Who Would You Rather?: Snooki’s Alleged Babydaddy Or The Guy She Was Doing Before

Is the term “guido” racist? The original opening sentence to this post used it. Then I was like…is “brotha” racist? When I use “fag” (which I rarely do) am I being homophobic despite the fact that I rim guys? It’s a blogging minefield! These are deep issues.

Anyway, Snooki only dates guys that look like her in a wig. I’d still fuck them because i like dumb and beefy. But Jionni LaValle (the guy she’s currently “smushing”) and Emillio Masella (the last guy she sent reeling to CVS to pick up a Valtrex script) look like they might be related to the Jersey Shore’s booze baby. Speaking of babies, the gossip blogs are squawking that she’s having a child with Jionni. Fuck no. if you need me, I’ll be in France. I don’t need to see a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome become America’s Next Reality Television Sweetheart.

It’s the Apocalypse. You’re trapped on the Jersey Shore. These two slabs are horny enough to get with a dude. Which one do you “smush”?

Note – you will end up with fake tan goop smeared all over your body. Obviously.

– J. Harvey

For more pics of Jionni and Emillio, Follow the JUMP:

Jionni Lavalle

(It’s almost impossible to find a pic of him that doesn’t feature the rotten citrus fruit)

Emillio Masella

1,509 thoughts on “Who Would You Rather?: Snooki’s Alleged Babydaddy Or The Guy She Was Doing Before

  1. would not touch anything that touched that….. besides they are a bit on the guido side….. oily variety bo hunks…..

  2. I know “tacky” is no longer a popular adjective to describe attention whores who are so obviously and profoundly déclassé, but it’s the only adjective that seems to fit. That these sleazeballs have captured even a little attention from the U.S. public is a sad commentary on the level to which our culture has sunk. And no, neither of these lummoxes is interesting enough to be considered a dumb fuck.

  3. We like guys with a sense of humor – EmilioMasella



    Lmao go vote! Haha RT @Manhunt Who Would You Rather?: Snooki’s Alleged Babydaddy Or The Guy She Was Doing Before bit.ly/w0VjZw

  4. I can’t believe any man, even straight(?) would crawl on top of that Beast.  Me, I’d be afraid it would fall off within the hour……………………

  5. Snooki,
    We had a Chihuahua named Snooki when we were kids.As for Jersey Shore,like the Kardassians I’m aware of their existence only because these women are frequently mentioned in the media,print & TV primarily.I’ve never seen an episode of their shows & I truly have no idea why they are ‘celebrities’.I recently noticed both Snooki & Kardassian have books out and I looked at them both side by side on the stand and wondered what they could possibly have to say about anything that would compel me to buy their books?..Nothing..

  6. I wouldn’t touch anyone that has even come within 10ft of ANYONE on the cast of Jersey Shore. If you could get and STD just by being close to someone, they’d be the ones to get one from! Fucking disgusting! That show is EXACTLY what’s wrong with today’s youth!

  7. Does “would do them all” include Snooki?? If it does, you’re fuckin’ brain dead or you want your dick in pustular infested inflamed drippy female/male twat.

  8. As Hot as Jonni is, he’s to short and so is Emilio who used her for her fame to become famous himself. Even the other guys on the show are turn-off’s except Vinny there is something very sexy about him, could be how he carries himself. Also Roger is Hot! so is G-unit, but he is to cokey which gets in the way.

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