The title of this post isn’t a proposal (though we’re sure plenty of you would make excellent husbands). Nor should it be the cause for a political debate (though we can’t necessarily stop you from going there). However, in the aftermath of New York’s historical vote on Friday, we can’t help but wonder—do you, personally, want to get married?
It’s a simple question. Whether you’ve met the man of your dreams or hope to meet him in the near future, would you consider a walk down the aisle as part of your grand plan? And for those of you who’ve already made the big jump, are you happy with married life?
– Dewitt
Photo credit: Jeffrey James Keyes
YES! Eventually, I’m a senior in college and the whole gay scene is already getting a little tired, I couldn’t imagine doing the same thing for 10 more years, sex is cool, but I can’t wait to find someone that I feel connected to enough to want to marry. But until then I’ll continue the fun.
YES
After living almost 30 years of my adult life not being able to get married, and after being partnered for 23 years, a legal marriage isn’t going to change how I love someone. Although having a few legal rights would be nice, I’m not interested in walking down the aisle. I might feel differently if we could have full legal rights in the eyes of the federal government. Though having the option to get married is great!
I’ve always said, “No.” But, think I might have changed my mind. I am one of seven children. All of my Brothers and Sister have been married more then once. Not me. My Partner and I had almost Twenty Wonderful Years when He Passed. My Parents have always boasted (Proudly), that the only one of thier children that took the Marriage Vow seriously, was the one never allowed to take it. So, now, if I fell in love, I would get Married, just to prove to the world that as a Gay Man, I Can, and Will commit.
The issue is not if I want to get married but if I want my gay friends to marry if they want to, which is our selling point to the straights/legislators.
Also, to answer your question, why not. But not now.
Absolutely. Sex is ok, although in my experience alot of guys don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But sex gets really old really fast, and eventually you’re left feeling used. Call it silly and idealistic, but yeah. I want to get married one day. Everyone wants happiness. For some it’s being passed around, for others it’s getting married, settling down, and having kids. Of course, I have seen some guys who switch partners faster than they switch out their undies. I’m a bit more old-fashioned. Meet the right guy, after about 6 months to a year of dating, move in together. He has to propose, but not until we’ve been together for at least a year and a half, and not marrying til we’ve been together for at least 2 years. I don’t want to rush things because rushing it was causes all kinds of mistakes.
i know exactly how you feel im very much the sane just stepped out into the gay scene and am already over it. i’m ready to fall in love and start my life why not make it legal ontop of everything else.
when I meet the right man, I definitely want to get married to ensure our mutual legal rights. I know I would give my heart and soul to him and expect the same from him as well. I’m not saying I want an open marriage, I think monogamy is a great ideal to strive for but with gay men being a small percentage of the population, to find the right man in your geographical area, that has the all the qualities you desire but may not be entirely compatible sexually should stop you from being together. Thinking that every one will find that guy that is the complete package can be unrealistic in some circumstances.
No, no, no, no, no. Marriage isn’t about an opposition between sex and love, or the “tired gay life” and commitment, but rather about a willing surrender to state supervision and regulation of our intimate lives. Marriage is an arrangement of property rights and social obligations. Queer people have never fared particularly well at the hands of the state (nor have most straight married folks). We should think of more complicated, varied, creative ways to organize our lives–and we should be thinking of more radical solutions to guaranteeing that we are humane to each other.
Just not for me. But I’m all for it for the ones who do want to make it legal.
no. uh uh. forget it. but i would like to have the right to should i change my mind
Ditto.
If I ever find a guy worth wrapping my entire financial, emotional and physical life around, then yeah. So far, no fucking dice though. And I live in a state where gay marriage is illegal anyway. (Remember those states? Yeah, they’re still here!)
Nah. I’d never get married. I’m all for supporting people who want to get married though. As long as I don’t end up as a bridesmaid at the weddings of my friends. 😛
yes, in the UK we have “civil partnerships” and I refuse to marry my man until it is a MARRIAGE and he can be my husband… full equality now
Had to go to Washington DC. Yes, yes and yes. And I would do it all over again. People ask, “Do you feel different?” Our relationship, after 14 years, hasn’t changed. But, somehow, it does feel different. In a good way.
No, I do not need government sanction to make my 25 yr relationship valid…Plus I am a divorce lawyer so I have been in favor of gay marriage all along. I stand to make a bundle. And I am licensed in NY state now. : )
I’m a traditional kind of guy but the growing number of open relationships amongst us (especially in places like dating sites) has made me wonder if marriage is an outdated concept entirely. Someday maybe I’d like to get married but I don’t know anymore. However I want everyone to be able to get married if they wish to.
getting married to me would have to exclude walking down the aisle, because I believe marriage in a legal sense should be separate from faith/religion…
I wish a law was voted that said that everyone can have a civil union only (with all the rights current straight couples that marry have), and that the term marriage was assigned to the church thing people do…
so yes for the rights, maybe even yes for the celebration (and gifts lol), but no for the ceremony….
No, I’m not tying myself up to anyone who expects me NOT to look around. My eye wanders and so do I.
Personally, I’m not sure about the word “marriage” but, I certainly want everyone to have the same rights.
I’m just not crazy about the possessive & insecurity issues that come with the institution. And, I would never want to be bound by law to have to give anyone half of my money ! 😉
i was, and i am not anymore…so the answer is no…but every american must have the right to decide for themselves…gay or str8…it is about equality…fuck the brainless religious ultra conservatives…they can eat it…go NY!!! …6 states down, and 44 to go….!!!!
I’m all for marriage equality. I also do want to get married someday, when I find the person with whom I just can’t do without. And hell, I don’t care if someone looks around (I’m looking too, after all). It’s only scummy and trashy when you sleep around. Cheating is wrong, that’s why we call it cheating.
Also, get a pre-nup. There’s no excuse not to these days, given the five-year survival rate of marriages is worse than many forms of cancer. Your assets should remain yours (and his should remain his) unless you choose to give them up.
New York passed marriage equality. Yadda-yadda-yadda. Now if only gays would treat each other with equality, dignity and respect. Wouldn’t that be something? Don’t expect it anytime soon. If ever.
hope would be less complicated getting out of married situation !!!!
Funny…all my straight married male friends wish it was illegal for THEM to get married. No thanks!
Yes – for immigration rights (bringing my same sex partner from abroad back here), inheritance and civil rights (without having to go through complicated legal paperwork) etc. Would it change how I love him – maybe not, but would I mind having a formalization? not at all!
I was in civil union here in Argentina, before legal marriage was approved. 5 years together, he cheated on me more than i want to admit. Single and dating again. However, hell yes i want to get married and i will! eventually..
I love your story, sorry for your loss. 🙁
Yes I do want to get married someday. I can’t see myself being with anyone but my boyfriend. I love him and I only hope that someday he and I can be married and that we can live “happily ever after.”
You’ve got some growing to do.
Wow, I’m kind of surprised at the negativity on here, although not really.
Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I’ve spent most of my life wanting to get married, to be that groom in the tuxedo at the front of the room, before all my friends and family, watching the person I love more than anyone else in the world walk down the aisle and meet me, where we then promise to spend the rest of our lives loving and taking care of each other and only each other.
When I eventally realized that other person wasn’t going to be a woman, I thought I would have to give up that dream. But now I’m looking forward to that day when me getting married to the man of my dreams will elicit the same reaction from folks as if I were marrying a woman.
Marriage isn’t about being tied down or what you give up. It’s making a commitment to something bigger than yourself, to putting your complete trust in someone, who’s trusting you right back, and to putting someone else’s happiness before your own. I feel sorry for anyone who hasn’t known a relationship that reaches this level of intimacy.
You made my heart pitter-patter. <3 haha…
As much I want to celebrate another state approval for gay marriage, not sure if it is meant for me?
Years ago, was in a monogamous relationship, I thought it would go a lifetime, and after 5 1/2 years, my ex gave me a ring on Christmas Eve. Was very emotional and felt deeply in love, but a year later, said he no longer loved me! Was devastated, gave back the ring, and it took a long time to get over it. Still haven’t found the “REAL” Mr. Right to fill that void I once had, and not sure if I will?
I don’t know if I want to take a chance again, to give my heart and soul to another man, only to have it broken like the first time, so don’t think I will ever get married. The whole marriage issue, is more than
having the right to marry, it carries with it financial responsibilities, and I firmly believe that most gay
and lesbian relationships aren’t really prepared if it doesn’t work out.
I cannot understand why one would want to sign a piece of paper just show that they love each other. If ur in love with someone, make a promise to each other. Besides, I find the whole “gay marrige” thing to be quite strange. Is marrige not a straight thing to do? Almost everyone here who is for getting married has a dream of the whole walking down the ailse thing. What part of that is gay? Does that not play to the purse carrier stereo type? And who does one vow before? GOD!?! Im pretty sure God hates fags! Besides, marrige is so outdated!
Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll NO I came here Single and I am Good with leaving Single, but I could be proven Wrong!!!!
Yes…
There used to me a time when I felt differently, but not anymore.
🙂
No desire whatsoever but should have the right! .
Eh. In regards to the last paragraph, Marge Simpson says it better than I ever could: “Homer, you stood up for people’s right to express love in its most
sacred form: a binding legal contract!”
Rude.
Yes, I do want to marry my partner of 10.5 years. Not a church wedding but a legal, civil union where we enjoy the same legal and financial benefits as well as the protections which come with hetro marriage. How our marriage will look in day to day life however will be at our choosing and not a format that has been handed down to us by our parents or the church. The religions can keep their ceremonies. I have no need to be recognized by them but I do want to have the exact same rights that hetro American’s enjoy to marry who they choose and have that recognized by my government.
Perfectly stated. I personally oppose gay marraige because no gay man I have ever met in my 38 years understands the magnitude of what it means. Open relationships and triads are case in point. Gay men and women listen up…. if you want equal rights, then you need to improve your morals, you haven’t earned the right through our own actions. I don’t blame politicians or the general public for not supporting us, we haven’t shown them we’re capable of more.
The straight community doesn’t know how to work at keeping relationships either, but that is acceptable to everyone because they’re very few role model relationships these days, Thank Hollywood for that. Add that we have become a throw away society, people are just not educated to needing to work at a marraige/relationship.
I see the institution of marriage as an act of insecurity and possession that exposes the relationship as too weak to endure on it’s own. I don’t want to need an a law to “keep” my relationship(s) together(?). I’m not that insecure or possessive 😉
Also, in MY opinion, children are what make a marriage and as a TRUELY gay person I have no intention on having or bringing children into a disgusting world like this one. IMO 😉
Marriage is called institution for a reason; you’d have to be crazy to enter into it. I like to consider myself sane, so I will gladly pass on marriage.
Just wondering: Do the unicorns speak in your world too?
Or maybe you do (?) 😉
Would like to think in our modern world we ould all be afforded the same rights- and along with all rights come responsibilities, something often lacking in recent times. I think perhaps older generations might be more accepting if a union between same-sex couples had a different name (e.g. uniage?) as in their world a marriage did relate to union between man and woman. Yes we are constantly evolving, and need to adapt to new circumstances, yet some things have stood the test of time. I believe a marriage is a vow of commitment in front of family and friends, until recently (past 50 years) also in front of God, in a church. We can now accept marriage performed under less traditional circumstances, so why not accept a same-sex marriage, albeit called something new which might not offend. Some might say that I shouldn’t have to be concerned about offending others, but living in a community and society we are all bound by morals, beliefs and ideals so that our actions and their impact on others are judged by laws and societal standards. Let us continue to discuss ideas on all sorts of issues, be respectful of all others sharing our world, and move peacefully forward in furthering our own agenda and of those not able to do so for themselves.
Absolutely whenever the time is right, so yes.
I wish I could say I’m surprised at the disgusting about of gay men stereotyping gay men… but I’m not.
Not everyone has the same faults you do people. Especially not because we share the same gender and sexuality.
As far as I’m concerned, marriage is the last form of legalized slavery and it’s the WORST social contract ever between two people.
I’m sorry for your hurt at the hands of that heartless bastard, Christopher. You should’ve kept the ring and sold it and used the money for whatever you wanted.
I also agree that many gays/lesbians don’t have a clue as to what they’re walking into. Among straights, the divorce rate is at over 50% – will it be any different among gays? Will they enjoy losing a sh*t load of their financial security, especially as they get older, that divorce brings?
I proposed to my boyfriend a few weeks back, we’re having our ceremony in march of 2013, but we’ll probably run away and elope before the ceremony (we live in Texas)
They do, actually. And they tell me you’ve got a rainbow stuck up your butt.
well said, and I too am a hopeless romantic, but unfortunately, at 38, I am one of those people you feel sorry for, who has never known a relationship like that. I hope that someday I will, but with each passing year, I feel the possibility of that getting smaller and smaller. Especially considering how youth obsessed our community is! But I still hope for it, I mean, there are so many mean, and evil-spirited people out there with partners, why shouldn’t and honest and loving individual like myself have one too!
Until I can wrap my head around the fact that many long term committed gay relationships that I know of are open relationships, and can reconcile that fact with the traditional sense of marriage and monogamy, then yes. (Also, I need to find a man too).
I was raised to believe that marriage meant monogamy, and I grew up to respect that as a value. That when you marry someone, when you commit to someone, you remain monogamous to them. But, as a gay man, I’ve been exposed to committed gay couples who are in open relationships, and cite this reason as why they manage to stay committed to each other for so long. I’ve also heard the argument many times that humans are not meant to be monogamous, and that this is exacerbated by the male sex drive, which leads to men have multiple sex partners.
I like to think I’m different, but I’ve never been in a committed monogamous relationship. I would like to be in one, but am skeptical about it’s longevity. Basically, I’m a young gay man who doesn’t know what the hell a long-term, committed gay relationship is.
I guess until I’m actually in one will I figure out the answer. Until then, I remain hesitant. But I’m all for the right of marriage being extended to gay people (Stop calling it gay marriage, people. It’s just marriage.) Regardless of your opinion of marriage, the extension of this right is an important step towards a society that doesn’t discriminate. A goal that we all should strive for.
I think we should find a men to live with the rest of our lofe, when we get older we are more difficult to find a man to love, so marraige is a way to deal this problem, we should care about something like ‘there has a husban wating me at home’ ‘ I need go home for my husban make a perfect dinner’…
I think everyone is forgetting about lesbians. I think weddings, and marriages are for women. Yes men too, however every man I know, gay, straight, or what have you, have a funny way of showing their committment. I actually think lesbian marriages will probably work out the best out of the three combinations of couples. I also wonder what marriage rights across the nation will do to the gay community, I think it will be a change, and I think it will be a good change. I think just the fact that growing up as a child seeing two happily married men, or women can only be a good thing later on. I also think it legitimizes gay relationships, which will also be a good thing. Now personally I don’t know if I believe in marriage, but I can’t help but escape the fantasy of it all.
Yes! I want to get married, not necessarily right now, but sometime in my life… however, I don’t see that ever happening. I cannot find me someone that wants me, just a quick fuck… could be that I’m using Manhunt, but either way, as much as I dream of my wedding and a family, I know I’ll be a bitter ugly old fag 20 years from now.
Hell to the NO! More power to those who take the higher step to marriage but me, personally, after what I saw growing up, I decided I would never get married. IMHO, I believe ALL marriage is wrong. There is nothing more funny than saying you will forsake all others and let no man put asunder and then you go back on your word after you’ve managed to establish a “sense of security” with the person you’ve made a commitment to. One gay couple I know, he cheats on his partner left and right and his partner just puts up with it; dude who cheats said once they pass the right, no more cheating. Personally, I think he’s lying because once you cheat, the idea of coming home, crawling into bed with your partner with no explanation or confrontation ultimately becomes a rush. I went through that with a few knuckleheads and it made me realise that if I put up with it while dating, I might as well put up with it after I say I do.
As stated, more power to those who wish to take that step; congratulations to those who’ve managed to make it the best of what they got to keep a happy marriage(:
I like the idea of marriage, however, I am cynical about marriage overall. In both Straight and Gay marriages the divorce rate is high… I am in South Africa where it is legal, and have myself been proposed to, though before the date arrived, we broke up (after 5 years. I guess I would like to get married if it really will last a lifetime. In our day and age, a lifetime seems to be set at between a year and 5, sometime a bit longer.Marriage is pure to me and I would not take it lightly and therefor am very cynical about it lasting these days.
Got married 2/20/2011 to the greatest man