Pat Robertson To Sell Signature Line Of “AIDS Infector Rings” On QVC

For those of you who missed the sarcasm in my “David Beckham is a bog beast” post from earlier this week, THAT HEADLINE IS SARCASM. Or snark. I always get them confused. It’s fiction! I made it up! The 700 Club’s homophobic hobbit-in-residence Pat Robertson will not be appearing on HSN to sell “AIDS infector rings”. He WILL however be making up alarmist and idiotic fiction about the gay community to frighten his conservative Christian audience into hating us hell-bound homos. And to sell advertising. Yes, this week Pat claimed the following on his show:

“You know what they do in San Francisco? Some in the gay community there, they want to get people. So if they got the stuff they’ll have a ring, you shake hands and the ring’s got a little thing where you cut your finger,” he said. “Really. It’s that kind of vicious stuff, which would be the equivalent of murder.”

Surprisingly Pat wasn’t wearing a lovely beret made out of tinfoil that deflected government mind-control rays when he made this shit up. Watch the video here:

When the thinking people of the world gave him the media side-eye, Pat merely reiterated his claim via his publicist. You have to give that goat some credit. He sticks to his damn fool guns.

“I was asked by a viewer whether she had a right to leave her church because she had been asked to transport an elderly man who had AIDS and about whose condition she had not been informed. My advice was that the risk of contagion in those circumstances was quite low and that she should continue to attend the church and not worry about the incident.

In my own experience, our organization sponsored a meeting years ago in San Francisco where trained security officers warned me about shaking hands because, in those days, certain AIDS-infected activists were deliberately trying to infect people like me by virtue of rings which would cut fingers and transfer blood.

I regret that my remarks had been misunderstood, but this often happens because people do not listen to the context of remarks which are being said. In no wise [sic] were my remarks meant as an indictment of the homosexual community or, for that fact, to those infected with this dreadful disease.”

They weren’t?

By the way, if anyone has one of those rings, you should totally put that mess up for auction on the Bigoted N’ Crazy Old Man Fiction section of eBay. They’re probably collectors’ items by now. You’ll believe me when they start popping up on Antiques Roadshow. “Yes, my gay uncles passed, and we found these ADORABLE-looking rings amongst their belongings. Careful! They’re sharp!”

– J. Harvey



3 thoughts on “Pat Robertson To Sell Signature Line Of “AIDS Infector Rings” On QVC

  1. I think that the left or the right are more or less out of the PTL grasp. Since most of the men in those groups are pretty much chomping at the bit for us to chomp on their bit. I personally get hit on by so many married, church, and religious men. And I am a troll,; with a mouth that can suck chrome off of a Buick, but a troll none the less. lol.

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