But for some reason I still want to vote for him.
I get a lot of mail at my PO Box because I’m on a lot of lists, I guess, and sometimes people send me stuff (but they’re from the internet and don’t need to know my exact real address) and so things pile up. Today I emptied out my box and found a card from Mike Cauke thanking me for my alleged support. And when I googled “who the fuck is Mike Cauke?” this equally cryptic Logo blog post came up:
A late entrant in the 2016 race, Mike Cauke is big on conservative values (though he seems to love Palm Springs).
According to his campaign site, he supports lower taxes, gun ownership and a balanced budget. And hailing from the tiny town of Cumming, Iowa (population 351), Mike Cauke is confident his rural roots will be an asset in the capital.
“Growing up on the family farm he helped his father castrate hogs, so he’ll know how to cut the pork in Washington and make ’em squeal!”
On a personal level, Cauke was a tight end on his college football team, and says he loves “sports, staying fit, and anything to do with balls or bats.”
Now. The capitalist (/escort) in me thinks this guy might be a bottomless pit of repressed gay stuff and money. But I like his political stance on balls/bats. So I’m pretty torn. But Mike: google me.
Watch out, Hillary. If this guy gets in there, there’s gonna be WAY more ‘schlonged’ wordplay to be had. Headline reads: “Clinton Beat By Cauke!”
Idk man. Mike/campaign staff, if you’re reading this, I have some design notes on this logo:
*Whispers:* It looks like a peeeenis!