Y’all ain’t EVER gonna believe what happened to me over the weekend! While I was all up at Wendy’s deepthroating a Pretzel Bacon Cheeseburger, these five fine motherfuckers rolled up with their DICKS out. My jaw dropped down to the floor, and I was straight up HYPNOTIZED by the big ol’ pendulum balls swaying back and forth. You just KNOW Ms. Boulangerié Knowles had to get her some of THAT!
Just as I’m about to lunge forward and swing from one dick to the next like I’m Tarzan in the motherfuckin’ jungle, these five BITCHES start harmonizing like they’re *NSYNC or some shit, singing some song that’s OBVIOUSLY all about how they wanna stick it a butt instead of a pussy… And I ain’t MAD at that! Ms. Boulangerié Knowles will take a big dick WHEREVER she can get it. They had me so open, I would have let them triple-penetrate my nostrils!
In any case, these motherfuckers (whoever the FUCK they were) invited me onto their tour bus, stripped me down and started asking me if I was down to bang. I was all like, “Fuck yes! Do I look like some prissy, tutu-wearing bitch who don’t love DICK?” Then they put me on a wheel and spun me around like this, taking turns plugging me in BOTH ends. They were serving up BALLS-DEEP realness, hunty.
Right as I was stepping off their bus while wiping their JIZZ off my lips, I hopped onto my Facebook page to see if my cousin’s gynecologist’s cousin Rotisserie Luckett posted any new pictures of her HOT new piece of dick. Turns out, the only thing ANYONE was talking about was the new video by the whack-ass Backstreet Boys. I hit the play button so I could laugh at these old try-hard fame SLUTS, and I could not believe my DAMN eyes! These were the same five men who tossed my salad and rammed me so hard up the ass I can’t EVEN feel my legs no more.
What! The! FUCK?
Watch the Backstreet Boys tongue-fuck you with their sweet melodies below:
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i love you.
Rotisserie Luckett?? Kinda brilliant, Dewitt.
I never bothered to learn the names of the Backstreet Boys (which still sounds like a gay porn movie), so all I can say is that I’d like to get that guy in the middle “wide open”!
The bearded one? AJ McLean?
From what I understand, he used to be “the ugly one”.
Am I the only one who thinks the whole “Boulangerie Knowles” thing is past tired?
Nope! I’ve been trying to get her fired since she started here.
I’ll take Kevin, please… and Nick is still annoying with a nasally voice. Is he ever going to age?
I used to think Kevin was the hottest, but now his hair kind of scares me.
What is that porn clip from? Looks like a hot scene…
I believe it’s Parker Perry’s Pack Attack gangbang from Hot House: http://ow.ly/nTyGR