Forgiveness doesn’t come easy to some people, and that’s especially true when it comes to the topic of infidelity. I’ve known folks who will end a romance at the mere hint of their partner cheating, while others will stand by their man (or woman) to explore reparative options like therapy, threesomes, open relationships or the classic “don’t ever do this again” promise.
The new Naked Sword original series “Cheaters” explores things from the other side, and after watching Donnie Dean and Vance Crawford‘s secret fling, I figured this would be a good time to open up a conversation about love and betrayals of trust. What would you do if you were dating a guy, and you found out he was fucking around behind your back? What if you walked in and caught him in the act? Let’s chat about it! You’re welcome to share personal anecdotes or dwell on the hypothetical.
– Dewitt
Photo credit: Naked Sword
Watch Donnie Dean and Vance Crawford in a related clip, then discuss this topic below:
Watch the first part of “Cheaters” now on NAKED SWORD.
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I don’t think having an experience outside the relationship is as much of a dealbreaker to gay men as it is to straight people. It’s probably an indication that something isn’t right in the relationship but it doesn’t mean the relationship should end. Sometimes it can even bring about discussion and understanding. A former boyfriend and I were cheating on each other. We were both young and inexperienced with sex and relationships. We decided to be non-monogamous but the relationship ultimately ended for other reasons besides sex.
I think it depends on too many factors just to say yes or no to a general question. how long were we together. was it one time or a long time affair. too many factors.
The relationship would be done and the cheater would be reminded that trash day is Monday and he should have his stuff out by then.
Been there and done that. When I found out we did counseling and tried some other thing. It came to an end when I found out it had been multiple partners. I couldn’t see it ever ending and that type of relationship wasn’t for me.
First, I’d bottom for Vance any day or night of the week. And any future significant other must realize that this is in the contract! 😉 (Something about him is so Jerry O’Connell.) I think that, in 5 or 10 years, he’ll be a great looking man as opposed to the current good looking boy.
Anyway, yeah, i’d stay with someone who cheated on me – unless I was looking to get out of the relationship already. He’d have to understand that by staying together it starts a whole NEW relationship, though.
Been there….
I don’t see Jerry O’Connell as much as I do Chace Crawford, which probably explains where his porn name came from!
I think just being gay is a risk…risk of discovery in the wrong circle, risk of criticism and rejection, risk of infidelity because after all men have a roving eye and are more physically oriented and motivated, and of course risk of disease of worst kind from unknown or less familiar partners.
We are all seeking fulfillment in one way or another, and especially in bed.
I agree with the guy just before me (Redboy70) — it’s time to examine the relationship and see if it can be salvaged or has enough to continue to fulfill one another in one way or another.
If not, then in all honesty, it is time to cut one another lose.
I had an ex who cheated on me ( we were engaged). I found out it was multiple times with different people and ended. He begged, cried, gave me a sob story about how it was his first time being in love with another man and he freaked out. I fell for it and took him back only to be cheated on again. Even after he thought he lost me and I gave him another chance, he cheated again. So I guess it’s true when they say “once a cheat, always a cheat.”
You cheat your gone. open relationships are a pathetic disgrace. if I have a man I love him no one else. want his penis only.
fellas are hot but when it comes to cheating had 3 cheating bfs who are now Xs left em didnt stick around
My bf and I have been together for 11 years and it’s been open since the second year. It’s extremely hot to me that he fucks other guys. Knowing that makes me want him more. Also, he likes to “give” me to other guys telling me to let them fuck me, and this is a huge turnon for me. This is definitely one area where people just differ… many guys I know longterm relationships are open, and I know some (although not as many) who are completely monogamous. To each his own. If my bf and I were monogamous it would strip away a very fun, engaging part of our sex lives. We’ve never felt that being open makes us less close – we’re deeply committed to each other, travel together, see friends together, see each other’s families together. This is deeply personal I don’t understand why some people want to make relationships one size fits all. Fortunately those people can’t dictate how I live, nor would I want to dictate how they live.
how sad. glad it isn’t me. your choice sure but no thanks my man is mine no one elses. as is his arse penis etc etc. fuck that shit, when ur single ok sure play around not when with a partner.
Men are like Lions, They will Hump anything that comes along,, I say they are two differant things, Love and Sex,,
It’s not sad just because it’s not the way you choose to live. Fortunately we can choose what boundaries work for us and seek partners who share those feelings. My parents are still together after 41 years and I know this wouldn’t be right for them. And it’s not right for you. But it definitely is for me and my bf and we love each other. It’s not like we’re out pursuing other guys most of the time. Most of the time we’re working, eating together, going out together, working on our country house together. We have a great 1on1 emotional and sexual relationship. But when someone additional comes onto the scene it’s exciting for both of us. To say one kind of relationship is the only right way is like saying everyone should like the same music or art or books.
Interesting comparison, but not all men are as you describe & I am
more realistic in making distinctions. Not ‘all men’ or all relationships
are so easily pegged…..
As to Love & Sex – it is definitively different, but the subject is cheating
in a relationship AND both things are impacted when it is between two
people in love. Communication of boundaries and limits seems to be
the key in any relationship (gay, straight, et al). Honesty is not such a
difficult concept for people, if they’d consider themselves and their own
priorities plus the feelings of others.
I was with my first boyfriend for 11 years. Neither of us cheated, but had a threesome once! The relationship had become more of a friendship, with no sex. I decided it was time to end it. My next boyfriend was much younger than I and ended up emotionally cheating three times, which were forgiven. Finally, he was caught kissing another man at a club and I was forced to leave him. Three years…down the drain. I do not cheat! I communicate and discuss options and possibilities, but NO LIES! It isn’t that hard…I’ve never cheated. I would feel too guilty!
“how sad.”
Wherever would we be without the Mother Superiors of this world?
Why is it sad that everyone doesn’t think like you? I don’t think it’s sad that everyone doesn’t think like me.
Shouldn’t we point out that there’s a difference between being cheated on and consenting to an open relationship or a group experience? If the agreement is that the two of you are going to be monogamous, it’s not “hot and fun” when the guy steps out. Big difference.
I agree. my bf and I are open, therefore being with somebody else isn’t cheating as long as we follow our rules. but god help either one of us if we don’t follow those rules, that would be cheating. it would hurt me so badly if I found out my bf had been with somebody else without following our rules. i’m sure he would feel the same if I did it. but as long as we both follow the rules, its not only ok, but it also somehow seems to bring us ever closer both sexually and emotionally.
I almost broke up with my boyfriend after he told me he had kissed someone else once during the 3 week period between the time we first kissed and the time when we officially became a couple. Technicallt it wasn’t “cheating” because our relationship still wasn’t official, but it still hurt me deeply, and I can’t get over it after 2 years of being together. So it is clear to me that if he ever cheated “for real,” that would be the end of the relationship. No trust, no relationship…
There are too many factors to consider to say one way or the other. For me though it would be the lying and to what extent. I think every relationship should make allowances for “slippage”. Any one who automatically says they would dump the boyfriend is not living in real world.
Cheating must imply that one is in a monogamous relationship or one has broken the rules of an open relationship.
Personally once someone cheats the relationship is over. Not only has the person broken all trust in the relationship but they have also put your emotional and physical health at risk.
If someone lets cheating off then it is a sign of insecurity or codependency. HIV, HepC and other disease exist. we all get horny but it doesn’t legitmise cheating
What was the agreement in the 3-week period between when you first kissed and you became a couple? If you’re still upset two years later about your bf kissing someone else in this period, that’s mindblowing to me. Before you decide you’re a couple, you’re not a couple! Unless you had some agreement during the 3-week period. Did you and what was it? Or was it assumed on your part?
Someone lays out his personal shit to add to the discussion, and says clearly that he’s happy; immediately replying,”how sad”, seems kinda judgy. What did it add, other than to make you feel superior?
I have seen so many relationships fall apart over infidelity with horrible consequences and others that have their own standards. One friend got engaged and he and his partner decided to be monogamous and not use condoms. Seven months into the engagement, my friend gets tested and discovers not only does he have HIV but herpes as well. His partner was cheating the entire relationship and he is still in therapy trying to deal with the pain. Another friend decided to try the open relationship thing, but they both broke the rules they set up for each other and the relationship ended. And on the flip side, my closest friend has been with his partner for 6 years. His partner is allowed a “pass” once a month to engage in the kinkier, BDSM sex that he wants no part of as long as he’s playing safely. They have an understanding that works for their relationship although personally couldn’t do it,
No, I wouldn’t. Part of being an adult is being honest and respectful of the person or people you share your life with. If you don’t want to be exclusive, then don’t be in an exclusive relationship. Don’t cheat and then say “I’m a man, I can’t help myself.” That’s bullshit.
It was a VERY juatified assumption on my part. I blame myself partly for not making things 100% clear since day one… but I mostly blame him….
I can’t believe you’re still thinking about this 2 years after you’ve been together. It’s completely irrelevant. You weren’t a couple yet. Makes me wonder what life & professional & travel & educational experience you’ve had because it simply doesn’t compute for me that anyone would find this troublesome or even worth remembering except as a lighthearted memory that back when you first met, he only had one more kiss with another guy before you were committed forever.
For me personally no. I do not want an open relationship. If something isn’t working in the bed room or relationship, put your big boy pants on and fucking tell me. If it can be fixed then we’ll fix it. If we can’t then we’ll fix that by going our separate ways. There is no excuse to cheat. Ever. If you’re not happy, be a man and fucking tell the other person. You are not 4 years old stealing cookies before dinner behind Mommy’s back. Grow the fuck up. As for open relationships. The ones I’ve seen first hand with friends, the happiness level is always greatly exaggerated. The ones I’ve seen are never as happy as they say. There is usually one who is so afraid of losing the other that they’ve essentially brainwashed themselves into finding their partner sleeping with others hot. Yet when you sit down one on one with them and start peeling the onion the water works start. You find a broken individual who doesn’t understand why they aren’t enough to be the only love. It’s sad & heart breaking to see. So that is my opinion & experience with these 2 sides.