The Tim Tebow Conundrum: I’m Kinda Irritated With My Dick

I have a confession to make – I think Tim Tebow is the sexiest piece of pro football ass since Adam Vinatieri kicked the Pats into a Superbowl win and then left for…I have no clue where. I only watch pro football if it’s an important game or someone I want to fuck has a visible jockstrap situation going on.

My extreme lust for Evangelical Christian Tebow makes me uncomfortable. He’s become the American sweetheart that everyone’s uneasy over. Is he for real? Is he a big God-lovin’ Boy Scout who should be carrying Captain America’s shield? Or is he a dorky and dumb shill for the Christian Right? Word is he’s not even that great a quarterback, but everyone’s obsessed with his ass anyways.

As I caught highlights of this past Sunday’s Pats/Broncos game (Denver lost) and glimpsed Tim’s homely-handsome face, I began to question myself. Tebow’s faith automatically makes him my enemy, right? I’m an out homosexual who is engaged to my partner. His religion tells him that people like me are an abomination, and fellow practicioners tend to be VERY outspoken on that point. What to do?

– J. Harvey

For more on my problem (and more pics of Tebow – Exhibit A in this trial), Follow the JUMP:

As far as I can tell, Tim has never said anything openly derogatory against gays. But he is very open about his religion. “Tebowing” (in which Tim kneels and genuflects himself before his deity on the sidelines) has become an national topic, whether you’re mocking it, admiring it, or staring at his ass as he does it. There was a bitchfest a couple of years back when he appeared in an anti-abortion commercial during the Superbowl. Whenever anyone asks him about equal rights for gays, his publicist cuts them off. Is it because they’re afraid that the almost naively honest Tebow will say something homophobic or something supportive?

Still, his constant quoting from the Bible and stated intent to thrust God into everything he does makes me uneasy. Because that usually indicates someone’s thinking I should burn for what I do in the bedroom (and in alleys, cars, the dressing room at H&M, I kid!)

Sexual desire is such a powerful thing. I know gay men who will immediately lose their bone for a guy if he’s a Tim Tebow – straight and religious. It doesn’t work for me that easily. Does this make me shallow, horny or a slave to lust? Am I a pervert? Is this TRUE perversion – wanting to do someone who might be someone I have every reason to loathe?

Our community has suffered greatly from fellow human beings trying to beat us down with their dogma. Do you rise above what your cock wants? Is this a matter of self-respect? Am I *gulp* a traitor to the cause?

What about you? Have you ever experienced an attraction to someone you should probably disregard completely?

51 thoughts on “The Tim Tebow Conundrum: I’m Kinda Irritated With My Dick

  1. For some reason, I think that guys like him that are so “super christianized” are usually hiding their gayness. Maybe it’s fact, maybe just wishful thinking on my part…lol.

  2. I live in Denver and am so sick of seeing his face and hearing his name everywhere.  He looks like a boring Christian boy in every way – not my type at all.  More for everyone else.

  3. Your opinion on his religious beliefs makes you as bigoted and bitchy, and let me get this right, as you think he might be. Who the fuck cares. He’s a good QB, he can always pull it out in the fourth quarter (wordplay!) and he loves his mom.

  4. I am not really a big fan of Tim Tebow.  He’s not hairy enough.  Plus him being a Bible Beating Christian PROBABLY means he doesn’t like gays.  Now, that is of course speculation, and I am not sure of that, but if history is any indicator, it’s true.

  5. I was watching the 49ers/Steelers game last night…how ’bout some pix of 49ers Q’back Alex Smith!  Now there is one very hot San Francisco boy.  Apparently he’s straight and married to a former Raiders cheerleader and just had a child, but he is a sexy-looking big boy I’d like to see more of.

  6. i dont get it…. his body isn’t very hot… the face is… uhmmm… wrong… and ,if his beliefs fall in line with most annoying evangelical christians, it is just all a complete waste.

  7. There’s always a scandal with these types. Fame and fortune corrupts given enough time. Most likely he’ll knock up some football groupie or some girl “leaks” inappropriate pictures of him, but I can always hope he has a sordid gay affair. That would be JUICY. 

  8. Last week I was so bored I decided to jerk off without porn instead using my good old imagination, and thought about Tebow getting gang banged in the locker room shower.  I came within 2 minutes.  So yeahhh, I’d say he’s pretty hot.

  9. It’s called branding. He is being sold as some kind of “chosen one”, his publicists wont allow him to say anything that would ruin his image to any demographic( less ammunition against him). He is an endorser and his product is his faith. Evidently “sex sells” apply here as well.

  10. nah!! – I still think Tom Brady is the sexiest thing in (and out of) a football uniform. I bet he throws one mean f@#k.

  11. “Have you ever experienced an attraction to someone you should probably disregard completely?”

    You mean, like being attracted to any straight guy, ever?

  12. I think you should reference the dictionary for what the word bigoted means. The blog post was not bigoted. Questioning someone’s stated beliefs and pondering over the impact that has over your perception of them is simply not bigotry.

  13. i totally agree with you.  i  get a  hard on just seeing him walk on the field.  the man is total centerfold material  and I   want an autographed copy.

  14. I’ve liked him since his college days. I think to lump people together for the actions of others is so stupid. Until he says something, you can’t condemn him for his religion.  

  15. Adam is in Indianapolis with the Colts and still has one of the best butts in Pro Football.  Helped the Colts win a Super Bowl too.  He’s already had a better career than Tebow  ever will.

  16. I know exactly what you are saying. Wanting something that you should totally disregard. But there you are. The want, the lust, the dream. Just to see him as God made him. To touch him and taste him. My, my, my……

  17. He’s totally hot, but I am not attracted to him at all. Maybe it’s that he’s supposed to be a big deal, or that he’s supposedly a “good” Christian, or that he looks like he’d never fuck a girl who was bigger than a size 2. Looks like a whole lot of bullshit to me. Don’t even want to fap to it.

  18. As a gay Christian (yes you can be both and have a personal relationship with God outside of organized religion) I think he is a great role model and has been good for the sport of football.  He is someone good for young people to look up to, someone nice for gays to admire, and someone who just gave a needed boost to the image of professional athletes.

  19. This whole topic seems to be a little unfair. Just like gays don’t all liked to be grouped with the extremely flamboyant gays, not all Christians or Evangelical Christians are gay-hating or bashing. Just because he keeps God in his life or is pro-life doesn’t mean he wants to burn all of us at the stake, so until I hear him say something gay-derogatory, I don’t see his religion as being a turn-on or turn-off, or something that makes him undesirable. 

  20.  I think Tebow might just be in the Ben Cohen mold of “gay friendliness” (straight, but accepting). But, since that could offend his Christian fan base, his publicist keeps him from saying so. Kristin Chenoweth is a good, Christian, Southern-gal and has nothing but
    respect for the “gays” in her life and defends them too. Hopefully, this new generation who’ve grown up with more accepting media images of gays (Neil Patrick Harris, Ellen DeGeneres, etc.) will see gayness in the same light as left-handedness; just a difference without a distinction.

  21. I heard he’s pretty wild in the sack.  Er, whoops… got mixed up.  He throws wild passes before he gets sacked.  Nevermind.

  22. fuck them gators, I’d like to fuck Tebow in the ass, right in front of his god and everybody, no sense let a good piece of beef go bad.

  23. Caling him out on his religion is not bigotry.  He makes a point of his religion morning, noon and night and is quite clear how he feels about gays because of his religion.  He’s a public figure, and if he wants to make a point of showing his religiosity and shoving down everyone’s throats, then no one can complain when he gets it in the butt for it. 

  24. Don’t worry.  Anyone who wants to get it on with him just needs to be constantly checking craigslist or the nearest men’s restroom wherever he’s at.  You know how those bible thumpers who love to always pose shirtless and manscape are.  A wink is as good as a nod.  Nuff said.

  25. I think the issue with Tebow is we do not know his stance on gays.  His commercial a few years back, if I am correct was for Focus on the Family, and they’re anti gay sentiment has been well documented.  I’m going to wait to pass judgement on his gay stance until he makes it known. 

    As far as the issue with religion and football mixing, let’s be honest people; how many criminals play in this league?  Michael Vick did time for dog fighting, Ben Rothlesberger was accused of sexual assault at least twice, Plaxico Buress shot himself in the foot with an unregistered gun, Ricky Williams got busted with pot countless time…  the list goes on and on.  They play with controversy and prison records, Tebow can equally play with his “pureness” and faith in God.  Sword cuts both ways sadly.

    For the question at hand J. Harvey, I’d say sexual fantasies and desires towards people who have animosity towards you are part of human nature.  However actively pursuing a sexual encounter doesn’t seem wise or practical. 

  26. While I applaud your openness in regards to your faith, I have to disagree about Tebow’s role model eligibility.  

    He may not be Fred Phelps, but I think it’s reasonable to assume that someone who wears their religion on their shirt sleeves as he does is probably against the right of people like us to have our relationships legally recognized, serve without fear of being outed (read openly) in the military or even adopt children.  Until proven otherwise, I for one consider him as dogmatic and “my way or the highway” as the rest of the Christian right.

  27. “all that glitters is not gold.”

    “what might be gold on the outside may just be trash on the inside.”

    of course, it is okay to feel (and, perhaps, declare) a sexual attraction for someone you know is.. ..”not compatible.”

    but it is not as okay to try to pursue that individual..
    ..knowing what you know about him.

  28. There are many Christian denominations that are supportive of Gay rights.
    Even actress Betty White is a part of Unity Church which is pro gay.

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