Normal, human penises are a burden best left behind in the 20th century! Everyone who’s anyone knows the future of anal sex rests in outer space, directly in the hands (or pants) of our extraterrestrial counterparts. Your hole should be prepared before the mother ship arrives, because only the most talented bottoms will be spared from extinction when our overlords take over the planet Earth and employ us as their sexual slaves.
But don’t look so discouraged about your inferior anal skills! ESMale has a wide variety of dildos that simulate the remarkable sensations of intergalactic love-making. Before you know it, you’ll be able to handle the thicker, uniquely-shaped cocks of our alien captors and experience orgasms so sensational that you’ll be seeing stars for the next week.
For those of you who don’t know where to start, I’ve explored the pages of ESMale to locate five toys that resemble the alien dicks I encountered during my sexual escapades across the universe. Most likely, you’ll want to pick up some lube and aromas while you’re on the site, because we can’t all have an anus as mighty and powerful as yours truly!
However, with a little time and practice, you too will be able to handle ten Durflackian tentacles exploring your insides at once… And don’t even get me started on the Schmillasions from the little known planet Rah-Kyogota! They shoot such voluminous loads that I can still feel some of their seminal fluids inside of me as I type this sentence. I’m so turned on thinking about the way they dominated me that even I might try one of these earth-made replicas!
Don’t delay any longer! Buy one of these dildos and learn to love it right away:
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1. American Bombshell Rockeye Anal Dildo:
Once upon a time, the limbo asked you how low you could go. Now, you can apply the important life skills you learned through the classic party game, as you drop your ass down onto your new alien boyfriend’s eleven-inch dick! Even a beginner could handle “just the tip”, but as you slide down, his shaft expands to a girth of approximately 10-11 inches.
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2. Inflatable Black Small Cactus Butt Plug:
Have you ever wanted to bang a piece of burnt corn on the cob that inflates inside your butthole? You’re in luck, buddy! This alien dick is covered with vertical ridges covered with small nodules, creating an intense penetrative sensation that will stimulate every nerve ending and feels particularly satisfying against the P-spot… And, yes, I totally just plagiarized the product description, because I’m too excited about getting this inside of me to type any other sentences!
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3. OXBALLS Sparkplug Ass-Lock Butt Plug:
For those of you who appreciate alien diversity, this one comes in a variety of colors—clear, black, silver, fire and piss yellow. The shape resembles the shafts of an extremely virile group of aliens, though the makers of this toy were able to enhance the appeal with an attached cock ring. Very clever!
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4. Domestic Partner B-51 Black Butt Plug:
The largest butt plug ever produced has a lot in common with certain alien races! It’s only five inches long, but it will stretch you open to a circumference of ten inches wide. You shouldn’t be intimidated though! It’s a whole lot of fun once it gets all the way in you.
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5. 3 Bangs For Your Butt Large Anal Dildo:
Three heads are better than one! With the exception of this glorious human specimen and a few others like him, you won’t find a penis with multiple heads here on Earth. You don’t have to wait to find out what it’s like to ride a cock like this! Give this dildo a try and prepare yourself for the real thing.
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Just never found a rubber or silicon dildo enjoyable big difference in feel from a real cock. I guess some day need to try one of those cyber dick ones.
Kayne said it best:
“Tell me what’s next? Alien sex.
Imma disrobe you
Then Imma probe you
See I’ve abducted you
So I’ll tell you what to do”
I’m glad my brain wasn’t the only brain that went there.
My Chad Hunt supercock is already along those lines. He feels great, alien or not. My ass is always prepared for a fantasy come true
Talk about anal probes!
made my eyes water
For the sci-fi or fantasty fans… try Bad Dragon… those are some intriguing dildos. Aliens, dragons and others….
I never saw the Chad Hunt dildo but he fucked me a few times
I’m not really into these alien dicks, but I’ve definitely cum to the fantasy of one of those engineers’ dicks from Prometheus
Tell him to come visit so I can compare it to the real thing 😉
Maybe you just didn’t have the right top using it on you. It can make all the difference in the world.
No one has ever really used one on me I have mostly played with them alone. Never seem to find a guy with a dick the size I would like to try so used them to see what it might be like.
That’s where the magic of the strap on comes in. I have dildos smaller than me and larger than me so that I can work guys up to my size and then if they need more then I’m ready to go there too. Using them on yourself can be fun and functional but having a guy strap on one and fuck you like it were his cock…MUCH BETTER and way hotter. Also less taxing on your arms. hehehe Get over here…I’ll pound that hole with 10 different sizes!
LMAO the real thing on a guy makes it easier to feel the resistance and find the right angle to use. Lets face it a toy is not as flexible or as forgiving as a real dick.
No but the nuskin ones are darn close. Again, a talented top will understand the physics of the bottoms ass and with focus can tell when something isn’t working. I do it all the time and I know when angles and directions need to shift. I’m a BIG fan of the real thing (and prefer them from both sides) but they aren’t always reliable when there is a hungry hole in need.
Never screwed enough to know how hungry I can be nor how long I can take it. And never been with a real experienced top. Hubby does okay but he cums fast when fucking me.
Where is this picture from? I’d love to see the full vid