Yesterday was National Coming Out Day, and we thought we'd ask you about your experiences to (belatedly) celebrate the occasion. So what age did you come out of the closet? It seems like kids these days are coming out younger than ever. Before you know it, babies will be popping out of the womb and proclaiming their love for the same sex.
Okay, so maybe that's a stretch. If you're not out at this current point in time, what's stopping you from making that step? Do you even want to be out? We understand that this process isn't easy for everyone, and some don't even want to be a part of it. We just want to hear your story, no matter what it is!
– Dewitt
Well I came out to my parents when I was 15 but I thought about it for a whole year before I did. So I guess technically I started coming out at 14 because I told my friends first then my cousins then my parents then my older brother.
i was 14, i told my mom, “Mom, I think that something may be wrong.” She said, she knew what it was, and that it was not wrong. I love my mom.
That was it.
I have always known. Figured out the label in 3rd grade. Came close to coming out when I hit high school, but AIDS hit shoving me further in the closet. FINALLY (angelic choir), I came out to my family (even grandma) when I was 29. Was quite liberating.
I cam out at 21. I had been wanting to though since sixth grade. I can not say the way I came out was the best. Sept 1998 I was waiting for some friends to go play basketball. My step-father was being a jerk like normal and telling me to close the door. The sun was out and it was warm surprisingly. Well he came up and attempted to shut my foot in the door. I came out in the middle of an arguement with my step-father. It took me so long in fear of being disowned but none the less I did it. That closet door from coming out is no longer hanging. I’m out and proud.
my mom asked me.
i said yes.
suuure, this might of happened when i was 18 because she noticed i was spending alot of nights away (at my first bfs place, which was part of it all in that done in the fell swoop of things) and lots of “holding in her discrimination” followed… but that’s how the coming out portion went.
I came out on January 1st 2008, While i was living in Atlanta Georgia. (my family was all in michigan) I posted a picture of my now ex on my myspace and with the caption “Thats right ladies hes all mine” well i never told my mom she seen it when my sister left my myspace page open on the computer. I called my mom i was histerical i just wanted to come home because of alot of shit that happened in georgia. She said Cory thats not all I know about Jeff. and that it was f*cking awsome she always wanted a gay son.
I knew when I was 10 or 11, didn’t actually come out until I was of age. Mom and I were sharing a car at the time, and I was driving her home from work. I had to tell her why I suddenly wasn’t going into the Navy. She took it quite calmly, said it wouldn’t change how much she loved me, that she thought it was just a phase because I hadn’t had much experience with girls.
It’s 25 years later, and she knows it’s not a phase. Been with hubby almost 18 years, and sometimes I think she likes him more than me. 🙂
Sisters already knew and simply said “It’s about time you said something”.
I knew I was gay since about 5 years old although I didn’t understand what it was.
I came out at 18 years old and have never looked back.
I came out at age 20. I was intending to come out very gradually, to just one or two people at a time, but the first person I came out to went ahead and outed me on Facebook. I then freaked out and started coming out to all of my friends as damage control… and nobody cared. Most of them hadn’t even seen the Facebook message.
I’m not out to my family yet, but that’s just because I’m not sure how to start the conversation. I know they wouldn’t care though – my parents support gay marriage, have gay friends, and probably know already.
For the record, I knew I was gay at age 9, and I knew there was something “off” by the time I turned 5.
I knew I was ‘different’ when I was 4 but up until I was 10 I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then one night during dinner when I was 10 there was a story about the gay plague in San Francisco and they showed 2 guys holding hands. I blurted out “that’s it” and my good ole Seventh Day Adventist mom spit out her food and as they say, the rest is history. I guess she already suspected!
I was outed in highschool by a supposed “friend”. Spread around the school like wildfire. Threats, fights, rumors, teasing, humiliation all followed. I dropped out of highscool and moved to California from Montana. Went back in the closet for my own piece of mind. Now I am 25 and have been out and proud, after a few years of confusion, for about 5 years. Everyone knows, nobody cares except my Dad. We do not talk about it and he is extremely rude when we do. Whatever its my life. I wish I would have been braver in highschool but a small town in Montana was not very friendly. I still see people around town that give me shit but I shine em on and let my flame burn even brighter. !
mine was a wonderful xmas present to my mother and step family. my step father turned on the computer and like the crazy step parent nightmare that he was searched far and wide to find the porn on the computer. he first thought it to be his daughter but i fessed up. i knew something was wrong since i could feel attracted to something…then when i was 11 i found out what gay was thanks to my mother outing my older gay brother to the world. well the rest is history mainly because…i lived in arkansas. you can figure out what happened next lol. so its been 8 yrs now…sheesh.
I am so glad that you referenced the New York Magazine article. I thought that entire issue, especially that article, were superb.
I came out last year, I was 21 going onto 22. I never really expected to come out, but just figured that it would make life easier. It has been great so far, everyone is very supportive and understanding. I feel much better off!
I realized I was gay at 10 or 11. I came out to a few friends in high school (and apparently a few others knew already). My parents found the gay porn on my computer, so… that was fun (my dad was hoping it was “just a phase”). They’re a mix of open-minded and old-fashioned that makes it “OK,” but still a little awkward.
I tend to be a private person, so not everyone I know knows I’m gay, but I don’t try to hide it from anyone. Most people are fine with it when I tell them.
I came out the summer between Sophomore and Junior in high school. My parents still think its a phase, almost 4 years later.
i came out yesterday. On N.C.O.D. w00t w00t!!!
most my friends know, my x gfs know… My parent’s don’t know… When I told my sister, she started crying and crying, and we haven’t talked about that subject ever again. I don’t ever want to loose my parents because of what my culture (latino, roman catholic) says… but if hiding who I really am is what I have to do to not see my mom cry and have them always by my side.. I guess.. that’s it.
(who ever said life was ever easy?)
I came when I was 16. I promised myself that I would tell my parents I was gay before I went to school one day, so I could “run” away and let them calm down.
They woke up late that day and were freaking out. Ended up writing a note and posting it on their car windscreen. They where more pissed off that I couldnt tell them face to face.
I knew I wasn’t a “regular” kid as I grew up, but wasn’t sure what it was. I did know that I liked beautiful people, be it boys or girls, but more the boys. I always wanted to be around my slightly older cousins and their friends watching them play and wanting to join in, but not being allowed to, being told to go play with the girls. My step-father I think knew before me, I’ve never told him, but I believe he knows. I wasn’t a rough and tumble boy. I didn’t really like getting dirty, if I got bit by a bug I screamed like a girl, lol. and other little things, he did try to get me butched up though, took me fishing, hunting, etc. But he also called me names when he got mad. I realized I was gay young, but put off coming out until I actually acted on my feelings and urges at the age of 25. Told a couple of friends first, then my uncles ex-wife, then my mother and then cousins and my mom’s sisters and then step-mom and sisters and my dad. Everyone handled it better than my mind had me thinking, all except for one aunt and my mom, they cried, my mom suggested church, she asked how I knew, asked if I had been with a woman, I told her yes, and she asked, so how was it, lol. So I told her how do you think it was, she said she didn’t mean that, so I told her there was something missing, it didn’t really float my boat. We didn’t really talk for like 6 months after that, and then she called and talked to me, and told me just to be safe and careful. And the rest as they say, is history.
I knew I was gay for a long time before I came out. I was always afraid my parents would disown me. One day while visiting them, I said, “Mom, Dad….I’m gay.” To me surprise, they said, “Yes we know,” and the finished it with , “Do you want some more coffee?” I have always considered myself lucky. My family had been loving and supportive.
wow, thanks for the sharing! umm, i’m wayy in the closet but actually just got my cherry busted yesterday lol. Your stories make me feel better about coming out…but I’m very nervous. But thank you for your inspirational stories.
these stories are very uplifting 🙂
i wish i cud come out of the closet….my mum and dad have their suspicions what with the finding of gay porn and such website like this, and during the heated arguement that follows they ask me if i’m gay (through mountains of tears) and they say that if i am they will disown me and never support my decision, apparently one of my mothers uncles was gay and he was also a bit psycho, so my mother thinks that all gays are psychos. crazy bitch i tell ya 😉
i would come out to my friends (im sure none of them wud care as some of them are gay too) but most of my friends are also friends with my twin bro (non identical) and like to gossip…so if i come out to them i may as well come out to my brother…which will end up getting to my mum and dad.
i really want to come out, but right now its not the best idea. im still living at home while finishing off my uni degree, and plan to move out when its finished (in december) and once im in a position to not require the support of my parents thats when i plan on coming out.
im sick of having to sneek around meeting guys. i want to bring one home 🙂 would it be too much to ask for my parents to be supportive and encourage this?
I came out when I was 22 to my friends. We were at dinner at a restaurant and I just announced, “So I think I want to go out with Malcolm.” They all took it well.
However, coming out to my parents was harder and I ended up doing it when I was 23 by getting extremely drunk and calling them at 4:30 in the morning. There were some tears and “We’ll always love you.” My brother and sister didn’t take it well but they are coming around. Possibly because they can see I’m not changing…
Okay…well you can all laugh…I came out when I was 40!!!
I had know from a very young age…4 or 5…didn’t know it had a name, just knew that I liked boys.
I hid it for a long time…even got married for a short time (big mistake), no kids thankfully.
I lived in a small midwestern town, with very well known “go to church everyday Catholics” for parents, and six siblings. There were a couple of well known gays in town and they were not looked upon with my favor. I didn’t want that for me or my family.
I left the country for a year and it was the first time in my life I could actually be me! I liked it, a lot. I knew that I couldn’t live the secret anymore.
When I returned home to live, I met someone and fell in love. I wanted to live with him, and that wasn’t going to be possible to hide. So I gathered all my brothers and sisters together took them out on the patio and placed a margarita in each of their hands and told them.
My sisters all said, “Oh we knew that!” and hugged my new partner. My brothers were fine. Because nothing stays secret in my family I had to make them all promise not to say anything to my parents for a week, until I had the opportunity to tell them. I also needed to give myself a deadline.
I met my parents early one morning, before they went to mass, and told them…they both said in unison, “No You’re Not!”
I said, “Yes, I’m 40 years old and have been hiding this all of my life and I’m not going to do it anymore”.
My father pointed to the sky and told me that this was the worst possible thing I could possibly to to “Him” (meaning God), and that it is an abomination.
They really didn’t want to talk about it after that, so two weeks later I sent them a 10 page typed letter explaining things to them, about how my life would be trying to be someone I wasn’t, and about men that they know (not naming names), who cheat on their wives with other men, and that wasn’t the kind of life I wanted to lead.
After that, everyone acted like nothing had ever happened and I know my brothers and sisters were trying to help my parents accept it, but they continued to hold on to their belief that I would “Burn In Hell!”
I moved to the west coast, so now it is “wonderful” when I come to visit, and the last time I was there, my mother informed me that she had talked to a priest and he had told her that I can still be a Catholic in good standing if I live my life in a certain way (celebate, yeesh).
So if she prefers to believe that I never have sex with men…and that keeps here from having to spend extra time saying rosaries and novenas to keep me out of hell, that’s the way we leave it…LOL!
I am just so glad that I have found my place, found spirituality, and don’t have to deal with “Scary God” anymore….
I wish I had done it years before…just could never get up the guts and never had anyone in my life to help me through it.
I admire all of you younger men who do this when a teenager or early twenties, so that you can get on with your lives, and not have to hide.
It is almost never as big of a thing as you think it will be…well, except for those who have to live at home and be abused for it…so if you even remotely think that’s the case then, yes, wait until you can be out on your own…
i’ve been gay since birth, it’s pretty obvious…
being gay growing up wasn’t easy; not dating like our straight classmates, (and for some) having to deny it.
it’s almost like once we turn 18 (and move out, go to college, get jobs, etc) we are really like 14 yr old boys who are experiencing dating, love, etc for the first time.
for this reason i’m glad teens are coming out earlier and earlier, b/c hopefully future gay youths will be able to have a [normal] highschool experience complete with boyfriends, dances, love, etc.
I came out when I was 15. I finally figured out what I was when I fell in love with my jr. high gym teacher (total hottie!) when I was 12 and thought I was gay. Then a year later I decided I was Bi and dated girls, and stayed like that until I got my first boyfriend in high school. I told my dad that this guy was my boyfriend after I had been seeing him for awhile and my dad cried and hugged me and said he loved me. Oh, did I mention my dad is a major in the military? Scary stuff! My sisters said it was a little weird and didn’t understand it. But my friends loved me and didn’t care either way. I had been a pretty athletic gay boy, so none of the jocks bugged me and I didn’t have any bullying problems in high school. 🙂
well this is all very enlightening
I have always known that i was different. I never played with the boys always hung out with my older girl cousin. Experimented when i was able to and discovered sex when i was 13.
I came out to my close friends on Myspace in 2005. I do not advertise it but I will not deny it to ppl when they ask unless its my parents lol
I still live with them and they do suspect. I have been asked by my mom ina wierd way….”are you gay? cuz if you are thats not good because you’re gonna die and we canthave soemone like that here”
of course I always say no
My friends now know more about me and what it is and are always curious. I tell them anything they ask.
Stil working on telling my parents because I would hate to loose them. Even though we dont see eye to eye soemtimes i dotn know if i could be happy without them in my life.
They love using guilt arh!! lol
i love hearing coming out stories
i came out when i was 18 to my close female cousin, been in the closet for 6 years. i was in denial and was scared to lose my family and friends. i also heard of bad coming out stories.. my cousin decided to take me to a gay bar before my 19th bday. after experiencing the gay bar, i decide to come out since i know i had to come out sooner or later in my life. if came out when i was older i would have missed out on all the experiences being a gay young adult. plus i was tired of living a lie.
i only came out to the people i cared about the most, and fo the rest i didnt care. the word started to spread so i decided to tell my parents. i thought it would hurt them more if they heard from somebody else than me. my parents were tradional asian parents… and roman catholic.. they think its just a phase(which is funny, from reading some of the other peoples coming out stories, alot of parents think its just a phase)
Wow! All of these stories are truly inspirational.
I first knew that something was “off” at a very early age… I’d have to say around Grade 1 or 2. It wasn’t something huge or anything, it was just ‘different’ for me than for others.
I lived a rather sheltered life. Mom’s a big time Christian and Dad was born and raised in a family that still believes people of colour are beneath them. (Harsh, I know!) I finally figured ‘it’ out in Grade 9 when I had free reign of the internet (internet schooled for Grade 8 and 9… I figured out how to bypass the filter at the end of Gr. 8… LOL) and finally knew what it all meant. It wasn’t a trip through endless amounts of gay porn vs. straight porn. It was mostly filled with news articles and informational websites.
At the end of Grade 9 (June 27th to be exact) I told my Mom late one night while my Dad was at work. BIG MISTAKE!!! Mom’s initial reaction was to deny it; “No You’re Not!” were the first words out of her mouth. She cried uncontrollably all night. In the morning when Dad got home, he sat me down and forced me to tell him what had Mom so upset. So I explained the whole thing to him (whilst crying a lot myself… I was worried that I’d be walking to a friends house shortly thereafter). He was very calm about it and instantly started badgering me and asking all sorts of questions trying to understand it. I didn’t really have the answers, and honestly, I wasn’t ready to come out at that age.
Well, my parents decided to get me “fixed” because apparently I was “broken”. We saw a chaplain (from Dad’s work) and then finally went to a psychologist. I eventually dragged Mom’s pastor into the mix and used him as a tool to shove myself back into the proverbial closet… I couldn’t take the fighting and the emotional roller-coaster anymore.
This is just over 3 years later now. I continue to tell them that I’m straight, and yet I know with all my heart that I’m not. It hurts me everyday that I lied to them, I just don’t know how they will react to it now. Dad tends to push liars out of his life and have nothing to do with them but I don’t want that. Although my relationship with my family right now is based on a lie and it nearly kills me, I’d far rather have that than no relationship at all.
I don’t flaunt my sexuality like a patriot and his flag. Some people suspect me right away, while others are shocked when they figure it out or I tell them (usually by saying something about some guy that walks past… LOL!). I don’t hide my sexuality either. If someone comes up to me and asks me about it I’ll gladly talk about it. And to all those out there that come up to me and berate me about how it is an “abomination” I gladly tell them what I think of them and where I think they should shove the rest of their beliefs! :o)
I’m not going to say my life is perfect, it’s far from it, but I simply accept that this is who I am and I’m not changing for anyone other than myself (NOT HAPPENING anytime soon!). I’m ecstatic to hear of so many people that have managed to have a better than average coming out experience… and my heart goes out to those who have had a slightly more difficult time with their coming out.
I KNOW that in time more people are going to be able to accept that there is nothing that can be done about it, and honestly, it isn’t hurting them one bit. Just keep persevering and one day, one day it will pay off!!!
I always knew that i wasn’t like the other boys. I was more intersted in playing with dolls then playing kick ball. Through out my life all of my closest friends have been women. When I was really young, I had my first encounter with a boy. We were playing like doctor or somthing and it just seemed to fit. We used to play around and explore things together. Then I started to develope close relationships with other boys in school.
Continuing to play around with the boys, I offically came out to myself freshmen year of highschool. I knew that my obsession with the Backstreet Boys was not only for the music..mmm kevin.
My closest guy friend in elemtray school then came out to the school, and it wasn’t a surpise at all. When I turned 17, my bff at the time (a guy) and I used to pretend we were dating, by 18 I was completely out to my friends. Again, not a surpirsed, everyone told me they knew for years.
I came out to my mom when I was 19, but i didn’t get to do it they way i wanted to. She kinda came home early and walked into somthing awkward. She then told my family.
It ended up that two of my best guy friends from elementry school are gay, and two girls i have known forever are lesbians.
This is slightly off topic, but there are a lot more videos on coming out stories, and ways to do it on youtube too. Most people tell their coming out story there. I started this year since I finally have a computer with a webcam. You can check them all out there.
knew @ 5 but it didn’t have a name..”came out” and said ”gay” @ 15 when some guy i met snuck me into a club in DC and asked me to dance..he asked ”how long u been gay” i said ”how long we been dancin?”