brain and wallet not my dick. I was a democrat for over 25 years, until I got so tired of working my ass off so others could live a life of social programs. If you work for a living or you’re a small business owner like me, you would have to be crazy to vote democrat

  8. Dudes, Lopez rocks ! Alley is a pig. She has no willpower (or starpower) to lose weight or actually act. Totally irrelevant as are all the people on DWTS.

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