Prior to ever attending a gay pride parade, I just assumed they were excuses for muscular dudes to drunkenly dance around on floats in rainbow thongs. The image in my head somehow involved body glitter, along with a leather daddy who walked around in chaps with his ass hanging out. Frankly, I didn’t understand what any of those things had to do with “pride”.
And then I had my first gay pride experience. My friend tricked me into meeting at a downtown NYC bar, just as the parade was beginning to wind down. While walking to our venue, it became clear that some of my snap judgments weren’t so far from reality. Take this story for example…
A group of five twinks walked by wearing nothing but booty shorts. Each of them represented a different color of the rainbow. One passerby shouted to them, “Hey, what happened to your orange?”, to which they slurred back something about him passing out a block or two ago. Classy!
But beyond all of these hot messes, it became clear that pride is so much more than that. I witnessed couples holding hands, families attending the event together and a thoroughly diverse representation of the LGBT community.
For one day in the year, it didn’t matter if you were gay or a lesbian. It didn’t matter if you were a bear or a twink. Hell, it didn’t matter if you were a promiscuous cum slut or monogamously partnered for twenty years. Everyone was united in one common bond, and I couldn’t deny the beauty of it all.
Now that I’ve shared a few of my thoughts on pride, I’d love to hear some of your experiences, stories and thoughts. Will you be attending a local pride event? Or hiding out until it’s over?
– Dewitt
Photo credit: David Arias
Hell yes I’ll be attending. Chicago has basically two summer events. Pride week at the end of June including the parade and the North Halsted Market Days in August. The parade is one of the largest in Illinois and Market Days is one of the largest street fairs. Tons of fun.
Pride to me isn’t about what you wear or how you behave. Pride to me is WHO you are inside. It lets the world know that queers are here and whether you like it or not we are not going away. FUCK THE MORAL MAJORITY.
Now, I know a lot of conservative gays cringe at this but conservative gays would not enjoy the rights they have today if it wasn’t for the drag queens at Stonewall in 1969. Pride is about celebrating our diversity and raising public awareness.
I am a middle-aged fairly conservative appearing guy but will fight til my death to let the drag queens, twinks, leather boys etc have the right to be who they are!
The world (this country) has to accept the fact that life is evolving and this is no longer 1955.
in the past i thought of them as a joke, a simple show-off mascaraed
then i changed my ideas about them
then i finally attended one in london.
it was unbelievable, a true sense of pride when i saw real army men, the fleet, policemen, doctors, firemen and many representatives of other professions marching openly gay.
it’s the sense of diversity, the idea that gay people can do anything in this life..
was nice.
Pride is embarrassing – I call it shame. Our community would be better served by using the day to recognize and celebrate the contributions of gays past and present, thereby educating straights and actually instilling pride in our ranks. Instead we revel in our worse stereotypes. While I understand Pride was initially borne out of a need to freely express ourselves, at some point we need to evolve. African-Americans very effectively celebrate Black History Month in a way that helps their cause….we could learn a lot from their example.
Probably not, i’ve been before but it’s not really my thing. I love being gay and i love my gay brothers/sisters but i don’t have much in common with those in the general community…
volunteering for one of our local organisations is my part for advancing the gay cause.
Let me get one thing out there before I start saying anything else. I like guys and I am in no way ashamed to be gay. However, I’m honestly embarrassed to associated with the gay stereotype, especially since I’m getting near my early 20s and that’s the age group known for their “flaming queerness”. Albeit, I’m not out so I can’t speak for those who are, but I’ve come to think that I’m a person and I just happen to be gay. When people wear their sexuality on their sleeve (not like kissing in public or holding hands but people with the fairy wings and such), they’re telling people that all they are is gay. “We’re here, we’re queer…” is really annoying.
Tom, you said it perfectly. The black community is fighting for equality in a very civil and effective manner. So is the Human Rights Campaign. The gay community, however, has a lot to learn.
I’ve never been to Pride and don’t have any intention of going, though I won’t say never. Leather daddies in buttless chaps, S&M, twinks dancing around in their underwear, muscle boys dancing around in their underwear, randomw festival attendees dancing around in their underwear… Why do our fetishes need to be on display? How does that help the communities we live in understand that we’re not all about sex? To me, it seems to celebrate all the stereotypes that hold us back from that.
However, I know that a lot of the less flashy stuff does go on. I have friends who worked for the local AIDS foundation’s booth, encouraging HIV testing and safe sex; there were floats supporting marriage equality, gay political action groups, gay family organizations, and theater companies; so there is balance.
All in all…Pride is not my thing, but pride in myself and the gay community at large IS. I’m grateful to those drag queens and other patrons of the Stonewall for fighting back. Thank you.
Well first off, I know a LOT of people hate pride. They think it’s gotten too commercial and that it gives the right more ammunition to use against us. Well, who gives a fuck what the hell the right thinks. They will always hate us, whether we give them a “reason” to or not.
Secondly, for younger gays like myself, I have no gay friends, I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t go to gay/clubs bars. For me pride is the only time I get to be with my family. Not the family that rejected me and made me feel like I should change or kill myself, but one with tons of other people just like me.
Pride is the one place I don’t have to “keep myself in check”, where I can act and be who I really am and NOT feel like I am constantly being judged for it. It’s the one place I go where for just a few hours of a single day I can feel what it’s like to be part of the majority instead of a minority.
You can call drag queens and muscleboys and twinks in speedos whatever you want but that doesn’t make them any less a part of or less important this community. If we are to be expected to “clean up” and sweep things under the rug that have been a part of gay culture for decades to be accepted by mainstream society, then I’ll gladly remain a freak.
I’m a gay man. I’m out. I’m happy with my life. But I’m no more “proud” of being gay than I am “proud” of having brown eyes or being 5’10” tall. Beyond that, count me in with Tom’s comments above.
I also gotta agree with Tom. I always thought thats what Pride was, was just a large party weekend.
In Indianapolis our pride is a week of events that range from parties at bars, Educational seminar on Harvey Milk and how to be engaged in politics, we also have events that are for all ages and lots of families come out. We also do a day of service for local charities. We also have our festival and parade. I think that is enough to be proud of.
I Totally agree with AAA. Why does one have to be proud to be gay? We have no more control over being gay than being straight. It is just what we are.
Pride has to do more with achievements than a life style.
I’m going…. if Prince William drops that slut and asks me to be his date. Diana would be so proud…
I’ve never been. I’m from the middle of nowhere and they don’t have pride anywhere close. As an aside… I LOVE JOSH GRIFFIN! [The guy on the left]
Sad, so sad. These comments confirm what I have often thought of as the demographics of this blog. So many closeted, unhappy and yes, probably self-loathing gay men. Sad, so sad.
I just do not understand why you feel like you have to conform to the norms of heterosexual society.
I enjoy pride when I get to go to it … but I have to agree with the Ex … Pride is just a major meat market … and is kinda depressing … yes I am proud that I am a gay man but we really need to change the image of our community or no one will ever take us seriously … I can’t believe I’m about to post this but its true … we need a unified front in order to get what we want and if we as a community used pride for just that maybe we might be taken seriously
I’m sorry…There is nothing redeeming about my local pride…in Asbury Park.
1 – The clubs just end up being a parade of guys that’ve ignored you on Manhunt…or you’ve hooked up with and regretted afterwards.
2 – Everyone else seems tweaked out.
So, when I think of Pride, it doesn’t instill a sense of pride in me. I struggle with the fact that I need a weekend to show “pride” in a community that has often left me on the outskirts.
And on this weekend, it seems that the feelings of exclusion are only stronger…because everyone’s gathered in one central place.
I have enver been to pride, but I just came out during last year and I’m now just considering it. I agree that form what I’ve hear it pretty much displays alla the stereotypes that most of us hate and hate to be associated with. Then again, if all us gay people that DOESN’T feel like parading in leather underwear stay in our homes, then pride will continue to be filled with stereotypes. Perhaps going to pride and making the “normal” crowd bigger is a way to make people realize that most of us are just regular people who just happen to like people of our own sex
i’m pride every day””
Sadly, Philly’s events are LAME.
I’ve been to NYC’s a few times — and enjoyed a couple of parades — but last year’s was SOOOOOOO pathetic, badly paced, etc. I was so shocked.
I wish we focused more on the accomplishment piece more
What “pride” is there in being a drunk, tweaked-out twink running around in underoos or being blown behind dumpsters? You can call us self-haters all you want, and we’ll call people like that drug-addicted whores all we want. When there is a pride event that actually represents me, I’ll be there.
Pride is… well, not for me. I know people who enjoy it and bully for them, but it’s not something I see myself enjoying. I identify myself more as being proud of myself than I am of being any one part of who I am partly out of shame but shame isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I moderate my “freeness” and just want to be the good community person who’s known for being a good person who, y’know, happens to be bi/functionally gay. If you’re comfortable with being part of the groups that meet during Pride, then go–I won’t stop you. But don’t think I’ll be hopping to go with you.
That said, I’ll get out to bars and parties on occasion but not too often. I’m a homebody and as proud of that as I am of being into guys 😛
I think before ANYONE judges pride they should take a look at the stonewall riots. Wikipedia has a fantastic article.
Yeah its a little too much “this” and a little too much “that”. But man what an accomplishment that it can be a little too much of anything, what an accomplishment that it can BE.
Any FYI
the flamboyant nature really pays respect to the origins of pride, lets not forget that.
Alejandro…if you are who you truly are, your words move me. I too know what its like to live in a place where people hate who you are for being gay. I was fortunate enough to have an understanding family and group of friends to come out to, not everyone has that luxury.
Pride for me has always been that one day I can celebrate being gay with others, outside the closet doors. Where people of all ages, races, sexes, demographics. etc come together to recognize an amazing group of people.
I hope one day we’ll live in an american society that has no need for coming out. Where if I see someone of the same sex, at whatever stage of my life, it will be ok for me to like them and be with them.
Until then, I’ll wave my flag proudly with my peeps (and def have a bunch of jello shots).
I definately agree with the above comment Josh Griffin is very sexxxy!!!…YYUUMMMM
I attended my first pride last year. I absolutely loved it. I grew up in a small town where I felt like no one accepted me.
As I attended Atlanta Pride last year and watched the parade progress down Peachtree Street I literally teared up because I think for the first time I actually realized that there were WAY more people like me out there.
For me pride was a wonderful experience. Yes, there are the leather daddies, the twinks on floats, the lesbians on their motorcycles, but who the hell are we to judge them?
I recently got a new tattoo of one of my favorite bible verses, Matt. 7:1 “judge not least ye be not judged”.
Those of you judging those who participate in pride should be ashamed. Because you do not understand it or do not believe in it, does NOT mean it is wrong. You are just as bad as the “right” if you feel that way because that is why they do not approve of gay.. because they do not understand or do not believe it is right.
dont mean to step on toes..
For people who frequent a gay porn blog sponsored by a website that exists to create casual often anonymous sex hookups between men you ‘conservative’ gays sure do act all high and mighty. I guess as long as your ‘sterotypical’ activities are behind closed doors it’s okay? Give me a fucking break.
Noah, why would anyone make the assumption that all gays who have a different take on Pride-related events are labeled as “conservative” simply because we are not in lockstep with how we/you define Pride. You see this as a time for gay people to gather and celebrate via parades and parties, while many of us would rather see Pride events multi-dimensional and less self-serving. I’d rather celebrate the person I am today, tomorrow and so on in my own way, than wear my sexuality on my sleeve for a week playing dress up and going to parties sponsored by some flavor-of-the-week liquor vendor.
i think i just had a Stroke Of Genius.
here me out:
how about, we don’t call what has been passing for Pride, Pride, anymore?
it would be more honest to call it “The National LGBT Big Party Weekend.”
Gay Pride should, indeed, be more conservative — the time and opportunity to push forward that pesky “homosexual agenda” of finally getting Equal Rights & Acceptance (on an international level), and confining expressions of Homophobia to less than 3% of the current world population (with the hope that future generations wouldn’t get taught that ugly prejudice).
~||~
does That sound fair?
(i regret misspelling one word but, it’s done now.)
Here in Milwaukee, Pride is mainly celebrated at the Festival Grounds, a major focus of the city’s summer activities for all social groups. It’s a fairly mainstream, family-friendly event, although there is a parade on Sunday. Apart from a few drag queens, the kinkiest it gets is the Dance Pavilion.
But the extreme activity at a typical Pride parade has value. These ‘stereotypes’ are true–there really are leather daddies, drag queens, club bois, and so on. Telling them to go away and dress like mainstream straights is just repeating the oppression that all gays and lesbians experienced prior to the 70s. If you’re a leather fan, like I am, being able to wear your leathers in public is amazingly liberating and validating.
The in-your-face quality that Pride parades have also serves to advance the cause of more mainstream gays. Once the general community gets used to the existence of leather daddies, drag queens, and so on, mainstream gays seem more ‘normal’ and acceptable.
But my favorite comment on Pride parades was an Onion article “Gay Pride Parade Sets Back the Cause of Gay Rights 10 Years”, which featured people talking about how they used to think gays were nice normal people but now think of them as dangerous freaks. The best part was an interview with a representative of the Los Angeles Gay And Lesbian and Bisexual and Transgendered and Transexual Association (LAGALABATATA). I still laugh every time I say that.
I have done New York Pride, Toronto Pride, DC Pride, Baltimore Pride, Philly Pride and after 5 years I noticed something. They are all pretty much the same, wherever you are, wherever you go. You could take Philly Pride and place it in New York and you would not notice the difference. I dont go any more. I find them tiresome and bland.
I personally agree with many of you on this blog that the Gay pride events need to be scaled down and much more focused on promoting the good things and things we are PROUD of doing and being. And the continuted fight for equal rights. It has gone from a powerful statement DAY to a WEEK+ of drunken, drug laced and horresdous shows of nothingness…
My biggest complaint about what Pride is that it truely has become the posterchild of the “Imaginary Holiday” creation phenomina…and the vast majority of those creating that are members of our own communinty purposely screwing us over to make money. Its all about money and how much they can make – not about “pride”. Its no different than valentine’s day – roses are $20 bucks until the two week before and then they are $50. Dance event tickets are $20-30 — but during Pride Week they are $50, Drink special go away during Pride Week, Hotel prices go up, advertising rates go up… etc. etc. etc. Its all about the rape of their own community for money.
Here is the link to the onion article:
http://mobile.theonion.com/articles/gaypride-parade-sets-mainstream-acceptance-of-gays,351/?mobile=true
As African American I know all 2 well about bigotry & ignorance but most of all pride I can remember ( all though very young ) Dr.King and hundreds of others marching ( peacefully ) as hydrants and dogs were turned on them !! History has long dictated the horrors of the civil rights struggle but someday 2 history will speak of the struggle that ultimately led to the 1st African American occupy the office of the President of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA . The point that I am trying 2 make is through out the civil rights struggle in spite of all the beatings,bloodshed and yes even DEATH DR.King &( many,many ) thousands of people of all shades & walks of life continue to march ( and 2 do so peaceful ) must have taken a lots of courage and most of all PRIDE .So PRIDE should not be about the floats,the characters or even about what they R ( or not ) wearing but rather abouts the determination that rest deep in your soul waiting with anticipation for when day comes that all People despite race,creed,sex or sexual orientation will be able to live happily and as they so choose ….
I remember my first time, about six years ago, I went with my best friend and cousin. That day i had a memorable experience because just like Dewitt i had negative thoughts about it….. at first my negative thoughts were being proven right then after finally stopping myself from being so negative i ended up opening my eyes and saw boyfriends, girlfriends, threesome couples, gay wonderful families just enjoying the day and showing off their pride which was ultimately awesome and wonderful that just made me embrace my gay side a lot more then i already did so because of pride it has made me a better person