This sexy librarian may be so hung that he’s nearly coming out of his pants, but this post is about a different kind of coming out. You may have heard that today is National Coming Out Day, and we thought this would be a perfect opportunity to share your individual stories.
What’s that you say? You’re not out of the closet at this current moment in time? Well, that’s cool too! Everyone has to do this at their own pace, so feel free to chime in with your feelings about what’s stopping you, whether you want to come out and whatever else your little heart desires.
– Dewitt
I recently got into my first ever relationship with a guy. Before then i was only hooking up and having sex, no connection at all. Although I do remain in the closet with my family and friends, I’ve met a few people in his family and i feel so comfortable around them. Maybe I will come out to my family and friends one day.
I changed my orientation on myspace, then went on vacation with my parents. When I returned my little sister came up to me and said, “Is it true?” I pretended not to know what she was talking about, so she pulled up my page and pointed to it. “Oh, that? Yeah.”
And like that I was out.
I’m out with my friends and coworkers. But my family has some deep homophobia issues. They put pressure on me to get married all the time. I’m 29 and have never brought home a girlfriend (honestly, how did they not figure this out haha), thus, they try to set me up with women. Which I’m not really down for. Oh well, maybe one day I’ll get fed up with their bullshit and come out, what will be, will be.
I’ve yet to come out to the mainstream, so far it’s only been to a certain element of my friends, namely the ones I know don’t have a problem with it. Most of my male friends, however, are quite homophobic and Idk how they will take it. Currently waiting until after I finish school to even consider telling my parents, and that threshold is only 2 months away.
Like ‘Just Sold!’ above, I just got out of my first relationship with a guy and I met his entire family and all his friends in just a couple months. To be honest, I fell in love with the family perhaps even more than I did with him. They were so amazing and I can only dream that mine would be as natural about having a gay son/grandson/brother/etc.
Ha! This is too coincidental, I just came out to my friend the other day, which was my first time coming out to anyone.
She was a girl I had a crush on for a really long time, but we never really pursued each other (I’m kinda bi).
Well, I told her, and it turned out she’s gay too! haha.
I was raised in a pretty religious (thought not hardcore so) family. My parents had suspected growing up that I was gay, but it wasn’t until my mom asked me flat out one day about 8 years ago after she saw in the computer history of sites visited that I’d been on a gay chat site. I was reading the sports page (seriously), and she asked me if I was gay. I told her yes, and we had a very calm discussion and that was that. She of course told my dad, who has a harder time with it.
Over time, all my 4 siblings have found out, and it’s never really been much of an issue. Though we don’t really talk about it, it’s not a taboo subject, it just never comes up, just like the subject of their sexuality never comes up (they’re all straight). They all love me and have never treated me any differently. I freely admit, I’m a very lucky man.
When I came out to my mom at 22, she came out to me. She was divorced and my reaction was, essentially, “oh…so Lois is more than just a good friend of yours?”
interesting topic…44 yrs old. Divorced 3 years ago, came out to one of my best friends about a year and a half ago. On the way home from a baseball game. Took him a little while to soak it in, but he was fine. Then the rest of my friends following, they were all a lot more supportive than I thought. My family doesn’t know yet, (so i think, mothers really do know everything). It is like a whole new look on life and what is out there to be enjoyed. I feel bad for the teenages that are bullied and hurt for being themselves.
I came out to my family and friends when I was 19. Everyone was extremely supportive (and not at all surprised), and I’m very grateful for that. Telling my family and those first few friends/my best friends was difficult but eventually, if I ran into someone who I either hadn’t told, or I know they didn’t hear, I would just blurt it out to get it out of the way. Within about 6 months, everyone who was already a constant in my life knew, and to all the new people I met, I was upfront and honest from the beginning. I’m very lucky it was so painless, and that I work in an industry where it’s not only accepted, it’s expected.
Up until recently my life has been one of living up to family expectations and fulfilling traditional male-roles (husband, father, provider, etc.) Although I have been married twice (and have two daughters) I have always known the ‘straight man” was not who I was. (Maybe that explains the failed marriages.)
I’ve been attracted to men since I was a teenager and have hid deep in the closet. I’ve satisfied the gay man sex drive raging inside me through online hookups while traveling on business. About a year ago I met a guy online and he has helped me to be comfortable with my sexuality and helped open the door a little. In June I finally took my first step and came out to two longtime friends who are also gay. Saying those two words “I’m Gay!” — and both of their reactions to the news — was liberating.
My parents recently passed away and I believe that has also empowered me to begin my journey. I always believed finding out about my true sexuality would have been difficult for them. I’m not sure how fast, or in what order, I will come out to other friends and my family. In the meantime, I’ll take it one day at a time. Having just one foot out of the closet has relieved so much stress and has given me some inner peace.
Oh and i don’t know why I even forgot about this. But I told my best friend from my childhood. I may have been the early teens. and the only reason i told him was because I was crushing on him too.
After I told him he was really cool with it. LOL… i even asked him if i can see his dick. and he actually showed it to me briefly! But the next day he came over and we hung out all day just as we normally did. I haven’t talked to him in years, but i’m so grateful that he didn’t treat me any differently after i told him…. even when i did hit on him we remained good friends!
Ive recently come out at age 35 as bi, i’m mostly into men but have attractions to some women too. Deep down I’ve known I was bi since around age 10, but it wasn’t until I was 19 that I first experimented with guys.
To cut a long story short, I thought I was gay for about a year after first experimenting. Had lots of fun with guys in this time and stayed mostly closeted, but then fell for a girl and assumed I must be straight after all. The relationship didn’t last long, partly because I was still a bit mixed up. Somehow in this process, I manged to bury my feelings for men for another 14 years and dated/had sex with a few girls in that time but not very many. Something was always missing.
Then, after a very stressful time in my life I just woke up one day and knew. I’d been doing a lot of meditation and clearing my mind, and somehow I stumbled across the answer. At this point I had to be truthful and come out to myself, and shortly after hooked up with a guy online. Had a few more meetings since and gained some very good friends and had some great sex. Stayed in the closet for nearly 18 months while I became more comfortable, and finally came out to my brother just over a month ago.
His reaction was great, He’s open minded and doesn’t mind at all. Since then a few friends know and I’m mostly out in my immediate circle of friends, although I haven’t really announced it as such. If the subject somehow comes up in conversation or people need to know I just tell them. It’s the best thing I’ve done for years, and I feel like I’ve changed as a person – far more relaxed in all areas of life, more outgoing, happier and more myself!
I didn’t realise there would be so many guys who came out when they where 30+!
Some of the stories here are really nice to read, it’s so nice to see people being true to themselfes and having their fare share of true happiness 🙂 x
I was 13 and my mother found gay porn on the computer.
My father didn’t find out until I was 18, when he went into my room and found a picture of my then-boyfriend as my desktop on my laptop. (Which, too, was loaded up with gay porn. Shhh.)
In High School, I was in an advanced placement literature class that, my Junior year, had us write a piece emulating something we’d read that year, discussing something of our own.
I wrote it following the style in which Faulkner portrayed his character Quentin in ‘the Sound and the Fury’. When we turned in our portfolios, we were expected to read something from it. My life had been hell growing up – my mother was uber christian, and as a result I was raised with a mentality that I was ‘sick’ or ‘broken’, that something was wrong with me.
I had intended to read something else for the ‘public’ portion, because I still felt very put-off regarding my sexuality. When I’d looked through my portfolio (we’d turned them in a week before), there were sticky-notes all over it from my teacher, who’d clearly ranged through a broad collection of emotions over it. It was very… Freeing, sharing not only my sexuality, but the extreme pain that came with it.
So, feeling empowered by her reaction and responses that were sad and full of love, I read that aloud. Ir was very freeing, despite the fact I (and half the class) were crying by the end of it.
But I never regretted it – I received more love and support from everyone at school than I ever did from my immediate family. To the day it’s still a taboo topic among my mother’s family, but ever since I’ve found my friends to be the only real support system I’ve ever needed. 🙂
I came out at 19 after a year of being away at college, everyone thought it was a “phase” and was pretty upset, but I think once they realized that being gay didn’t change the way I act, they came around. I’m sure they expected for me to start strutting around in a rainbow shirt or dressing and acting feminine, but that’s not who I am. It was the topic of conversation for about a year, but now it doesn’t matter… It’s actually brought me closer to my cowboy boot wearing, whiskey drinking father, and I’d have it no other way!
I’m with you on that front Ev. My friends all know I’m gay. My family on the other hand are extremely homophobic. Like to an intense level. The onlye one in my family who knows is my Little Sister. I came out to her and she told me that it was obvious to her, but she grew up in a different generation. In her school there were several out gay kids and many were her friends, so she had the developed Gaydar. She has always been supportive and loves me for me, and she even agreed that I should wait for a while to tell anyone else in the family. I have a T-Shirt that says. “If you met my family, you’ld understand.” lol!
I was 21 when I started messing around with guys, 26 when I decided that it had turned into a full-time thing. Came out to my fairly conservative family one by one over the next year without too much craziness, but one of the proudest moments of my life was when my little brother came out to me two years later. He told me that if I hadn’t done it first, he probably never would have figured it out for himself.
Dammit. It’s already almost midnight here. I’m going to have to celebrate the holiday late. It’s time. I’m coming out. Tomorrow. =)
I have not come out yet either, and I don’t know if I plan to. I don’t think I am gay, maybe bi but I know there is an attraction with men. I guess I still have a lot to figure out. It is kind of encouraging and relaxing to see as many posts as there are about guys who haven’t come out and if they plan to.
Only my closest friends know that I’m gay. I told most of them around the time I turned 15. My family on the other hand are horribly homophobic, my cousin came out to the family 5 years ago and most of them practically disowned her then and there. I was almost ready to tell my family until this fat bitch of a “friend” told everyone behind my back at school and I got abused on a daily basis for it even though I denied it. I’m 18 now and even though I’ve got those great friends I can trust my life with I’ll always remember how I was treated at school and what happened to my cousin.
Me “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.”
Mom “We kind of figured.”
Dad “Doesn’t mean you can get out of making grandchildren.”
Me “I kind of figured.”
Hey there you MH Daily guys!!! i write here cuz i would love if you could make some kinda gay guide to nyc, i mean bars, spas, restaurants… well… i know you are not only in the nyc. but ill travel there on dec, and its pretty hard to find good palces to go out… so… i know you are the best on this! ccstony on MH
Guess I’m in the closet. Not like I’m hiding it, though. If someone asked me, I’d gladly tell them. Think I wrote one of my English I papers on being gay and the professor ended up reading it (and a few other essays) to the class.
I don’t see why people wear their sexuality on their sleeves. It’s just a part of you: not the entire being.
I’m bi, came out second semester of senior year in high school. First one I came out to was my girlfriend. Her reaction:
“Well, that’s weird. You’re not going to break up with me, are you?”
“oh hell no, but I was thinking of inviting Todd to a threesome” (Todd, close friend of mine and hers, who both of us found very cute)
“No! Don’t! That’d be so embarrasing!”
Anyways, came out to the rest of my friends one by one, starting with Todd (he declined the threesome option), and by the time I entered college, I was comfortable with who being out.
My friends know, my family knows, my rugby team knows, they’re all cool with it.
Rob, that is a valid point but breeders wear there sexuality on their sleeves every time they talk about their significant others and children. You should be free to be you just like them. But I respect your opinion.
wow…so i came out to my friends in high school and everyone was well “dur” kinda. So it made it easier. People always knew. I came out as BI because it my head it was easier than saying that i was gay. Even saytihng that my friends were all like “whatever ur gay”. I had a couple boyfriends before the family found out. I had someone over and while we were making out one of my parents walked in and it was like whoa. So yea there was not hiding it. My mother knew for a long time and she told the rest of my fam, but no one seemed to care too much. My dad doesn’t really wanna talk about it, but thats good because i dont’ want to tell him. I think i had a pretty good cming out because my friends and family were more accepting than i though they would have been.
I came out last semester to all my friends in college. They’re all very supportive and I enjoy every minute I can be myself around them (meaning all the time). One very good friend even remarks whenever anyone publicly asks me if i’m gay, “Do you have eyes?!” So to them it’s very obvious.
But my ultra-conservative, hardcore-Christian family is far from supportive. They had found my dabblings throughout adolescence and had put me into counseling for it, which at this moment just pisses me off. So I’ve gone through the de-gay-ing and it doesn’t work! Go figure. But this summer, while I was living away from home, I put my status on facebook for all the world to see. My parents still won’t let me live with them, but they want me to come to see them, so at least they haven’t disowned me. But I’m not allowed to live with them and I’m required to go to church, which really sucks, because they’re stuffing their religion down my throat, which only pushes me further away from them. I’m working on complete independence from them and it will more than likely come once I’m completely finished with college. But I can deal with it for now. It sucks, but I’m going to suggest my parents watch the movie Prayers for Bobby just to see what their activity is doing to me. It’s a great movie, but it’s so very sad too.
I told my parents a week ago tomorrow that I’m gay. I did it in probably the worst way possible, though: via a facebbok message. I was just too terrified to tell them face-to-face, and a phone call was almost as bad in my mind.
They didn’t take it well at first, but I went home to visit them this weekend (my college is 8 hours from home), and they seemed to be toying with the idea that I was in fact still the same person I had always been.
They did say, however, that they would never accept the fact I’m gay. They don’t want to know if I have a boyfriend/husband and they don’t want to meet any kids I may or may not adopt. And my dad did say he’d hire a prostitute for me to try to turn me straight. I declined theoffer.
All in all, the experience was pretty traumatic, and my parents don’t seem to be willing to change their views anytime soon, but they are still allowing me to visit home and they haven’t disowned me. It’s not the best situation in the world, but I can’t help but feel that it will improve with time.
I fooled around with guys after my grade 11 year after that summer my parents found out through my computer history looking at gay porn and such they accept me but they dont accept me to meet guys online and i understand thats why i first meet them in public now. But u know how hard it is to meet gay guys in a small town? and another thing just my close family knew my mom stepdad and his sister non of his cousins know who im close to (but im pretty sure they already know) my cousins asked me one day on facebook and i told them the truth these cousins r on my real dads side so now im just going to play the game of if they ask Iwill tell if they dont why would they need to know? also I told one person in my church group that i trust that felt really good to tell her but my faith is important to me but i will not put a label on myself my religion nor my sexuality does not make me who I am just a part of me and thats where i find where people can get lost in this crazy life Im almost 20 now so ive been at peace with myself for about two years now thanks to family and my friend who came out to me in our grade ten year if he didnt do that i probably wouldnt have figured it out for myself wear purple on oct 20th! no one should die over thier sexuality!
Well, I was heavily into church, and both my parents are pastors.
I came out in three phases really School Friends, Church Friends, Family.
It’s not quite as clear-cut as that, of course.
I tried to pray the gay away from 14 to 17. I fixated on a couple of girls to make myself straight (and I had damn good taste in women too, ironically).
Before I came out to real friends I came out to a staunch Catholic I’d been chatting with online figuring that if I could hold my own there I could hold my own with anyone.
At 17, my last year of high school, I came out to some of my school-friends via chat… they were by and large quite supportive. Later I came out to other friends at our leavers’ dinner – also quite supportive.
I was due to move away in March of the following year, and came out to my (older – 30-40) church friends. Support was significantly less visible in this group. I got a visit from one of the church eldership (I was very pleased at this point that I went to a different church than my parents) who said that it “wasn’t unnatural” but that it was “not of nature” and accused me of being scared of women – I laughed in his face and asked him if he’d seen my circle of friends!
After I moved out of home I came out to mum and dad, (I’d come out to mum’s sister and her husband prior) and they were not exactly unsupportive, but they did ask about it being a phase etc. They got over that eventually, My father presided over my commitment ceremony.
After moving, I eventually came out to a whole new church group. They told me I was going to hell and asked me to stop taking communion. I asked what would happen if I refused to stop taking communion. they told me that they’d ask me to leave. I explained that I was concerned that not accepting communion would start unwelcome gossip about me among the congregation, they told me that no-one would be watching me in the holy moment. But of course they’d know if I didn’t take communion… no hypocrisy there…
Needless to say, I left, joined our local Uniting church who actually offered my partner and I the church to use for our commitment ceremony.
Now, I’m quite open about it, I don’t rub it in people’s faces, but I have no issue talking about my partner and don’t make a point of using gender-ambiguous terms for my husband. I really haven’t run into any issues thus far. I figure that if people have a problem with my being gay, it’s exactly that – their problem.
wow thanks for sharing that dylan!
When I turned 30 I decided to tell my parents so I visited them in NYC. I asked an old high school friend (who was also in the closet at that time) to come with me to provide morale support.
Over lunch I just mentioned in passing, practically under my breath, that I was gay. My Dad said, “Ah ok. Could you please pass the rice?”
I was stunned and disappointed. I was expecting tears and recriminations. Instead, my parents were so nonchalant about the whole thing. My Mom explained afterwards that they loved me and were very proud of me regardless of my sexual orientation.
This encouraged my friend to come out to his parents as well.
These stories are wonderful. Living your life honestly, authentically and open is the only way to go. I came out at 20 after I was away from family and firmly on my own (just in case). Like most, it was really ugly and then once the waves settled, life has been perfect. No hiding, no shame. We are all beautiful and perfect like we are, we just have to love ourselves enough to be honest about what that is and share it with the world. Come out, come out, wherever you are!
when i was 16 this guy i met that sold me a pair of shoes, snuck me into a club in DC. He asked me to dance…he asked me ”how long you been gay?”…i said…”how long we been dancin’?”
I came to the conclusion I was gay about age 15, and just a couple months ago (I’m now 23) came out to a close friend of mine. I knew she would have no problem with it. She loves working with theatre, and has quite a few gay/bi friends. Still, though, it was one of the most terrifying yet exhilarating moments of my life and I felt so relieved to finally tell someone. Around her I feel like I have nothing to hide or hold back.
I’ve entertained the thought of telling some of my other friends, but I think I’m going to wait until we are not living in the same apartment! 2 or 3 of them would definitely have a big problem with it.
My parents are very religious (my father is a pastor), and though they are very loving and supportive of me and my studies, I’m terrified of what may happen especially right now, as I’m still in college and very much dependent on them.
It’s not necessarily a situation that keeps me up at night, but then again it’s not something that I never think about.
Hope that wasn’t too much of a ramble! haha
One day I was at the computer and my brother asked me if I was gay, I said yes. I came out with my friends when we were in the locker rooms and I looked distractly to a team-mate’s bulge, then they discovered the truth. My classmates found that when we went to see the “New moon” movie and I couldn’t stop talking about the werewolves’ meat.
All of them are quite proud I’ve came out with them and they are happy with that, but I find difficult to say that to my parents because of their education.
i don’t know what to think about coming out.
i’ll put it to you in this way: i wish for the time when there won’t be a need for a “holiday” for this kind of thing.
to me, the most basic ‘societal distinction’ in sexuality, right now, is straight and not straight — not straight and gay.
currently, one can face an adverse reaction if it can be demonstrated that one fancies one’s same gender.
(i am not aware of many heterosexuals’ mitigating their level of disapproval for those who identify as bi-sexual.)
but, i think, any deviation from the Heterosexual Norm wouldn’t especially be embraced, by those who are inclined to phobic behaviour/reactions.
I’m 21 and I started coming out to friends two summers ago. Started with one by one telling a them (one of whom I had a crush on and told him that, good god that was nerve wracking) and then I came out to a gay professor who has been beyond supportive and helpful. After I came out to him I told several more friends and no one has had a problem with it. Not even the very heterosexual guys in my dorm.
I came out to Mom last winter and wasn’t as welcoming. She said she was okay with it but she doesn’t want to talk about it and doesn’t like my “choice”. We did both agreed to keep this secret from Dad. I’d like to tell her that I met someone and that I’m happier than I’ve been in a LONG time. Oh well if she doesn’t want to be apart of my life what can I do but try and be happy?