The 2016 Grabby Awards: Porn’s Biggest Night
Ok! We’re here, live, from the Grabby Awards in beautiful (albeit rainy and humid) Chicago, Illinois. If you haven’t looked over the nominations list yet, do it now. Every category has about 20 nominees, s0 I’m very curious how this event isn’t going to take 9 hours to get through all this stuff. Maybe there’s a pre-show ceremony that we don’t see where they give away the technical awards that nobody wants to watch.
At any rate, I’ll be doing a blow by blow here – including pictures if I can make it happen – so stick with me and you’ll know the winners before anyone else.
Ready? Let’s go:
7:50 PM: OK guys. I’m camped out way up high in the balcony but I can see pretty well and I’m ready for this to start. Allegedly we’re a mere 5 minutes from showtime.
8:11 PM: Recent tweets from Diesel Washington. This could be a whole show in itself. Chi Chi and Honey just going back and forth through DW’s timeline.
8:20 PM: So far this is a lot of filler, but they’ve introduced the Trophy Boys for the night so maybe awards are soon.
8:37 PM: Best Fetish Movie went to Under Garment from Gentleman’s Closet!
8:40 PM: Supermen.com has donated 300 bucks to every Grabby winner tonight. No idea what Supermen.com is. But I guess if you win, go get your 300 dollars.
8:45 PM: my new crush Nirmalpal from Steamworks is presenting the Steamworks Fan Favorite. Went to Baby Boy. Which I didn’t see and don’t know anything about. Woo.
9:00 PM: I don’t mean to complain really but this is kind of surprisingly poorly organized. This is my first year, so I don’t know how it compares to previous Grabbys, but man. Y’all need to have some more rehearsals! ?
9:05 PM: Mickey Taylor is taking it home. Wow. More performers should be singing tonight. This is a good change of pace.
9:20 PM: I’ll update the post with all of the Wall of Fame awards that I skipped here because it really seemed like a lot of them.
Also, Peter Pecker just won the Favorite Fan award.
9:22 PM: Hottest Top went to Rocco Steele. Everyone was shocked. Much surprise. Very unexpect.
9:27 PM: Hottest Bottom goes to fucking Kyle muthafuckin Kash. Booooom goes the dynamite!!
9:33 PM: Hey! Bruce Villanch is here! And he’s presenting Hottest Cock!
9:34 PM: It’s JJ Knight!
9:36 PM: Tex Davidson just won for Cauke, but he’s not here tonight.
9:40 PM: Str8UpGayPorn just won Best Blog. Wow. Diesel Washington is accepting the award on his behalf. And now he’s explaining how affiliate business works. This is easily the best part of the night. I could watch this for hours.
9:45 PM: Best Group goes to Tayte, Ricky, and Liam for Meeting Liam.
9:47 PM: Best All Sex went to Raging Hardon from Men.com.
9:50 PM: Literally nothing interesting is happening. They’re just plowing through awards. Manly Man went to Dallas Steele.
I think we need to bring out more people to yell about blogging. That part was great.
9:53 PM: the Titan portion of the evening has started and Dirk Caber and Dallas Steele won Best Flip.
9:55 PM: Hottest Rimming went to Killian James and Kyle Kash!! I’m totally winning the pool tonight. I picked all the right people.
10:02 PM: Diego Sans won Best Web Performer. I met Johnny V and Micah Brandt. ?? Johnny’s shoulders make him look like a superhero and Micah is jarringly more pretty in real life than on film. I could think of nothing interesting to say.
10:08 PM: I’m sleepy.
10:10 PM: they’re reading over the awards not presented on stage tonight, which still feels like you’re just making us go through those awards anyway.
10:15 PM: Best Movie of the Year: Total Exposure 2, Raging Stallion. Nice.
10:18 PM: That’s our night! There’s no more awards. Lots of folks are disappointed. Some got trophies. All of us lost a few hours we can’t get back. Time for after parties. Good night!