After last night's premiere of America's Next Top Model, I'm thinking there should be a drinking game for this cycle. Rule number one? Drink every time Tyra Banks (or anyone) uses the word "edgy". It's blatantly obvious that this season's ultimate goal is to select someone who fits that description. Exactly what does she mean by "edgy"? It's up for debate.
For the next rule, you take a sip anytime someone utters the word "fierce". Most likely, this will come out of the models mouths, as they haven't quite picked up on the "edgy" vernacular. Also, try drinking every moment the girls talk about how good Tyra looks. This happened a lot in the first episode, driving suspicion that they were paid to say such things.
But I digress. Out of over thirty girls, it was narrowed down to thirteen. The good news? Makeovers were done immediately, because the producers finally figured out people love watching that shit. The bad news? There was a completely unnecessary cameo, no photo shoot and none of the thirteen contestants were eliminated. Stay tuned until next week when the girls pose, gasp… nude! Isn't that so EDGY?
– Dewitt
Photo credit: Jonathan Mannion / Polite Productions
To check out this week's rankings, follow the JUMP:
1. NADUAH: Sure, it may be a little unfair to the other girls that Naduah's already been modeling for five years. I didn't even know that was allowed for this competition! She's got an amazing look, a memorable name, a lovely accent and a shocking story of growing up in a religious cult. Even before I knew anything about her, I took a glance at this girl and thought she'd go far.
2. GABRIELLE: Her success may not be as inevitable as Naduah's, but I'm oddly charmed by Gabrielle. Don't be deceived by her "hood rat" accent–this chick has done her studying and knows high fashion. Let's just hope she can put it all into practice!
3. SIMONE: Initially, I thought Simone was too "cute" for this competition. Then she got a haircut. I turned to my friend like, "Holy shit! They just took this preppy sorority girl and turned her into a fucking model." If she's the overall winner of this cycle, she really needs to thank those damn stylists.
4. BRENDA: I'm so glad they chopped off all of Brenda's luscious, fiery locks! Much like Simone, they took your average pretty girl and turned her into a model. Expect her demise some time mid-season, because there's no way they'll let a fire crotch win two cycles in a row.
5. DENISE RICHARDS RAINA: Those eyebrows! A part of me wants to rip them right off of her face. Another part of me wants to photoshop them onto every human being who's ever existed, because it's such an excellent trademark look. They demand your attention, even if you're just gawking at how ugly they are.
6. KRISTA: File this one under bitches I'm loving. If Krista sticks around for much longer, you just know she's going to take off her ponytail and whoop someone's ass with it. Her cuntiness factor is off the charts, but there's still something about her that makes me forgive her attitude. Perhaps it has something to do with her comparison between white men's penises and raw meat?
7. ALEXANDRA: Even though Alexandra doesn't do much for me as a model, I appreciate her confidence and drive to succeed. She's like, "So what if I'm a size ten? I'm still going to kick your ass." You just know she gets more dick than her skinny-ass friends, because even I'd hit that if I were a straight man. It's too bad she couldn't exist in the same group as fellow plus-size model Jeanna. That girl was fabulous!
8. REN: Say hello to Tyra Banks' pet project. Ren was hand-picked to participate on the show, so you know she's not going home anytime soon. She's like a wet dream when it comes to edginess. OMG, she doesn't shave her armpits! OMG, she's a free spirit! OMG, she's so indie! Give me a break…
9. ALASIA: When one of the girls accused the others of "acting like they're in high school", it occurred to me that Alasia probably is in high school. Her enthusiasm can't be matched, but her inexperience will be her downfall. How do you pose as Naomi Campbell without knowing any of her poses?
10. JESSICA: Thanks to Fantasia Barrino, I have a soft spot for all the baby mamas out there. Jessica's story about getting kicked out of her church actually had me a bit teary-eyed. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she'll surprise us, proving that she's more than just a pretty southern girl who got knocked up.
11. TATIANNA: Tatianna is not a model. She doesn't know anything about modeling. Case in point? She called actress Megan Fox a "model". Despite all of this, her dedication to HIV research put a little warmth in my heart. Maybe she'll prove me wrong?
12. ANSLEE: You bore me. Next!
13. ANGELEA: You know I love my bitches, but I can't justify Angelea's place in this competition. They were obviously trying to pull a Jaslene by bringing her back, and it's not going to work out in the end. Her face won't photograph well. Her attitude will hold her back. Put her out of her misery, and please send this chick home… again.
wow, they all look like they should be in mortal kombat lol
i like raina, krista, and tatiana, simone.
and i think tyra is actually doing a good thing, the only way one of her girls will break into the modelling industry – or ad campaigns is, if they are “edgy”.
they will also do well in niche markets – like the gaming industry.
raina could be cast as the leading star for a video game turned movie, but even just for the ad campaigns her look is perfect.
krista has a nice robotic look, she’d do well in the new futuristic wave that is sweeping music videos for example and ad campaigns similiar to the futuristic ones zooey deschanel and others did for the vodka campaigns. she could easily be in a lady gaga video as some sort of futuristic robot, or in a sequel to the matrix.
simone is agent provocateur and would probably do well in erotica and lingerie type ads.
tatiana is like raina but shes more for fetish and glamor modelling.
oh by the way dewitt – edgy means fierce but with a twist (the twist can be positive or negative in the context that its not necessarily always what would be assumed as traditionally positive)
so look out for those girls that you’d say: oh shes fierce but theres something about her… that just sets my teeth on edge, makes me shiver, is so different, is so right that its wrong. she doesn’t necessarily have to be the prettiest but its a face – that one doesn’t easily forget.
your reaction to raina, and krista was a good example.
all in all for once i’m actually impressed with tyra’s selections and can see some of them going far
i hope tyra does an edgy bridesmaid shoot.
one has the wedding scene and an edgy bridesmaid, raina for example, wearing some of the 80’s gypsy stuff madonna wore, but all made of black leather, and a red band around her head, permed hair with the rest of the traditional wedding scene, people in white flowy dresses, and looking at her in horror and disbelief, while shes striking a pose – thats edgy
i can feel the excitement in my bones already for this set of girls and usually i’m not a big fan of antm
I like Angelea, she is dramatic and I really hope she does well. These girls seem like someone is gonna be fighting every episode.
Oh damn I didn’t even know the new season was starting. I need to set my DVR!
She picked some not so great girls and skipped three that I really thought were cool and going to make it. The Pakistani girl, the pierced up girl and the rich girl.
Of the girls who made it I just really don’t like Krista or Alasia, and Anslee is boring.