Ugh, this queen. Ok, so uppity Brit bitch Simon Doonan was on Conan O’Brien last week to promote his book – Gay Men Don’t Get Fat. If I didn’t hate his ass before. There’s a chubby gay teen in the boondocks of Minnesota who is going to see that on the stands at a Barnes & Noble and then spend the rest of his life not digesting and hating his big butt and thinking he’s gross and I’m blaming this bitch.
Anyway, he goes on Conan and goes off about “man boobs” and how awful they are and how he’s on a campaign to get rid of them. As an example, he felt up Conan’s sidekick Andy Richter. So not only is he a body fascist and everything you hate about our people, but he takes my future job as Andy’s nipple wrangler. Fuck you, Simon.
From the interview:
“There’s a horrible epidemic of man boobs, and I keep telling — people are clutching their man boobs now, I can see it….There aren’t fetish clubs for people who like man boobs. Man boobs are like hyenas, and mosquitoes, and red ants, and sharks. They don’t need to exist. They’re horrible. So I’m on a one-man campaign to rid the world of man boobs … A lot of straight dudes, they don’t really care, they’re, like, farting and watching TV, they don’t care about their man boobs. We need to make them care and explain to them, these, girls, right, they are unacceptable, am I right?”
My vagina is so very clean right now after reading that. Here’s why he’s the worst:
A) Every animal in nature is there for a reason. So this bitch wants to eradicate whole species. Smart. This is what happens when people start treating elderly department store window dressers as an authority on everything and letting them write “books”.
B) Some guys have moobs. Some guys like guys with moobs. I’ll say this – I like a barrel chest with a hairy handful. Why do we wanna go making the guys with man boobs feel like shit?
C) Way to make all the straight guys sound like gross pigs.
I think Andy Richter is beautiful, and Simon Doonan looks like a crusty lizard with color-blindness. I’m going to take my moobs and go home now.
(You guys know I’m really not that upset about this, right?)
– J. Harvey
To watch, Follow the JUMP: