Miley Cyrus Is An Adult Now. Okay?

Here’s the music video for Miley Cyrus’ new single “We Can’t Stop”. It’s Miley Cyrus rolling around, throwing absurdist hipster sex at us because she’s an adult now, and it’s done with a quirky VICE Magazine/Polaroid visual aesthetic, and that makes it edgy in a Williamsburg, Brooklyn kind of way. What’s to make of this brand new version of everyone’s favorite partier in the USA? Well, she’s a goddamned adult, and she can do whatever she wants. What she wants is to keep going, because she “can’t stop”.

Miley is going through what Zac Efron went through a few years ago when he was trying to shed the Disney mantle and be an adult – around when his timeless offering 17 Again premiered. After that, he had such remarkable hits as Charlie St. Cloud and a spot on Robot Chicken; all of which have been burned into our collective memory, where they will remain for eternity.

America is a difficult, unforgiving, fickle place to be a cultural icon. One minute you’re straddling the tallest peak of success as a sparkly, all-singing, all-dancing teen with eyes and hair, and the next you’re still beautiful but no one cares about you, because they can’t think of you as an adult. So, then you basically fall into an abyss and become a producer. Zac is working now, sure, but boy, has he been knocked down a rung or eight.

So, what can we do to help Miley avoid this obvious trajectory? Rather than do “terrible” contrived music videos or make silly films that insistently demand we think of her as an adult, Miley should simply do a dark, conceptual play opposite Isabelle Huppert. Something about crippling loneliness and self loathing among closeted lesbian nurses, set in London during the Blitz. Look what Equus did for Daniel Radcliffe, and he’s not even such a great actor! Isabelle Huppert is the cleanser, Miley. She will help you. Just stop doing terrible, obvious things in LA and go call Isabelle Huppert.

Charley Flynn.

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6 thoughts on “Miley Cyrus Is An Adult Now. Okay?

  1. Eh, I’ve never liked her. I don’t think she has a good voice, in fact her voice is like nails on a chalk board to me, and any acting she does, there are others I can think of that could do it better. I just wish she would leave and go to the island of misfit teen idols & never haunt my ears or darken,my eyes ever again.

  2. I find NOTHING absolutely NOTHING about this woman to be attractive although I thought she was funny as Jake girlfriend on 2 and 1/2 men …..

  3. OMFG, what a shit awful song! Auto-tuned to the point that it sounds like an alien from another planet is attempting to sing in English!

  4. is it wrong i actually prefer her now……she looks better before she seemed rather well boring lol…..songs very rihanna esk to me

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