Shut The Fuck Up, Simon Doonan

Ugh, this queen. Ok, so uppity Brit bitch Simon Doonan was on Conan O’Brien last week to promote his book – Gay Men Don’t Get Fat. If I didn’t hate his ass before. There’s a chubby gay teen in the boondocks of Minnesota who is going to see that on the stands at a Barnes & Noble and then spend the rest of his life not digesting and hating his big butt and thinking he’s gross and I’m blaming this bitch.

Anyway, he goes on Conan and goes off about “man boobs” and how awful they are and how he’s on a campaign to get rid of them. As an example, he felt up Conan’s sidekick Andy Richter. So not only is he a body fascist and everything you hate about our people, but he takes my future job as Andy’s nipple wrangler. Fuck you, Simon.

From the interview:

“There’s a horrible epidemic of man boobs, and I keep telling — people are clutching their man boobs now, I can see it….There aren’t fetish clubs for people who like man boobs. Man boobs are like hyenas, and mosquitoes, and red ants, and sharks. They don’t need to exist. They’re horrible. So I’m on a one-man campaign to rid the world of man boobs … A lot of straight dudes, they don’t really care, they’re, like, farting and watching TV, they don’t care about their man boobs. We need to make them care and explain to them, these, girls, right, they are unacceptable, am I right?”

My vagina is so very clean right now after reading that. Here’s why he’s the worst:

A) Every animal in nature is there for a reason. So this bitch wants to eradicate whole species. Smart. This is what happens when people start treating elderly department store window dressers as an authority on everything and letting them write “books”.

B) Some guys have moobs. Some guys like guys with moobs. I’ll say this – I like a barrel chest with a hairy handful. Why do we wanna go making the guys with man boobs feel like shit?

C) Way to make all the straight guys sound like gross pigs.

I think Andy Richter is beautiful, and Simon Doonan looks like a crusty lizard with color-blindness. I’m going to take my moobs and go home now.

(You guys know I’m really not that upset about this, right?)

– J. Harvey

To watch, Follow the JUMP:

44 thoughts on “Shut The Fuck Up, Simon Doonan

  1. I don’t understand why anyone even listens to him or considers him an authority on anything.  He dresses like a smacked ass, yet he’s considered an authority on fashion.  Now he’s trying to dictate physical appearance.  I suggest that before he start pontificating on what men should look like, he strip down and pose nude so that we may see the “perfection” of his physique, to which we all must aspire. 

  2. And it’s prissy fools like this that keep gay men closeted into their thirties. I don’t disagree that it’s necessary to stay healthy and that  obesity is an epidemic. But to focus on a particular area of the body because of vanity, and to make people feel ashamed  is not a good approach. 

  3. I am a 47 y/o bear/dad type and, yes, I have moobs. I am comforrtable with myself and I have no issues with men who like me (from twinks to other bears). All Simon is doing is perpetuating the stereotype that all gay men only care about body image and not what’s on the inside. Shame on you, Simon. There is more than what’s on the outside; what is on the inside is what makes a relationship work.

  4. ‘A lot of straight dudes, they don’t really care, they’re, like, farting and watching TV’He’s insulting my personal life and accusing me of being straight.I’m personally offended.

  5. Man boobs are like hyenas, and mosquitoes, and red ants, and sharks. They don’t need to exist.
    Well someone has no idea how nature fucking works please shut up before you say something worse.

  6. Is this what is acceptable now in NYC fashion circles? Gay circles.
    I am aghast that someone can say such things with a straight face on National TV.
    Is gay hell – hot pink?

  7. I’ve had a crush on Andy Richter for years. Never heard of this Simon Doonan before but he’s obviously, as Kurt Cobain would say, a waste of a sperm and an egg.

  8.  You guys – Eliot Glazerthebrutallyhotguyfrom”ItGetsBetterish”commentednmypostandagreedwithme!

  9. This guy didn’t say anything that isn’t broadly true or which isn’t based in truth.
    Men in general — and gay men most of all — are very driven by visual cues.  It should not surprise anyone that people like him have these views.  This is what every gay man thinks and how they behave in the general case, even if they say they don’t.  This is the culture.  And don’t try to say that it isn’t.
    Being mad at the basic nature of our species is ok if that’s what makes you feel better … but don’t expect anything to change.  You can’t expect men to not be visually cued or biased.
    This is the way things are; the way they have been; and the way our species will continue to be.  It just is the way things are … even if it sounds brutish or unkind.  It’s our species.

  10. You are right about visual cues, but each man gay or straight has “likes or preferences” that defy what ever others say the norm is.

  11. He is a disgusting queen…gay men like him is what gives us a bad reputation….His book won’t sell!!

  12. I watched this episode of Conan. I just kept getting more an more disgusted with him and finally turned the channel. It is gay guys like him that are giving upstanding and professional gay men a bad name. He himself is portraying the stereotypical “GAY” we all have been trying to overcome for the many years past. If he considers himself a Professional he has ALOT to learn about comunication techniques, manners, and understanding that diversity in people is a good thing. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and all posess diferent skills and abilities. A seminar on diversity may be of assistance to his extremely rude, dehumanizing, and outright uncalled for outlook on the human race.

  13. Where he’s wrong most explicitly is when he says there  aren’t fetishes for man-boobs.  There are.  There very clearly are.  However, he isn’t beyond the pale for making fun of them, that happens regularly in society, he’s just being incredibly snarky about it.  What is shameful is that, it isn’t witty or clever or fun what he’s doing, he isn’t coming across tongue and cheek, just offensive.

  14.  GUYS, I repeat, have you SEEN some of my posts?

    Did you even bother to click the “man boobs” link in the post above? I

    I don’t mean to be so abrasive, but it’s frustrating when people accuse us of not doing something we do REGULARLY. It’s a well-documented fact that I have a particular affinity for chubby dudes…

    But don’t call me a “chaser”. I’m an embracer.

  15.  People choose to see what they want to see.  I’m constantly impressed by your ability to find great erotica with men of all shapes and sizes, and often times your selections turn me off even if they’re outside my “type,” heh.

    And I think you know I’m a fan of the big boys, and yes, I think you’ve done a great job of representing them in equal numbers as the “usual” porn studs.

  16. The problem isn’t that he has different tastes, it’s that he’s saying his tastes should dictate OTHER’S tastes.

    “Man boobs are like hyenas, and mosquitoes, and red ants, and sharks.
    They don’t need to exist. They’re horrible. So I’m on a one-man
    campaign to rid the world of man boobs…”

    That is some intolerant, ignorant bullshit.

  17. Isn’t he supposed to be a fashion icon?  He looks like David Lynch’s uncle got lost in Nordstrom.

  18. If I were actually good at baking, I would bake you a cake, Anne Noise. I continue to love you forever and ever. 

  19. Im obese, but dont really have Moobs. Im not offended by SD’s comments on CO’B, as most queens think like him – even the ugly, fat, old, bald queens often want young and slim.
    Why such hypocrisy on this blog?       

  20.  I have seen these posts Dewitt, & most of them have people bitching because you posted it in the first place, damned if you do & damned if you don’t.

  21. I was hot.
    My thyroid died.
    I got fat.

    Honestly, there’s nothing I can do about it. I take mt medication, I work out, and I diet relentlessly.

    I’m still fat.

    I used to be beautiful. Warning to all you shallow sobs…you never know what life has in store, just wait until everyone is judging you the way you are judging them.


  23. Um, where does the line start? You’re a handsome fellow, and I’m kind of in love with your beard.

  24. Carson on How to Look Good Naked.  THAT’S the gay guy who should be dispensing body-image advice to America. 

    As someone who had a pretty severe eating disorder in high school, and worked incredibly hard to keep his weight under 100lbs until I was 21 (and was traumatized the first time it went over that), and has had an incredibly hard struggle not only to start eating like a normal human being, and even great trouble as my body has morphed and shifted during my 40s (including embryonic man-boobs), while still finding myself attracted to thin, fit, modelesque, twenty-somethings, this kind of talk–as well as the kind of gay personality it (mis)represents–repulses me.

  25. i am sure simon is only echoing what a lot of gay guys are thinking (hello, gym bunnies and muscle marys) but don’t know how to express in words… let’s face it, the majority of gay men are into all things beautiful.  gay-god forbid someone with some fat, or too thin, or too hairy, or whatever…

  26. Calm down, honey child! He’s talking about my posts about big dudes, not THIS particular post. 🙂

  27. While the majority of gay men do tend to think and behave like this asshat, I have to say….I agree with the dude that says he needs to get naked so we can see what we’re supposed to look like according to his shallow opinion. Bitch please….he didn’t just fall out of the ugly tree he got gangbanged by the whole damn forest. How dare Mr. Shitdick presume to tell the world what is and isn’t attractive? For the record, I find it attractive when people don’t judge based entirely on someones looks. It’s called personality, and this guy clearly has a shitty one.

  28.  Well, this bitch loves both of you! But yes, like Dewitt says I was mentioning his posts about big dudes not this particular post. Now be calm & share the love 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.