Random Question: Do You Believe In Monogamy?

monogamy, gay relationships, no strings attached, couples, play together, life partners, cheating, puritanical concepts, men's issues, sexual, romantic, functional

Can gay men (or any men for that matter) successfully practice monogamy? I've argued with plenty of folks on this matter, and they suggested that the concept of having one partner is "puritanical". From their point of view, it's natural for men to cheat, so why set yourself up for disappointment? They also debated that love and sex are two separate things, and you can devote yourself to someone romantically while still having no-strings-attached fun on the side. 

Now I'm not implying that this model could work for some people. If you're in a perfectly functional open relationship, more power to you! But for someone to imply that monogamy won't work for me just because it doesn't work for them? I'm not buying it. How about you?

– Dewitt

13 thoughts on “Random Question: Do You Believe In Monogamy?

  1. This question reminds me of “The Last Kiss” with Zach Braff. I won’t spoil the movie for anyone, but no, I don’t think men were born to cheat.

  2. i think it’s quite prejudice and untrue to say that men were [born to cheat] that’s like saying that all men are is a walking penis and are uncapable of any higher levels of thought…
    you have to define what [cheating] means… because for some couples, getting/giving a quick blowjob at a rest stop isn’t cheating and for others it would be grounds for an immediate break up…
    personally i believe that people have the ability to be monogamous. just keep your body up, have an open line of communication with your partner, try fun and interesting stuff, have weekly dates, etc. you just have to invest in your relationship….

  3. I am a very firm believer that we can be monogomous. I have been single the last 6+ yrs because I refuse to be with anyone that doesnt want to just be with me.

  4. Put me in the camp that thinks men are pigs, and we love to be swimming in pork gravy. My first long-term relationship, we tried to be monogamous, he cheated, I cheated in retaliation, we broke up. Second (and current) long term relationship, hubby and I talked about it in the begining, and decided that strict monogamy wasn’t realistic and made the relationship quasi-open. Somehow, that openness made cheating less appealing, and neither of us do. We’ve occasionally picked up someone for a three-way, or gone to sex parties, but the freedom to do something seems to make it less desirable. I guess it’s kind of like reverse psychology.
    Hubby can flirt all he likes, and even sleep with another man, and vice-versa, but we always come home to each other.

  5. That’s like saying gay men aren’t capable of real love. If you truly love someone cheating doesn’t even come into play.

  6. I think when 2 People r truely n love straight or gay they will over come all of the urges ( 2 cheat ) True honest love ( when u can find it ) is a worthy investment that requires 100% dedication & determination 2 make it work .I 4 1 am not ready 4 monogomous relationship but I wish all the best 2 those who r………

  7. Golden rule: it isn’t cheating when the guy is hot. If a dude is in a relationship and has sex with someone other than his boyfriend and the guy is ugly then thats cheating, if the guy is hot its not.
    Thats my philosophy anyway.

  8. Guys apparently have a genetic predisposition to sleeping around, yes. That doesn’t mean that we’re doomed to cheat. Most of us have the capacity to resist the urges, especially if we love our partner enough.
    Of course, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with an open relationship, either, if that’s what works best for a couple. Personally, I could get behind Alex’s philosophy, if my partner felt the same way. Honesty and respect are the real keys to a strong relationship, monogamous or not.

  9. We tend to believe what makes us feel best about ourselves. Guy who don’t *want* to be monogamous justify their choice by arguing that’s not possible, not “natural,” or not realistic. Stop kidding yourselves when the real issue is that you don’t want to do something that’s really difficult and sometimes painful. Surprise: choosing to love is difficult and sometimes painful.

  10. Men (gay or straight) cheat because they are board, dissatifies with thier partner (looks or performance) or because they are trying to determine thier own “hot” value (self-esteem). It has NOTHING to do with love, it has EVERYTHING to do with having excitment in your life

  11. furfiend: “Guys apparently have a genetic predisposition to sleeping around”? Speak for yourself.
    Monogamy depends on the person. So does cheating, or playing around, or open relationships, or whatever. Not everyone is able, or willing, to do all of them – or any of them, for that matter. I have never and would never cheat on a partner. I find the idea of open relationships disturbing. And yet, my ex-boyfriend felt the opposite. It totally depends on the person and the couple in question.

  12. I have yet to come down on either side of the fence, but I find it very interesting that the majority of responses here seem to be monogamy minded, while the vast majority of successful gay relationships that I know of personally are open. And happy, at that.

  13. I know couples who are in open relationships, and that works for them. They’re in love only with each other, they’re happy, there are no jealousy issues, and things work fine because they communicate about what is and isn’t “okay”.
    Personally, I prefer monogamy. I was raised by my parents that way, and not by preaching it to me, but by example. They recently celebrated 40 years together and are still happy and very much in love. I don’t think I would choose an open relationship simply because inviting another person into the bedroom, the relationship, etc means there’s another person’s feelings to consider, even if it’s only for hooking up, and there’s the potential there for more unwelcome baggage.
    Bottom line, as long as communication is open and honest, monogamy and open relationships are both viable options, but both are not viable for all people.

  14. some guys need to wake up and smell the coffee. monogamy is not for everyone the same as open relationships are not for all of us. those who defend monogamy have an ideal of a relationship, but many of them are the first ones to cheat on their boyfriends and there’s also the issue of insecurities. sorry, but to those who bitch about guys being open with their partners, there will always be someone better, bigger, nicer out there to take your man away from you. the trick is for you to realize what you have and make sure your other half sees that in you. if there’s communication, respect and understanding, a lot of good things can happen and if you don’t have those qualities, just keep waiting for Prince Charming, princess.

  15. As a relatively young gay male (26)…I will definitely say that in my younger years 18-22 (college) I was always thinking that gay relationships can just be like my parents relationships..healthy and monogamous. As I started to meet more and more gay men and posed the same question in this post to them, I’ve realized most gay men are cope outs….based that they think monogamy will work if they find the right guy. And in trying to find that right guy when they see a GREAT guy they will stop dating them after 1 or 2 things they dislike, their dick size, their weight, etc.
    The problem with gays and the world monogamy is that 99% of gay men are always looking for the next best thing. Gay men are stereotypically known to have OCD, be perfectionist and always wanting the best things in life….and their potential partners are part of that stereotype. Gay men are looking for the next best thing.
    So I’ve come to realize that I probably won’t find a monogamous relationship.
    I know I can be monogamous based on the fact that I couldn’t hurt someone I loved, to cheat or have sex with another guy.
    I hate when guys say SEX and LOVE are separate. S
    BTW This is prob the greatest Random Question on Manhunt Daily EVER.

  16. I agree with you. Most gay men are whores and make excuses for why they can’t keep it in their pants.
    I am not trying to put anyone down, I have been in working open relationships, but I prefer to be monogamous.

  17. i was a polygamist once. (as probably mentioned before on these boards…)
    didn’t work out long…
    not because of the polygamy…
    that wasn’t bad…
    it’s just that it’s so hard to find 1 good bf let alone two… >.>
    PS: yes, actually, guys do have a genetic disposition to sleeping around… girls too.
    monogamy is something thats only very popular due to religion thinking of it so virtuously.
    in all honesty, i would prefer a monogamous relationship.
    but i’ve pretty much accepted i’m not gonna get a bf any time soon 😛

  18. I used to be in an ‘open’ relationship, the rule was I could only sleep with someone else if my partner was in on it. I am now in a monogamous relationship for the past eight years and loving every minute of it, my current partner is no model, but he loves me which is all that matters.

  19. You know, just because men may WANT to cheat, doesn’t mean that they SHOULD. I mean, no matter who you marry, man or woman, the excitement of the first flirt and first fuck is gone. But, hell, I’d like to eat everything in sight, punch in the face all the stupid people I see every day, and skip work whenever I feel like it. But that doesn’t mean I should. Monogamy has a lot of wonderful, wonderful benefits, but you have to work through the tricky parts if you want to enjoy the good.
    Oh – and I can’t TELL you how many gay marriages I’ve known that were open. And I’ve yet to see a single one work out. It’s a cop-out.

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