Whorrey Potter: 9 & 3/4 Reasons That You’ll Be Holding Your Wand And Shouting “Erectus!”

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Whorrey Potter & The Sorcerer's Balls is ideally viewed in the company of a friend (particularly someone you plan on having sex with). With two pairs of 3D glasses in the DVD's package, Dominic Ford offers you a chance to point your wand at your partner and mutter incantations like "Suckulis Cockus". And when else will an opportunity like that arise?

The gay Harry Potter parody bridges the line between erotic and comedic, delivering a delightful blend of cumshots and campiness. It's already received a shoutout in a roundtable discussion on Chelsea Lately, and we couldn't help following that up with our own list of 93/4 reasons that you need to see this movie. Click through to check it out!

– Dewitt

Photo credit: Dominic Ford

To check out our list, follow the JUMP:

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1. Whorrey Potter lives up to his name: Would the real Harry Potter have sex with Lord Voldemort? Not a chance! But as soon as Luke Marcum gets his hands on the Sorcerer's Balls, he goes for a ride on "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Laid". This marks the second out of three cumshots. Clearly, this wizard loves having his wand polished.


2. Voldemorecock's cock: Think Matthew Rush has a beautiful dick? Just wait until you see it in 3D! You'll be drooling like a rabid Hippogriff, while Marcum and Eddie Diaz eagerly work his shaft. It's a shame that Dominic Ford hasn't tackled all five of our senses, because I'd love to know what that thing tastes like!


3. The plot is ridiculous, but it will make you laugh: Aside from a solo masturbation scene, there isn't much action within the first portion of the movie. Though this would generally lead most viewer's to fast-forward to the butt-sex, you're missing out if you do so. Drag queen Mimi Imfurst makes a guest appearance as Fag Hagrid, and porn star Ryan Raz steps into a surprisingly nonsexual role as Professor Queerel. Prepare yourself for laughter (and a boner). 


4. Because no other porn flick has floating penises: If you can name any other adult film with a levitating wang, I will give you the best blowjob of your life. Seriously! When Eddie Diaz throws on the invisibility cloak to distract Robert Van Damme from his guarding duties, he gets more than he bargained for when Voldemorecock catches them in the act. Matthew Rush gets a taste of that cock, and then proceeds to shove his wand up Eddie's hungry hole!


5. Eddie Diaz is like a magical creature… of hotness: We're glad that we've seen Eddie Diaz in porn before, because otherwise we would have assumed he was digitally added in like each scene's background. Shouldn't the Ministry of Magic have laws against being so sexy?


6. Himmione Grainghim is an insatiable power bottom: You don't have to be a master in divination to make this prediction! Whenever Cameron Adams appears on screen, there's an extremely high chance that something's going up his butt. If the Triwizard tournament had a competition for getting fucked, he'd be a champion for sure!


7. And the guard who fucks him is ridiculously hot: I know what you're thinking–aren't I basically just listing all of the cast members? Sort of, but you won't catch me giving any props for the completely unnecessary cameo from a greasy NYC nightlife promoter. However, Robert Van Damme looked spectacular plowing Cameron's tight little ass. Watch how it makes waves every time he thrusts into him!

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8. The world's first floating threesome: Forget about floating dicks! How about floating daisy chains? In the grand finale of the movie, the three young wizards top off their journey with a magical ménage à trois. It all ends with Eddie Diaz's abs coated in a whole lot of cum.


9. Two words – Double Penetration: The DVD box may boast about the floating threesome, but they don't tell you that it involves double penetration! Cameron Adams stretches his hole to make room for both of his wizarding pals, in one of the movie's best sexual moments. You'll be shooting your load as soon as you see it. Or at least that's what happened to me…


93/4. It's in motherfucking 3D: Though you shouldn't expect anything along the lines of Avatar, the three-dimensional aspects are actually pretty rad. Have you ever had Ryan Raz point a dildo at your face? You can answer that question with an emphatic "yes" after seeing this movie. There are points where the coloration or details can look a little wonky, but they're forgivable in the grand scheme of things. And if you don't like it? You can pop in the 2D version, and keep on jerking!

9 thoughts on “Whorrey Potter: 9 & 3/4 Reasons That You’ll Be Holding Your Wand And Shouting “Erectus!”

  1. Question mark
    This doesn’t appeal to me whatsoever, the descriptions however were fucking hilarious.
    Mad props to you Dewitt.

  2. I pass on this one. . .
    . . .or as we used to sing cadence in the Marine Corps: “Get it in, get it out, quit fucking about; Ya-Ho, Ya-Ho, Ya-Ho!”

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