Welcome to the first discussion post for season three of RuPaul’s Drag Race! It’s like the Super Bowl for homosexuals, except with more glittery frocks, outlandish wigs and tucked penises! Okay, so maybe it’s nothing like the Super Bowl, aside from the fact that the competitors are real men… Real men who wear fucking heels.
If you’ve been following us for some time, then you already know this isn’t your traditional count-by-numbers recap. We rank the queens based on a combination of personality, entertainment value and overall performance. This is especially tricky for the first episode, since these judgments are difficult to make based on first impressions.
So here’s what you need to know before we start. The contestants posed for a Christmas-themed photo shoot with A-List star Mike Ruiz. Their challenge was to create a runway look with thrift store threads and holiday tchotchkes they mopped (stole) from the workshop.
Vanessa Williams appeared as a guest judge, and Bruce Vilanch showed up as Santa Claus. Someone cried! There was a surprise contestant! A $75,000 cash prize! And I really can’t say anything else without spoiling the whole episode. Click through and check it out!
– Dewitt
Photo credit: NewNowNext
To check out our rankings after the first episode, follow the JUMP:
WATCH NOW:
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1. MANILA LUZON: We’ve been on the Manila bandwagon ever since her audition tape. Just because she’s Asian, don’t get it twisted like she’s Jujubee 2.0. Both in and out of drag, Manila has an impeccable sense of style (perhaps this zebra print isn’t a good example). We hope her boyfriend Sahara Davenport isn’t jealous when she wins the whole competition!
2. RAJA (Winner): Holy fuck! Holy mother fuck balls! How much do we love to hate Raja? And how much do we secretly love Raja? The phallic cyclops hat won me over from the beginning. The arrogant comments about Gaga and fat girls lost me. This picture won us over. Then he opened his mouth again, and we were like, “Please stop talking and just be fierce”.
By the end, we couldn’t deny the Vivienne Westwood inspired style of her runway look. And that walk! That fucking walk! In regards to Raja, expect a whole lot of exclamations and expletives from us in the near future. Both positive and negative.
3. DELTA WORK: When Delta Work first walked into the open casting, we weren’t thoroughly impressed. We liked her and all, but in a “I want to get drinks with you and complain about my boyfriend while you give me very maternal advice” kind of way.
By the time we finished watching Untucked? We fell in love with this bitch. Of all the “bigger” contestants, we have a feeling she’ll be the one to beat. She’s polished, hilarious and hungry for the prize. And did we mention she’s kind of cute out of drag? In a cubbish, “I want you to sit on my face” kind of way.
4. SHANGELA (Chante, You Stay): The lampshade outfit was a hot mess, and the “Frostgela The Snow Ho” prop didn’t pay off in the end. When she lip-synched for her life, it was extremely uncomfortable to watch her falling apart in front of us. But let’s be honest. You’re going to be saying “Hally-loo” for months to come. Say what you want to say, but we’re glad she’s back!
5. ALEXIS MATEO: This ranking is especially random. Alexis Mateo didn’t hammer us over the head with her awesomeness, but we got a really good feeling about her. Does anyone else know what we’re talking about? She has this whole “everybody’s friend” vibe, and it’s quite possible she could be the competition’s silent threat.
6. MIMI IMFURST: There’s nothing we hate more in reality television than tears in the first episode. Though the breakdown may have cost Mimi a few slots on our rankings, she’s still at the top of our list of favorite competitors. Sometimes, being a drag queen isn’t about fashion and “fierce” handsewn designs. Mimi has a clear understanding of camp humor, and her gigantic wigs distract us from the fact that she basically wore a blanket.
7. YARA SOFIA: Before we move on, can we acknowledge that Yara Sofia’s contact lenses are utterly terrifying? This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. A few previous contestants who scared us in the beginning (ie: Nina Flowers) wound up being some of the best of the bunch. Let’s see if she has what it takes!
8. CARMEN CARRERA: We hesitated about ranking Carmen so low on our list. The mistletoe over her booty was actually kind of brilliant, a double message saying “kiss my ass” and “make out with my smooth tight butt hole”. But we’re not sure she was aware of the brilliance. Is Carmen another hot body like Tatianna or Rebecca Glasscock? Or is there actually more substance here?
Either way, we don’t mind her sticking around a bit, as long as she keeps walking around naked. Then again, we’d prefer if she took off the dress, make-up and walked straight into our bedroom. Seriously! This is another one who looks really hot out of drag. And pretty damn hot in drag, if you’re into that…
9. STACY LAYNE MATTHEWS: We need Stacy Layne Matthews to prove herself. When the other queens doubted her backstage, she lashed out into the whole, “You don’t know me or my talent” spiel. That’s nice and all, but we need to see that talent.
Weight isn’t an issue for us. We know some (non-drag) queens are going to wonder why she’s on RuPaul’s Drag Race when she should be on The Biggest Loser. But those people should stop being assholes. This isn’t a competition for America’s skinniest drag performer. Big girls can win, provided they have the talent to back it up. Does Stacy have potential we’re not seeing yet?
10. INDIA FERRAH: Err, we guess India’s vaguely alright? We can’t get over her horrible fake boobs. They have a tendency to upstage anything she’s doing at a given moment in time. When she stepped in the room? We were staring at her boobs. When she was working the runway? We were staring at her boobs. And we don’t even like lady boobs!
11. MARIAH: Similar to our positive vibe on Alexis Mateo, we get a really bad sense from Mariah. She has potential to be the season’s token bitch, and not the refined, guilty pleasure style bitchiness of Raja or past contestant Raven. We’re reserving more extreme judgment at the moment, but…
12. PHOENIX: In retrospect, we should have ranked Phoenix higher on our list. We actually liked her final runway look! It doesn’t matter if she did or didn’t steal it from Venus, because she wound up looking better in the end. We’re not even close to loving her, though we haven’t quite reached the point of hating her. Long story short? You confuse us, Phoenix!
13. VENUS D-LITE (Sashay Away): It’s a horrible life for this “sad Christmas elf”. During the casting special, we were actually digging Venus! Then, as the show moved forward, we began to progressively dislike her more and more. We were done when she revealed her plastic surgery to resemble Madonna. Completely done.
Pheonix is deff going to be the raven of this season and mariah is gunna be the tyra but without the winning and I think delta work is going to give everyone a run for their money!
Le sigh. LOGO shows this show all the damn time. Sometimes several times a day. They can’t whore it enough. What happened to good, informative gay television? It’s nothing but sex, drugs, and people acting bitchy 24/7.
We don’t get LOGO here, but not sure I could stand to watch this mess if we did.
Drama/Drag Queens are the rednecks of the gay community, LOL
Thanks!! I miss it yesterday.. i guess ill see it on a re-run! but…
SHANGELLA??? OMG she better work!
At least the new latin bitches can speak english!
OMG people actually watch that show if i wanted any b___ch fights i would go to the local bar
Um you all know Raja/Sutan was on America’s Next Top Model as the make-up artist right…I love him…
Love RePaul….ever since I saw him cut that bitch Joy Behar to pieces.
LOGO or its new name “RuPaul/Buffy Network” has got to find more shit to put on! Seriously people..aren’t we credited with being creative??
I prepare myself for criticism now ..but this show REALLY sets us back. Its only redeeming quality is that it is only half as nellie as The A-List.
And could someone please tell these fellas about the difference between a drag queen and a boy in a dress. Go Wong Foo
Dont be FOOLED by Alexis Mateo… Tho she may look pretty…. I have been to Funerals more entertaining than she is…
Dont be FOOLED by Alexis Mateo… Tho she may look pretty…. I have been to Funerals more entertaining than she is…
this is the worst idea of a show in the hostory of television
omg! sutan!!! I recognized that bitch right away haha
I really like him in drag too
that bitch is fierce
what are you referring to? i would really like to know
What “happened” to good, informative gay television? Honey, not even a decade ago we didn’t HAVE gay television, so try to have some perspective, mmk? If you prefer Logo’s straight-laced programming why don’t you try checking out the programming schedule on their website? There’s plenty there. Hell, some of the most interesting documentaries I’ve watched in a while aired on Logo.
Or are you just another closeted, straight-acting, self-hating homo that bristles at the thought that the gay community could POSSIBLY be represented by more than just *other* closeted, straight-acting, self-hating homos?
If I HAVE to pick, Raja is the only possibility here. Thought the whole thing was pretty dull… EXCEPT for when they showed the assistant (nearly naked men) auditions. Dewitt- forget these ladies. Let’s see some more on the two guys that won. ESPECIALLY that hairy chested one. I was shocked that they didn’t choose two shaved chested blah-blah-blah guys. That furry guy is a total hottie!
Alexis! I have to admit, Being that I’m from Tampa, I have to root for her. She really is a sweetheart, tho.
yes the hairy chested pit guy is beautiful dewitt does need to post who would you rather nice ass ion the hairy guy and the beard helps why woof
yes the hairy chested pit guy is beautiful dewitt does need to post who would you rather nice ass ion the hairy guy and the beard helps why woof