I Got 99 Problems, But Being Bi Ain’t One (Except It Sort of Is)

A few days ago, I attended a benefit fundraiser for a regional LGBT center. The keynote speaker was a well-spoken, polished, poised young woman who identified as a pansexual. When she mentioned her sexual identity, the crowd of several hundred began to smile and murmur a bit, and it was obvious that even within this crowd of progressive rich folks, the term “pansexual” was not immediately understood.

Although many people did not understand the specifics of this girl’s life, her bravery and courage to be herself was something that seemed to be unanimously understood, as evidenced by the rapturous applause and the standing ovation that she deservedly received. There was a gentleman behind me, who must have been at least 75 years old, who beamed and said “This is the future!” with great pride.

Throughout the evening, many letters of the LGBTQ acronym were represented. We heard stories from people who have been, for decades, fighting for acceptance, inclusion, and equality for themselves and/or for their friends. The entire evening was like an aerobics video – we would stand, we would clap, we would toast the air, and deservedly so; the people being honored were true pioneers who have done invaluable work for the community. And I have absolutely no interest in diminishing or minimizing that great work.

It would seem, though, that one letter from the LGBTQ alphabet soup is often misunderstood and misrepresented, and more often completely overlooked – not just at this one, isolated event, but in our greater society.

Bisexual Pride

I am a happily out bisexual man, but in my experience, you might as well call our community LGTQ, because to most people (both straight and queer) bisexuality is fake. Or, at best, bisexuality is a means to an end – you come out as bisexual to ease the transition for your friends and family, and then you just end up liking the same sex.

Nobody ever talked about bisexuality when I was growing up. It was assumed that you were straight unless you were proven guilty, and there was absolutely no discussion about anything existing in that vague in-between. There were no bisexual men to be seen. Ever. Anywhere. It was as if it never existed.

Women were allowed to be on the spectrum, even if it was temporary and spurred on by alcohol – they were just having fun! They were just exploring! Plus, it’s okay, since two women going to town on each other is a fantasy for so many straight men. But a bisexual guy who puts his mouth on another cock? The spectrum might as well have not existed. You are suddenly among the gayest men who have ever lived.

Samuel O'Toole

Growing up, I was a triple-sport athlete in high school and had my pick of women. I hooked up with many of them, quite happily and satisfyingly, wherever I could – at parties, in the boiler room after basketball practice. And while my friends, teammates, and family never questioned my straightness, I did.

I knew that I wasn’t like most of my male peers, because I also had crushes on some of them. I never acted on them, but they persisted. After college, I decided to explore my non-heterosexual interests, and although they were almost exclusively hookups, they were still fulfilling in a new, interesting and fun way. My most recent relationship was an 18-month relationship with a woman, with whom I was very much in authentic love.

Now, I’m single, and happily receptive to whatever life has to offer me. I had been on Manhunt before I was in my last relationship, and now, I am on it again. I cannot possibly count the number of times I’ve been sent nasty, accusatory, oddly confrontational or judgmental messages – from perfect strangers, of course – denouncing my bisexual identity.

I’ve had a handful of guys say things like “You’re really hot, and I’d love to play. Call me when you’re gay.” On one level, this is hurtful, but above all, this response is amazingly telling of the perception of bisexuality and the stigma that continues to exist.

bored womanbored womanbored woman

Just last week, Mackey Friedman from the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health released findings from a study about the perception of bisexuality in America. The study showed that straight men are three times more likely to delegitimize bisexuality, and respondents who identified as gay or lesbian showed only slightly more positive reactions to bisexuality.

The study concluded that “even within the sexual minority community, bisexuals face profound stigma… and male bisexuals likely suffer more stigma than female bisexuals.” The effects of this stigma are pretty obvious, and might sound familiar to LGTQ people – “when a bisexual person perceives that his or her sexual orientation is not recognized by peers, it can cause the person to feel socially isolated and unable to talk openly with friends, family and school mates.”

So, here’s my point, to those of you who identify as gay, lesbian or anything else outside of the heterosexual sphere: we are a part of your community. The isolation that you experienced when you felt like you couldn’t come out is the same isolation that many LGTQ people enforce on us. When you felt misunderstood by your friends and family, the people who were supposed to care for you and support you, it is the same misunderstanding that you impose on many bisexual people.


The LGBTQ community has experienced the pain and the hurt that comes with not only a lack of understanding, but a complete lack of interest in understanding. Therefore, it is doubly hurtful when that same pain and hurt comes not just from the outside world, but from within our community. And it really needs to stop.

I don’t intend to point my bisexual fingers at every living gay person and accuse them of being close-minded. Without question, there definitely have been people who have been supportive, even if they don’t understand.

But from my perspective, the greater LGBTQ community has so many large fish to fry right now (umm, do you even know what’s happening in Russia right now?), and if we continue to marginalize a particular group within our group, we can never be unified, and we will never see true progress.




53 thoughts on “I Got 99 Problems, But Being Bi Ain’t One (Except It Sort of Is)

  1. Has MH become a bi/pussy site? whats with the Brazzer ad banner.. I don’t belong and pay monthly fee to look at gash? Come on MH.. ? have you no integrity to your customers? get the pussy off MH. thank you.Cody Cummings has a site for that shit.

  2. PS: my daughter is pansexual and I am totally cool with that… it is the future.. I just don’t want to see women on a gay hook up site.. just sayin…thanks.

  3. Wow. You have a daughter and refer to women’s bodies with terms like “gash” and are so powerfully phobic about them that you can’t even stand to have an ad circle by or a click through to an image of an erect penis as part of another story? That’s just great. (And, by the way, you don’t pay for *this* site.)

    Or, perhaps, another way of saying this: Thank you Manhunt Daily and Bryan for remembering that queer sexuality should entail a certain kind of political consciousness that thinks about exclusion, silencing, oppression and the violence of social norms. And, as much as we’re grateful for the cultural progress that allows us to find all kinds of erotic outlets at our fingertips, we remember that there’s still so much work to be done to end an enormous range of problems related to gender, race, sexuality, class, nationality, etc., etc., etc.

  4. Manhunt isn’t a directly “gay” hookup site. It’s a site for men to find men. Last I checked, bi men are into men as well, therefore stuff that we like can be on here as well. Not to mention that if you don’t like it, you don’t have to look at the post. You’re just proving the author’s point.

  5. if there are genetic predispositions to sexual orientation it makes sense that there would be people in the middle – left, and right of center. The truth is many gay people do not NOT believe their are bisexuals – it’s just hard to tell the real ones from the ones using bisexuality as a social acceptability foot in the door. You know the one’s – the guy who brings the GF to the office, but has the BF on the down low. Lets face it – most gay men went through the ‘i’m bisexual’ phase on the way to full acceptance of their homosexuality. So – from ‘personal’ experience we assume others are doing the same.

  6. It was important for me to get my story out there – thanks for taking the time to read it, and thanks for the kind response.

  7. Hello Equalove,

    First of all, let me say how thrilled I am that you support your daughter and her understanding of her own sexuality. I hope that she knows that.

    As the person who wrote this blog post and sent it off to Dewitt, I can say that it’s not my interest to see Manhunt, or Manhunt Daily, turned into a “pussy” site. I think that, as a blog that caters to men interested in men (albeit perhaps more than just that), it makes sense for this blog to predominantly feature men. I am not asking for any difference in what Manhunt offers.

    What I am asking for, though, is that people understand that bisexuality is a real thing. I think it’s worth pointing out that messages like “you’re hot, too bad you’re not gay” are strange, marginalizing, and unhelpful. Hopefully you can see the difference between that approach as opposed to me petitioning for more pussy on Manhunt Daily.

    I can’t stress enough how happy I am that you’re supportive of your daughter. Hopefully you are as supportive of your fellow LGBTQ community members, namely (in this scenario), the B’s.

  8. ??? If you are referring to the above photo for this blog post (WHICH IS HOT!) you don’t pay for that- you are on Manhuntdaily.com not manhunt.net; completely separate. You pay for the services offered at manhunt.net. And I have never seen any “gash” there. I wish they would diversify some of their studio promotions to include bisexual content since that is an interest of mine.

  9. Talldoggy,

    Hello. I like tall dogs.

    I’m the guy who wrote this blog post, and I totally hear what you’re saying. I also know of many gay men who initially come out as bisexual, because it is, in fact, an easy way to transition. I also agree that sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish between the real ones and the fake ones. That being said, I think it’s important to remember that other people have both the luxury and the responsibility of identifying themselves, and it’s not up to us to decide who is doing it authentically or not. I think people have every right to be skeptical of people in any scenario, but I don’t think that really allows other people to disregard that entire group. I don’t think you’re suggesting that, of course, but I do think that it’s a good thing just to remember. Thanks for your comment!

  10. As the author of this blog post (hey everyone!), I’m going to do what I can to try and participate in the discussion by responding to your comments and answering questions you have for me. Also, I want to praise Dewitt for posting this for me and for including a photo of Samuel O’Toole, with whom I am very, very much in love/lust/something.

    Anyway, I don’t claim to be an expert on anything related to sexuality. I try not to speak for other people, and certainly try not to speak on behalf of an entire group. I am just interested in sharing my personal experience with you all. If you have questions, or comments, I’m all ears.

  11. I couldn’t be happier that Dewitt chose to use that photo of Mr. O’Toole. He’s the greatest.

    I am the person who wrote this blog post! Thanks for your nice words. I am not a boss of anyone or anything yet, but who knows! Maybe that will change when I make this blog half dicks and half pussy!

    Just kidding, of course. 🙂

  12. I think there would be a lot more bisexuals if people didn’t feel like they had to categorize their sexuality into a box. And equalove, shame on you for referring to women’s bodies as “gashes”. A “gash” is what brought you your lovely daughter.

  13. I never leave comments this blog because well, my hands are busy while I’m here. But I wanted to leave a comment and thank you for such a post. It’s really amazing that people within the community can try to disprove someone else’s identity simply because it doesn’t fit what their standards are. I mean, if they do that, wouldn’t that make them the same a straight person simply saying that gay people can become straight?

    I don’t consider myself bisexual because I’ve never had any sexual relationships with women but I’ve fell in love with a girl before and although the though of a pussy makes me cringe, I wanted to be with her in the biblical sense because I loved her.

    I think that people need to be more open on how they view the world and they view others. There’s still along way to go on many issues and progress is being made but in order to do so, we need to talk about it. Thank you for creating a way to talk about it in this community.

  14. Would anyone know what site that top pic is from or who the actor is? I’d like to watch that scene, or at least one with him in it. Thanks.

  15. I think its great article but the subject debated raises the question, is there room for a ‘
    Panhunt’ site. As a pansexual / bi or whatever you want to call it, I think there is increasing need for a dedicated site. I personally cannot choose one or the other sex because I need both men and women in my life, as clearly many others do too. Well done Bryan!

  16. BREAKING NEWS !!! We all have pass through a PUSSY at some point in time so why don’t you GIVE IT A REST !!!

  17. Mulenga,

    Although it wasn’t my intention to really compare pansexuality and bisexuality, or to really advocate for such a thing as “Panhunt”, I absolutely see your point. I do think that for many people, the choice of either a man or a woman has been decided for them. They grow up knowing which they are attracted to, and that is completely fine. I mean, obviously.

    I think for those of us who can’t choose, it’s difficult to Come Out because people don’t really understand bisexuality. I would imagine that this would be a similarity between bisexuality and pansexuality, which I imagine is much, much more difficult for the everyday person to comprehend or understand.

    Thanks for the kind words, and thanks for reading my insanely long post!

  18. My unique perspective, not being any sort of authority in psychology/sexuality and being very, very bad at being a homosexual, is not that any gay person truly disbelieves in bisexuality, but is simply responding to the possible rejection. We have all been rejected by someone who didn’t like us. Everyone. However, gay men and gay women have had much more experience with this in a more fundamental way. We are the sexual minority. We have had more rejection based on our junk and revulsion than probably any other group. I am in no way suggesting that bisexuals have not. Simply that bisexuals have always had the sexual majority waiting in the wings. Us gays have not. While I don’t mean to make it sound like bisexuals have had it “easier”, perhaps that is a perception among us gays. Just like you said in your post, you were banging girls all through high school and enjoying it. Most of us were not. Most of us were jacking off with some shame and fear in the background. So when a bisexual hits on us, after being liberated from that fear and shame (though still remembering it) and living openly, the thought of inviting that rejection back into our lives is a bit too much to risk. Not that bisexuals don’t like my junk, but will they ever happily and willingly be able to give up the other kind? And do I ever really want to take that chance, on this very fundamental level that I know so well, ever again? I am certainly not saying any of this is right, just giving you my perspective on it. I am absolutely delighted this post was written and published, and hope the we, as a community, can talk and learn about one another.

  19. So, what is the huge problem with the “unreal” bisexuals? If you’re in a relationship with someone who has a girlfriend and is seeing you on the side, and that’s unacceptable to you, then you end the relationship. Folks who sleep exclusively with one gender have, on occasion, been known to engage in behavior that is hurtful to their partners. To be suspicious of anyone who identifies as bisexual because some bisexual engage in certain actions is exactly the same thing as folks who think that anyone who identifies as gay must be a complete and utter manwhore who only gets off on the kinkiest shit possible–it is to generalize from the behavior of some people in the group to all of the people in the group. It’s called prejudice, and gay men should understand what it means to be the target of it. Gay men, straight women, lesbians, bisexual men and women, trans* folk, asexuals, pansexuals–each person represents a very specific kind of erotic subjectivity and practice . . . to assume that we can even group people, meaningfully, under the labels is quite problematic. (As is the notion of a “real” sexuality, whatever that might mean.)

  20. I think it is always interesting how the people are always “labeling” what a person’s sexuality is. It is very true that many men in the gay community think someone who calls themselves a bisexual is “just not comfortable with being gay and can’t be true to himself”. The reality is that no one has any control over who they find sexually attracted to. I had been primarily seeing men for a while, but a few years ago I got involved with man and a woman, who were a couple, and we were in a menage a trois for 8 months. I wasn’t looking for it, but it was the one of the most genuine experiences of my life and if they both didn’t move away, i would probably still be with them. And last year, I unexpectedly hooked up with my old high school girlfriend. What does that make me? I don’t know and don’t care what others try to define me, but I know that sexually I am attracted to both sexes but I don’t “crave dick” or “crave pussy” as it has always been about the attraction and interest of the other person. I have never ended one relationship just to be with someone of the opposite sex, but I have always kept my options open so that if I do meet the right one, they will be the only one I want to be with. So yeah, that makes me different from a lot of people.

  21. I loved this post. I feel the same way. I’ve never felt fully accepted on either side of the spectrum. Although I’d have to say my straight friends were slightly more supportive. I can’t tell you how many gay friends and/or hookups have said, “there is no way I could ever get it up for a girl.” I think that attitude translates into this “you need to pick a side damnit” mentality.

    Thank you for this.

  22. The only thing I have noticed about Bisexual men now a days is they seem to be more into each other than an OUT man.
    I have seen many profiles on different sites where they are looking for guys who are also into Women.

    All I can figure is they want to share some kind of connection with the guy they meet or be able to talk about the same things. Am I right on this thought?

    But we out and openly Gay guys do get stereo typed by a lot of Bisexuals as well. That we have to be flirtatious in public or touchy feely or have to let others know. Or not manly enough to be into cars, like myself, or work on them. Just seems to be a lot of miss information and communication on ALL sides of the track.

    While I did at one point of my life did have sex with women I never thought I was Bisexual I just did it to hide who I really wanted to be with. But I realize one way or the other no one is the same in thoughts and feelings. I just wish people were mature enough to separate sex from lust and or Love and understand the differences as well as recognize them.

  23. I am bisexual. I’ve had short term relationships with both men and women in my college years and throughout my 20s, my longest relationship of nearly 5 years is with a man, and while I still know that I’m bisexual, I tend to just identify as gay because arguing my sexual identity tends to piss me off.

    It also is an identity status that all people I’ve dated or been involved with have been predominantly uncomfortable with.
    I think that one of the elements that makes bisexuality problematic for people is the expectation for lasting monogamy projected onto intimate relationships. The recent push and attention for Marriage Equality has galvanized this sentiment in the gay community and advocating for the bisexual appears to be out of step with that political arm of the issues of LGBTQ advocacy.
    An unfortunate side effect of the march toward equality seems to be one that makes Bisexuality inherently liminal and transitory in many people’s minds, at least that’s been my experience discussing it. To people I’ve debated this with, it seems to boil down to; in order to continually maintain active engagement with an attraction to both genders, one has to remain uncommitted to either, otherwise they fall into being considered either Gay or Straight.
    This is of course unsatisfactory to me and most other people I’ve met who also consider themselves bisexual. Serial monogamy being the way in which the majority of human beings enact intimate relationships should allow people to understand that one relationship may not be indicative of the next.
    Also, the experience of many gay men seems to work against the bisexual as many men have lived through adhering to a straight lifestyle and after much struggle came to accept that they are actually more comfortable identifying as Gay. This tends to cause a strong level of disbelief over those that identify as Bisexual as it goes against the direct experience that many Gay men have lived.

    For me, and the optimal expression of my sexual identity I’d be polyamorous within a mixed gender group. Polyamory is another facet that tends to be met with skepticism and outrage by members of both the Gay and Straight community. However, for the last 4.5 years I’ve been very happily occupied with my predominantly monogamous but open to the same sex relationship, and very much in-love with my same sex partner.

    In short though, everyone should respect the way an individual identifies themselves. (apologies for the essay)

  24. In the late 1970s I worked for the capital city of Tasmania,opposite a cranky old bloke who one day told me about his wife attending the national conference of the Australian National Council of Women in the Town Hall,upstairs.There was a highly contentious issue being debated and the several hundred women could not agree,a 50/50 split.The women argued loudly,uproar ensued and after several minutes the President of the NCW stood up on the stage and said “ladies,while we women are split up the middle like this the men will always be on top”.In that more polite era there were many muffled laughs.

  25. Bisexuality gets a negative rap from both the straight and gay communities. By and large many folks (on both sides) see those who idenitify as being bisexual as:

    1) Non committal

    2) Confused

    3) In Denial

    Granted, there are those who do use bisexuality because they fall into at least one of the above categories, however most people who think of themselves as bi do have a genuine attraction for both sexes.

    There is still a prevailing attitude that for women, being bisexual is something this is chic and more readily accepted (look no further than straight porn which continues to peddle this double standard to this day). For men, it’s a much tougher line to walk.

    Societies thinking is slowly changing and I have do doubt that over time the pre-occupation with one’s sexual preference will not draw the same kind of attention it does today. Hell even being gay is not as shocking as it was say fifty years ago.

    Ultimately to each their own. Just be true to who you really are. Gay, straight, bi or pansexual.

  26. Wait. Why is a bisexual not “out”? A bisexual can be out *AS* bisexual. As the author of this article (and many of the comments here) demonstrate so clearly, to be out as bisexual is to risk the scorn of both straight and gay cultures. And there are certainly plenty of “I only do the deed with men” closet cases on hookup sites.Ke

  27. I see profiles all the time that say “If you show your face your not on the Down Low and too out in the open for me” Or similar to that effect.

    These profiles clearly say they are Bisexual but not willing to show their face nor interested in anyone who does. I do not understand what the big deal is they are clearly on a site for Gay and Bi men, MANHUNT, ADAM4ADAM, Squirt and others yet worried about others knowing who they are.
    They want to mess around with and meet guys yet make a ton of restrictions.
    We are not looking to mess up their personal or private lives just meet them for some fun and companionship and yet expect us to bend over backwards to meet their demands and cater to their paranoia.
    Or how about the ones that want to top an ass or get their dick sucked yet refuse to suck your dick or eat an ass first or even kiss.
    Sorry so many of these profiles are out there if you just look and pay attention to them.
    I am not attacking Bisexuals I want to understand what is going on behind these guys thoughts and though you could help with it instead of being defensive.

  28. You completely missed the point of this article. The seething hate we bisexuals get from all sides is so much worse when it’s from within what’s supposed to be our own community. Some men like men, some men like women, some men like trans, some men like all. Get the fuck over it since it has not one tiny thing to do with you.

  29. As a bisexual/pansexual man, I just wanted to thank not only the author, but the commentors as well (even the bigots, because they show we still have a long way to go). My fiancée and I had a similar discussion just last night about my sexuality. He seems to not like that I’m into a person not a gender. He said it gives him insecurity issues when I talk about women. I try to understand his POV, but just can’t sometimes. I am who I am, I’m attracted to who I’m attracted to.

    For the life of me, I can’t fathom why sexuality is anyone’s business (so long as all parties are consenting and mature enough to understand the act & emotions). I’ve had long term relationships w/men & women and it’s always a struggle to be told to make up my mind, or that I’m being greedy, or I’m just scared to admit I’m gay.

    I am a bisexual man, and I have nothing to be ashamed of, nor scared of. Accept me, because you have no say in it.

  30. it’s okay to be bi-sexual

    but i think bi-sexuals should be in committed relationships only with other bi-sexuals, precisely because they have an attraction to the female and male genders

    am i wrong?

    am i wrong for believing there’s an expectation that, when true love is foundered, both parties may, rightfully, entertain a reasonable expectation for this Love to endure, between the two of them, until the end of time?

    maybe this is a case of a certain, successful minority, not being vocal enough in sharing how they “do it”

  31. I find it interesting that people are attacking “equallove” for the word “gash” when he never said it, “cockConqueror” said it to equallove!!!!

  32. Love your blog as a gay man it does open my mind more to how you are feeling and dealing with the hate that I have experienced and it hurts me to see my community is so close minded to others. Shame on them. Not all gay men feel you need to make a decision, it just makes some gay men uncomfortable to think they not only have to compete with other men but also with women. I guess they are insecure. Have a great time and pls. play safe, as we all should.

  33. Kudos to Bryan for the post and starting this important conversation. I’m a gay man who’s been with a lot of bi guys and I’ve had to defend the existence of bisexuals to both straights and gays. I can only imagine what it must be like for you bi guys. A few of the comments point to a couple of core issues in the gay community: fear and insecurity. I’ve experienced both of these over the years and, fortunately, learned to overcome them.

    One poster mentioned the idea of “competing” with women. It may sound silly to some, but it’s very real, especially when you’re young. You’re insecurity gets the best of you and gay men, already filled with insecurity from an unwelcoming world and an often hyper-competitive community, react badly — especially since it raises the question of “how do I compete with HER? Especially when he can live in the mainstream world with her and MAY not do so with me.” What I learned, of course, when you’re dealing with a mature guy, who’s secure in his own sexuality, is that like anyone else in a relationship, it IS about YOU the person.

    The second lesson was learning that the above-mentioned statement really is true. If you’re an insecure person, you’ll be just as fearful of losing your partner to that GUY, as to that GIRL. Just because there may be a larger pool from which your partner might choose, doesn’t have anything to do with the strength of your relationship — unless you let it. As a gold star gay, it was hard to wrap my head around someone having such a broad range of attractions. But just because I wasn’t wired that way, didn’t mean that I couldn’t try to understand that he was. It was just one other important aspect of a partner that you get to know. In fact, it became somewhat of a fascination — and in a couple of occasions, part of our sex lives. They’d tell me, in detail, about their hook-ups with women and then we’d have great sex. It’s why I like straight porn. When I’m really into a guy, I like to see him doing what really gets him off — no matter the body parts involved. (Even though I’m not turned on by women, I’ve never understood the revulsion some gay guys espouse at seeing a pussy. Thou doth protest too much.)

    The bottom line is that true bisexuals exist. It’s just a fact. But, as the Kinsey scale shows us, sexuality is fluid and we probably don’t have the adequate labels to cover all the nuances. I’ve been with bisexual men who prefer emotional relationships with one gender over the other, but sex with both genders. Sometimes bisexuals will say they “prefer not to have a label”. That’s often society at work. No matter, we should support and embrace all sexual minorities. There’s also resistance to supporting our trans brothers and sisters because some of us are afraid to be lumped in with them or because we “can’t relate”. We’re all in the same boat and we’ve all experienced some level of isolation and bigotry — sadly, sometimes, at one and others hands. If we can’t count on each other, who can we count on?

  34. My experience of bisexual guys hasn’t very positive to be honest. Most have had wives or girlfriends and basically are just looking to hookup with guys. The ones that have had more meaningful connections have tended to drop them at the slightest difficulty. The also tend to throw you under the bus to appear straight when it suits them.

  35. Completely agree – which is why I started with the statement that sexual orientation if genetic – likely knows many grey area’s. I was just pointing out some empathy for those who deny bisexuality as they likely have numerous proof points by experience which they rely on to justify their thinking.

  36. I wasn’t saying to distrust all bisexuals. I was providing color and explanation as to why many might distrust a persons claim of bisexuality. Given that most experienced the use of the term as a waystation on the road to being out.

  37. Although you began your post by saying that it’s ok to be bi, it seems like you go on to put bi individuals into the same type of metaphorical box that L, G, and T have been trying to eradicate.

    Consider this restatement with variables:

    “It’s ok to be X, but I think X should be in committed relationships only with other X, precisely because they Y.” (X refers to a people group, and Y refers to a defining characteristic of X)

    Now consider the following with the variables replaced:

    “It’s ok to be an old person, but I think old people should be in committed relationships only with other old people, precisely because they have lived longer.”

    “It’s ok to be black, but I think black people should be in committed relationships only with other black people, precisely because they have a naturally darker skin color.”

    “It’s ok to be a woman, but I think women should be in committed relationships only with other women, precisely because they have a vagina.” (Granted this last one may not be fully encompassing for trans individuals, but you get the idea.)

    Further, it seems like you are trying to limit the potential for love and expressions of love simply because of the assumption that individuals who are attracted to both sexes are incapable of being (or at least unlikely to be) monogamous. When you are in a committed relationship, do you always – or even usually – act out on your attractions to people that are not your partner? On the assumption that you answer “no”, how is it really any different?

  38. I do not think it is right to tell or force anyone to make up their mind on such a personal level like that but then again I have never been involved emotionally with someone who is Bisexual either.

    But I do understand the desire to fool around sexually beyond a single partner so I do not see the difference there.

    I just have a problem understanding some Bisexuals phobia about meeting and have sex with people who identify as gay.

  39. I certainly don’t have any such reservations. My fiancee is pure gay. Most men I’ve been with were gay. But then, all the women I was with were bi… hmmm

  40. See I run into a ton of profiles that Bi Men post that seem to hate anyone who is not into pussy as well and feel we are not down low enough to meet if we post a face picture.

    Plus many seem to like to get their dick sucked and fuck an ass but get them to eat and play with your ass and cock other than that or even kiss can be an issue at times.

    So it kind of turns off the idea of meeting most Bisexuals in general.

  41. It sucks that you seemed to meet only the jerks :- I’m so sexually free it’s ridiculous. Kissing,rimming, oral, loves it

  42. I have only met one in person while he did love to eat ass and fucked like a champ over and over again he never once wanted to touch my cock and hated the idea of any cum touching him.

    Needless to say one time was enough for me. The rest of the profiles I see or comment on never seem to be interested.

    I am a Masculine type of guy but being out seems to be an issue all too often in most Bisexual men’s eyes as far as New England area is concerned.

  43. i didn’t say there was anything wrong with polyamory
    (although, seeing as it’s already hard enough to love one person, it’s probably 2,673-times harder to get three people to love and commit to each other)


    that’s my preliminary answer, until i have more time to think about your reply to me, chris

  44. I’m not sure how many people are brushing bisexuals off as much as the fact that many people are uncomfortable with the idea. A gay man does not want to hear about the women you’ve been with the same way a straight woman wouldn’t want to hear about your boys. This is the most likely reason a bisexual male would be turned down. Like it or not sex and gender perspectives are pervasive. A bisexual girl can probably get away telling a male straight or bi about the girls she has messed with, but I don’t a lesbian wants to hear about it.

    I think a lot of gays specifically get offended with the notion of bisexuality because it seems like an excuse for a man to sleep with other men, but then run back to women for a relationship. The notion is reminiscent to “gay 4 pay” which everyone knows is bullshit. I’m a psychology major and to be totally honest I believe the vast majority of humans are bisexual. People don’t realize that bisexuality has so many different levels. It’s gay and straight that are set in stone. A gay man is never doing a woman and a straight man is never doing a man. Same for women.

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