Dr. Queerlove: FB to BF?

Dr. Queerlove

Dr. Queerlove,

So, I've had a fuck buddy for some time now. Through it, he's always had a boyfriend.

Our chemistry is great and we are very attracted to each other, although we've only ever shared sexy time.  He and his boyfriend recently broke up. I was wondering if it's at all possible to move beyond fuck buddies and have any kind of meaningful relationship?  What do you think?

Forever FB

For the Doc's advice, follow the JUMP:


Before you make a move, ask yourself if you are willing to risk losing the sex. Once you bring up dating, the casual dynamic of convenient fucking could be jeopardized. Consider if he’s ready to dive back into a relationship. If he was with the ex for a while, he might look forward to being single.

Test the waters by inviting him to do something other than fuck. Tell him you have an extra movie ticket for Brüno, or to a movie that doesn’t suck, and see how he reacts when you ask him to go with you. If he says yes, then it will be a good opportunity for both of you to gauge chemistry outside of the bedroom (or off the kitchen counter). If he passes, follow-up with a quick “ok, so you want to blow me first, or should I go?"

Once you've thought it through a bit, I say go for it! Worst-case scenario, he doesn't think of you in a romantic way and to avoid leading you on he stops the casual fucking. Yea, that sucks. But other than losing the fuck buddy, you're no worse off. And there are solutions for the loss of a fuck buddy.

On the flip side, the payoff of this risk could result in tons of sex and Malawian babies!

I do have one question, though. Assuming he is interested in being your man, would you be comfortable with him having a fuck buddy on the side while you’re dating? Some relationships are open and comfortable with that. The vast majority are not. I wonder if while he was with his ex you were a fuck buddy or the "other woman" (there is a difference).

I mention this because if he's done it before, it is likely he'll do so again. You may have no problem with that (and as a knowing and participatory accomplice to his prior indiscretions, I assume you don't). But if you’re a hypocrite and you do take issue with him getting some side action, then bring it up after you’ve been dating for a bit.

But before you bring up anything, have one good long fuck. Just in case.

Could you use some advice between the sheets? At the foot of the
bed? In the kitchen? In the gym steam room? E-mail Doctor Queerlove
with questions about love, sex, kink and questionably legal activities:

DISCLAIMER: Dr. Queerlove is not a doctor, of any kind. Not even
a Ph.D. in Sotomayoriness. So if you follow his advice and end up
bruised, impotent and alone, you can’t sue us… because we’re telling
you right here that you can’t.

4 thoughts on “Dr. Queerlove: FB to BF?

  1. Umm, I think “Forever FB” would be better off letting the FB make the first move
    even if they’d be compatible, chances are the FB won’t want to think of that right now, and “Forever FB” will fuck things up by pushing too quick
    if the sex is great, let it last, and if he wants a BF, you’ll be the first on his mind if you’re his type
    if you aren’t his type, you’ll still have a great FB

  2. Malawian Baby?
    Is that a reference to Malawi’s incredibly HIGH mortality rate? Or their extremely big problem with HIV/AIDS?
    Are you saying that they’re going to have AIDS babies … infect each other … ummm?
    I’m confused as to how this is a “payoff.”

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