Earlier this year, Tom Daley publicly stated he’s not gay. What he didn’t say, and perhaps didn’t even know at the time, was that he’s somewhere along the spectrum of sexuality. The British diver revealed that he’s happily dating another man in a YouTube video released this Monday morning, specifying that he still “fancies” girls as well.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking—this is just a pit stop on the road to homosexuality. You may be right, you may be crazy. The fact of the matter is? That’s for Tom Daley to figure out on his own. Never once within this video does he state that he’s “gay”, yet for some reason, I wound up receiving no less than five e-mails with the subject heading “Tom Daley is gay” or some variation thereof.
It’s kind of an insult to anyone who identifies as bisexual, pansexual, questioning or curious to definitively state that being involved with a man automatically makes you “gay”. Human sexuality isn’t so black and white! I think it’s time that we all acknowledge there’s some room for experimentation and other possibilities. This could be the first and only time Tom dates a guy, or it could be the stepping stone into a lifetime of butt sex. None of us know. And, frankly, at nineteen years-old, Tom Daley might not even know himself.
The bottom line (pun maybe intended) is that you shouldn’t be a dick. Everyone comes to terms with their sexuality in a different way, and it’s such an annoyingly snarky response to say “told you so” or project your own close-minded views of bisexuality onto Tom’s personal experience. Let him exist. Let him explore. And let him decide what he is or isn’t on his own damn schedule.
– Dewitt
Watch Tom explain his new relationship in the video below:
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Mmmm, Tom Daley. 🙂
thank you, Dewitt for having some understanding about the challenges we bi men face with our own identity, and the crap stereotyping the (mostly) gay community place on us. I am happily married to a woman for 34 years, still have awesome sex, but have an attraction to men that still needs to be fulfilled as well. I torture myself constantly about my identity, try to keep it in perspective and accept myself when others will not. I believe bisexuals are most belittled by gays (many – sorry, not trying to lump everyone into this comment!) because they cannot understand being attracted to women at all sexually.
Thanks for hearing my rant!
It also sounded snarky to read: Tom Daley is still not gay but he’s currently dating another man.
How about: “Tom Daley reveals that he is in a relationship with a man.”??
Guess you cant help yourself….
A Lifetime Of Buttsex: The Dewitt Story
No snark was intended. That title is accurate.
denying that one is gay when one is having mansex is insulting to those of us who are gay. If you want to deny being “exclusively gay”, that’s fine — but if you are having sex with a man and there isn’t a woman involved in the act, its gay sex. Deal with it.
The act of having sex with a man doesn’t make one gay, it’s how the person identifies. I’m in a relationship with a man, and am bisexual (not gay). I think it’s more insulting that you’re trying to force your definition on him.
I just think labels are ridiculous when they’re forced. If I see a hot hole, I’m fucking it. Man, woman, a combination, or an alien, I’m DTF. And might I say, Tom seems like he has a nice pucker.
I thought this was a brave and honest statement that he didn’t need to make, and he should be totally supported by all his family, friends, gay community, etc. Any kind of criticism from anyone who’s gay is just being bitchy, in my opinion.
Amen to that! I would slurp on that diver ass all night long (and into the morning).
Thank you for acknowledging that human sexuality is a range
of behavior. According to Dan Savage: “Sexual orientation may not be a choice,
but sexual identity is. The more closely a person’s professed sexual identity
reflects his behavior, and the more closely his behavior reflects his desires,
the less fucked-up and conflicted he’s likely to be. So if a guy is attracted
to men and women equally, and he sleeps with both men and women, and he falls
in love with men and women, he should identify as bisexual, since the bisexual
label most accurately describes who he is and what his partners can expect from
him.
If a guy’s sexual and emotional desires are overwhelmingly
hetero, on the other hand, but he likes to suck cock once in a great while,
then identifying as bisexual is rather misleading. A guy who’s exclusively into
women emotionally and 95 percent into women sexually probably shouldn’t tell
anyone he’s bi. Better he should round himself up to 100 percent hetero in
casual conversations and tell people he’s straight, because
“straight” most accurately describes who he is.”
Im glad he’s happy but it was weird that in the video, he doesnt say he’s bisexual either. Yout don’t have to label yourself but its no surprise that gay media has claimed him. He’s hot, young and successful and has had gay rumors for a long time. Not sure cuz anyone knew anything (he hasn’t said if this was his first guy), or if he was just cute and young and gays want everyone to be gay. IT does remind me how times have changed…WHen I was his age, I was ready to commit suicide because I was so afraid of what being gay meant or that I would automatically die of AIDS. I could never have fathomed gay celebrities, athletes or gay marriage
I think most people realize that sexuality is a continuum with various people on various sides of that. I think people, gay or straight, have a difficult time understanding people who have attraction to both genders because they themselves don’t. So straight people can’t understand same sex attractions and many gay people, esp those who have never had sex with the opposite gender,can’t understand attractions to both genders. People think everyone should be like them. Whether its sexual orientation or other forms of identity,society would be better off if we did away with labels and everyone just was let to be who they are
Some who define themselves as bisexual may hiding that they’re gay, or are still unsure. But I believe there are men out who are truly attracted to both sexes. I have a good friend who mostly has sex with men, but if an opportunity with a hot woman arises, he jumps for it. We should not discriminate against or question ANY sexual orientation.
Feeling the need to “hang a label” on how one feels is like trying to put everyone into a “categorical box” that fits “YOUR” definition. “MY” definition may not be quite the same as “YOURS.” Does that mean that one of us is right and one is wrong? Whether I like men and women equally, like men slightly better or like women slightly better is honestly my own personal business, not yours (unless you’re one of the “liked”)….. In this complex world we live in, “METHINKS” we could all focus our attention on trying to solve the “real issues” facing our world rather than pointing fingers at a 19 year old kid who is trying to find himself and his personal identity. Leave Mr. Daley alone and worry about finding your own “personal identity”, after all, that’s what really should interest you more than gossip.
I don’t think he said he is not gay. He didn’t put a label on himself…and maybe the media shouldn’t either. Let him live his life and see where it goes in terms of his sexuality and relationships. HE may be bi, he may be gay…He may be fluid and care about the person more than the genitals. He may go back to dating women; he may not. It sounds like the media is more interested in labeling him than he is
The young man didn’t say he was having sex, just that he was in a relationship with another man.
Did he say he’s not gay? Maybe I missed that. I just heard he said he still fancies girls which can mean a lot of different things..(including not hurting his marketing brand although I think most girls these days still like gay men – even if one of the 1D boys came out)
Although many will probably disagree, there are gay men who don’t have anal sex…I know several. Are they still gay? Is gay defined by putting your penis in someones ass or having a penis inside yours?
You make a good point that there is primal sexual attraction and there is emotional connections. For some gay men even, the emotional connection is the primary drive. Not every gay man wants to go to bathhouses or be promiscuous. We see that more with the desire of gay marriage and even more gay couples adopting children and raising families. I know when I was young, the circle I hung out with was telling me about bathhouses and there weekly sex partners. I could never identify and had no desire to go into a sleazy place and have anonymous sex. Sadly, several of those people who kept telling me I was stupid for not having all this promiscuity ended up dying of AIDS.
Good point. I know someone who identifies as gay, and is actually celibate.
He is Happy !!! Kudos to him.
It is a personal journey and labels are for soup cans. Clearly you can tell that this is something he’s still coming to terms with — and it doesn’t appear that his worries are limited to the what will happen to his career. People do forget that he is still a very young guy and has been a world class athlete which probably meant him focusing on that to the exclusion of everything else. Thankfully he is in a country that is for the most part very accepting — in fact I would venture to say that for most people (except the screaming tabloid newspapers) this is a non-issue. He’s right, he’s still Tom and for those who matter, he will always be Tom.
bi_guy4 I have come to the conclusion a l-o-n-g time ago that it is not for one to judge another for loving the way that they do .
Dewitt I read your post ( more than once ) and I agree with the point that you are making however the headline is not accurate because it implies that he said this morning (12/2 ) although he is dating another man HE IS NOT GAY ! That Dewitt is what is in accurate about your headline Tom did not at any time say or imply that he was not gay ‘ It seems to me that this young man rather it was the bullying at school or death of his father has had to deal with some very painful issue’s and you can see as he speaks that the pain is still very much evident and yet he finds the courage to tell the world that he is dating a man and that he is HAPPY ! I know the old saying in a perfect world his HAPPINESS should be all that matters well the world is not perfect but his HAPPINESS should still be all that matters / Dewitt once again I am not faulting for the point that you are making ( I totally agree ) but rather just the head line !!!
I think it’s beside the point to get caught up in parsing anyone’s words for “the real meaning”, especially when it’s a nineteen year-old who seems to be sincerely trying to share something extremely personal with the entire world. It’s the definition of a difficult and awkward endeavor. As Dewitt points out, a lot of this terrain was covered in the great thread about bisexuality. If you haven’t checked it out you should. I’d also recommend reading the actress Mario Bello’s recent column in The New York Times about her “modern family”, where she discusses her platonic relationship with her son’s father and falling in love with her female best friend. Her son gave an appropriate label to call herself: whatever.
A courageous young man telling it like it is & “walking his truth”…There should be no stigma with his bisexual experimentation here…Glad he so eloquently and matter-of-factly “owned” this topic so it would become a non-issue,,,Bravo, baby! 😉
I had had a lot of guys claim that they would eat me for hours, then stop after like 5 minutes… I’m like, that was a short hour, dude… if you really do eat ass all night long, text me… lol
HAHAHA! I would gladly follow through on that promise if most guys didn’t want to rush into fucking after five minutes of eating ass…
Absolutely not. I am 100% gay, have no sexual interest in women, but I do not engage in anal sex. I love making out, frottage, and oral sex, but I do not enjoy anal penetration as a top or a bottom.
As the guy who wrote the post a few weeks ago about my experience as a bisexual man, watching Tom’s video and reading dewitt’s subsequent post was so refreshing. When people come out, it’s such a big deal, and those people deserve the right to come out as whatever they want, whenever they want, to whomever they want. And, at the risk of sounding overly millennial, labels are problemati. I think it’s really, really brave for someone to be willing to explore their sexuality like that. I think it’s even more brave for that person to be a man, and doubly so for a male athlete. My hat is off to Tom, and I wish him nothing but love and support during this whole thing. Be whoever you want to be, Tom!
He never said he was having gay sex. He said he was in a relationship with a guy. that doesn’t mean it’s a sexual relationship. could be a friendship. Nobody knows but him. Even if he denies his sexuality that’s his business not YOURS and it’s def.. not insulting to any gay man. Your life is yours and his is his own. Deal with it!
Can’t wait for him to join MH.
Where would the poor kid have been able to meet anyone?
Hard enough to meet anyone when you are gay and out, let alone not out and hugely famous!
Well done for him.
Being in the public eye is never easy, nor is exploring your sexuality. So having to do both simultaneously would be immensely difficult. I am glad that he is exploring himself, and whether he ends up saying he’s gay, bisexual, pansexual, or just wanted one experience: I again say well done for him.
Also, I would totally tap that in a heartbeat, if the occasion ever came about 😛
well, since i am not like that, at least not with people I don’t know well first, you should contact me when you are in Ottawa… lol
Tom Daley is no longer a boy but in my opinion has become a man, because it takes a man to discuss his relationship they way that he has. Whether he is gay, bi, straight or just plain curious is no ones business except his. He made this statement to dispel the rumours circulating about him, and to tell people he is happy and content, and feels safe with his choice of partner and that is surely what we all strive for. Now can we let him live his life the way he wants to and get on with his career, and for us to get on with our own lives and not comment or interfere in other peoples lives.
I wonder if that fella is Josh Hutcherson… o wo
Rumor is it’s Dustin Lance Black? I … don’t know how true that is. Honestly, I don’t even know how that would even happen, but alas, that is the rumor I read. I personally don’t care about Tom Daley’s sex life outside of the fact that his sex life doesn’t currently involve me personally, and that is a sin that is completely unforgivable … but also easily rectifiable.
Call me, Tom. Lol.
I’d pay for that fuckumentary