Taylor Lautner Is Single (And Probably Gay)

Taylor Lautner

There are only forty-four days until your Taylor Lautner fantasies stop being creepy, and I've got some good news for all you jailbait lovin' manthers. The twinkie werewolf heartthrob has just broken up with his girlfriend Taylor Swift. A source close to the singer told Us Weekly, "There was no chemistry."

I don't know about you, but that sounds like code for "he's totally gay". I'm surprised that they weren't contractually obligated to stay together until promotion for Valentine's Day had come to an end! Luckily, the two plan on staying friends, and I imagine that their friendship will consist of shopping together and going on Pinkberry dates. In just no time, they'll be drunkenly sipping Cosmos and swapping stories about having cum shot in their eyes. Oh, friendship!

– Dewitt

Photo credit: Rolling Stone

9 thoughts on “Taylor Lautner Is Single (And Probably Gay)

  1. They were going out? I actually thought they were just friends who went shopping and whatnot.
    He might/might not be gay but I saw a video clip on Youtube of him dancing to Usher’s ‘Yeah’ when he was a little kid. The way he danced screamed queen but it could have been a ‘phase’.
    With that being said his dancing was great. Better then any moves I could pull off on the dance floor.

  2. anybody take time too think that maybe he’s being a gentleman redgardless of her being a cold-heart prude and is comfrontable in his masculinity that he’d take the rap for being gay when it’s really her that’s a carpet muncher .. ? just a thought .. but again with that body and smile and ass and probaly juicy cock that needs to be touched and explored he might be gay!

  3. I DESPISE the paranoia theory that “any male celebrity who’s not dating a woman is gay”. If you mean it as a joke, that joke got old years ago. Now it’s just annoying and belittling – It’s the same as straight people assuming that we are not gay, we are straight guys who haven’t met the right women.

  4. I not sure anyone one could have chemistry with him, he’s so bland, you might as well be dating a pint of plain vanilla ice cream with a big nose.

  5. let’s just enjoy this striking young actor for what we see onscreen, not who we THINK he is in real life…until mr. lautner is ready to share that aspect of his personal identity, we should all just respect this handsome, unjaded actor’s right to give us healthy ‘entertainment’ regardless of his true orientation….

  6. The countdown on this guy turning 18 is creepy as shit. He’s cute but who is really lusting after this boy like that?

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