Hot Blooded: Eric And Sookie Have The Sex!

Anyway who says that this season of True Blood hasn’t already trounced last season is more brainless than Sherrif Andy. It’s so good this season! A TRUE Sookie/Eric/Bill triangle! Jason and Jessica? Marnie as Antonia-possessed superbitch? Pam about to kick Tara’s annoying ass? I’m sorry – Tara has the makings of an awesome character, but she’s gone back to Whinetown already. Oh, and don’t even get me started on what an awesome actor Sam Trammell is playing his brother shapeshifted as him. How awesome was that? Anyway, enough of my drooling over the best show on TV – onto the recap!

For the True Blood recap, Follow the JUMP:

SOOKIE/ERIC/BILL – When we last left the terrific trio, Bill was racing over to Sookie’s house to get him some Eric. In a vampire king way. Bill bursts in and takes Eric into custody, and Sookie isn’t the slightest bit sorry that she’s harboring the Swedish beauty king. Cuz’, hey Bill, you totally lied to me about why we got together in the first place. So bite me. Actually, don’t – you’re a vampire. She does try to explain that without his memory, Eric is about as harmful as a mosquito. Unless you’re a fairy godmother. “Sorry.” Bill gets the go-ahead from Nan Flanagan to off Eric for his crimes, so he’s obviously jazzed. While in the pokey Eric gets a rousing pep talk from the equally imprisoned and toxic sludge-faced Pam. It does no good, he feels he should died for all the evil he’s perpetrated. Sookie tells Bill thatif he ever loved her, he will let Bill live. Compton has Eric on his knees, SUBTEXT, and is about to kill Eric with what looks like a really big sex toy. But no, Eric shows up to Sookie AND FUCKS HER! We get Alex Skarsgard buttcheeks and everything! Yay! New favorite couple. It’s funny, though, this is the season when I really started to find Bill interesting and maybe even a little sexy. And “SOOKEH” is on to Eric. You’re the devil, Alan Ball.

Marnie – Marnie is full-on evil righteous witch Antonio as of this episode, and she can control vampires. When one of Bill’s sheriffs (the one who knew Antonio back when she was sizzlin’ on the barbie and taking all the vamps in Adobe Town with her) pays Marnie a visit to kill her, she controls his ass! By the way, the guy playing Luis is TOTALLY the actor who fucked Claire, Claire’s boyfriend Ben Foster, AND Brenda’s moms on Six Feet Under. Is this the first time Alan Ball’s recycled a Six Feet Under actor? Anyway, Marnie is in FULL EFFECT, so you need to watch your ass if you’ve got fangs.

Sam/Tommy – Their storyline became almost as hot as the other main ones, because Tommy is now a “skinwalker.” When you kill another shapeshifter, you gain the ability to shift into other humans. Like your brother. And then you fuck your brother’s girlfriend, and then tell her to fuck off after you come and throw her out. A southern gentleman Tommy-as-Sam is not. But all is not peachy with this new-found power, as Tommy pukes and passes out. Sam finds him in a pool of his own sick (still probably a nicer place to be fall asleep in then back home with Maudette and the underwear guy), and he’s unresponsive.

Lafayette/Jesus/Jesus’ magic grandfather – First off, people are eating goat tongues. Gross. I can barely look at venison. People are also getting all Santeria and magical down in Mexico. Lafayette is possessed by a witch spirit, and Grandpa Warlock lets them know that the vampires ain’t shit compared to Magical Marnie.

Alcide/Debbie Pelt/the stringy-haired werewolf dude who’s kinda bossy – That’s not Alcide, that’s stringy-haired bossy dude. So Debbie Pelt spent about one second looking at her Bible and not drinking V, before she welcomes in Charles Manson werewolf and agrees to go to a wolf pack meeting. Oh, Debbie. Thank you. You are so much more interesting when you’re high as fuck and in your daisy dukes and bandeau top, and trying to kill bitches. Alcide, for some reason, ends up being ok with Deb and decides to accompany her ass to the meeting. Big, hot, and dumb.

Jason/Jessica – ..are the hot new soon-to-be couple in town. You know when someone feeds off your vamp blood, you become incredible boned for them AND they can sense where you are and if you’re in danger? Yeah, well, Jason ate of Jessica so they’re linked now. Not as sexy as when Sam was linked to Bill (remember THAT little scene?) but still…oh this is so hard for me! I love Hoyt! He’s the sweetest! He doesn’t deserve this! Anyway, Jason is terrified he’s going to become a were-panther (doesn’t happen) and Jessica ends up in a deep woods convo with him. By the way, in this episode, the WHOLE TOWN is wandering around these woods. Eff Merlotte’s, that weeping willow near the lake is the place to be.

Tara/her girl – Oh, so Tara’s gal pal comes to Bon Temps to find out what the fuck is going on. There’s some crying and whining, and the episode ends with the two of em’ meeting up with Pam. Pam and her face of doom move in to eat the two of em’. Keep in mind that Tara and whatsherlesbian are skilled cage fighters so they MIGHT have sort of a chance. Just fuck Pam’s good eye up and run. You know what would help Tara out? Vampirism.

Arlene/Terry – The comedic relief’s house burns down, and demon baby Mikey is found sitting outside like he just managed to hide the gas can and matches before you saw him. And there’s a strange woman hanging around. Which will hopefully explain Mikey, the creepy doll, or Arlene’s hair color.