Secret Sex: Stanley Tucci

I’m filling in for Dewitt for a few days, and I’m very excited to guest write the “Secret Sex” column, because it gives me a chance to talk about the one celebrity I’ve wanted to bang consistently for about fifteen years now: Stanley Tucci.  No, really.  The movie, if I remember right, was A Life Less Ordinary, and Tucci played the evil dentist trying to separate Cameron Diaz from sexy, sexy Ewan McGregor.  There’s one short scene where he’s shirtless and fighting Ewan that I used to watch over and over again, ejaculating every time.

The sad thing about Stanley, though, is that it’s like he goes out of his way to pick unsexy movies to be in.  The Devil Wears Prada?  Burlesque? The Lovely Bones?  As lovely as his bone surely is, his clothes are almost always on.  But honestly that doesn’t make him less of a god.  I mean I had a raging boner all through Julie & Julia, for God’s sake.

Now, I’m partial to scruffy, middle-aged Italian men, and also I like balding with glasses and a lot of chest hair, so maybe this isn’t such a surprise.  But what do you think?

Stanley’s turning fifty in November, and I’d love to help him celebrate by getting on my knees and letting him ram his dick down my throat.  Anybody have his agent’s number?

– Lawrence

For more pics of Tucci, Follow the JUMP:

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223 thoughts on “Secret Sex: Stanley Tucci”

  4. Lawrence I totally agree. He is one of the hottest men in movies. Everything he doesn’t just exudes style, confidence, and charisma. Maybe that’s what makes him so appealing.

  7. i fell in love with him whenever he was in easy  and then he was in burlesque playing of course a gay guy . he is my type of man.

  8. OMG in a heartbeat…..he’s got the voice, the face, the body and he can’t help but be sexy….woof!

  11. I have to agree…saw him in a really bad movie “Undercover Blues” and he wore some tight jeans that showed off a nice body and even nicer ass. Good actor not afraid to take on some campy roles.

  13. The older Stanley gets, the sexier he becomes. It is a blessing! I have fantasized with him every time I see his performances whatever he is wearing. Let me stop dreaming, he’s just another impossible dream, unfortunately…

  18. I’m 25 and since i’ve been old enough to get hard i’ve always had a special chubby for stan. he seems like the whole package (attractive, talented, and not a douchebag in real life)

  22. Yeah- he’s had that bod since the 80’s (Monkey Shines put him in a towel – HUGE muscles!).

  23. This does not need to be kept a secret.  If only someone had snapped some photos of him going full frontal in that Broadway show with Edie Falco!

  24. That reminds of of something a guy from down south once said- he talked about getting on a guy “Like a hog on a hare”‘  I asked him what in the world he meant, and he said that when he lived on the farm and they were bored, they’d throw a rabbit in a pig pen and the pigs would go crazy catching it and eating it…”

  30. I’m glad to hear that other guys feel the same way I do about this gorgeous hunk of stud.  I seriously thought I was the only one.

  31. Wow, I hear you on that RobertK2112. I thought I was one of perhaps a few who went crazy for the Tucci. His onscreen presence, and command of his craft makes him all the more complete. The scruff, the eyes, the body….what great features.

  32. My friend was seated in the front row when she saw him on Broadway in “Frankie & Johnny”. He was naked for an entire scene. As we both have fancied for ever, she called me immiedately when the play had finished and said he was hung like a horse. That knowledge has kept me happy for years.

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