ITEM – This proves my theory that if the gay icon is big enough, a homeboy can work up an erection somehow for the story alone. Cher was on Andy Cohen’s show pushing that terrible single (I’m sorry, it sucks. It sent me reeling to YouTube to watch this hacky video to wash the taste of “Woman’s World” out of my blowhole). Andy asked her about her various lovers, AND SHE SAID TOM CRUISE WAS TOP FIVE. Holy shit. Can you envision that?
I’m a shitty gossip columnist cuz’ I didn’t even know those two were a thing. The 80s were fucked. I bet he had a ball supervising that wig, though. She’s no fool. A gay boyfriend can double as a wig wrangler. (via Towleroad)
ITEM – Alec Baldwin got irritated at the UK’s Daily Mail for writing that his wife Hilaria Thomas (she’s a superheroine with the power of comedy) was Tweeting during James Gandolfini’s funeral. So he took to Twitter and got all gay-slurry. Again. I know you’re liberal and have a hot voice and are pretty much a sexy bear and everything, Al. But cool it with the gay jabs. You don’t want Walgreens, J.C. Penney, Sears, The Food Network, Smithfield Foods, Caesars, Novo Nordisk, Wal-Mart, Target and Home Depot to drop your fat ass. (via DListed)
ITEM – That’s Grant Bowler. He’s an Australian actor who stars on a show called Defiance on the SyFy Channel. He also played Richard Burton in that messy Liz Taylor flick Lohan did. This picture of him at a recent movie premiere is making the rounds. Can you guess why? We’re soliciting opinions. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIS CROTCH AREA? Is that a coiled-up penis? Or does he have the widest yet stubbiest dick in existence? Is it a secret fupa no longer secret? Let’s talk.