Let’s be honest. When you see these pictures of Boston Red Sox player Mike Napoli shirtless and dousing himself with uncorked champagne, Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out” is playing in your head. And that is happening for two reasons:
1. You desperately want Napoli to be a homosexual. And you desperately want to be slick with his bursting bottle. And then after the celebrating is done in the locker room, you want him to use his champagne-lubed cock in the worst way. Just play ball, if you understand sexual innuendo.
2. Your penis is literally outside of your pants. And it is either semi-erect. If not full-on hard. Because Napoli looks so happy. And that makes you happy.
Grasping at mobile and laptop screens for unattainable straight jock cock isn’t a new phenomenon. Ben Cohen, LGBT ally and rugby sexpot, has been winning the hearts and self-made loads of queers for years. And don’t even get me started on the fanboy culture for SF Giants’ Brian Wilson, who has a beard you could essentially crawl into and open a grant-funded start-up.
There’s something about men who are active (i.e. sporty) and prone to just being so adorable that their glowing smiles make them leap from the page, and into our filthy, filthy minds. It isn’t because they are straight. It is just because they look really hot shirtless covered in celebratory libations (even though we wish it was semen).
Fact: You can’t have them.
Fact: Happy wanking.
See even more of Mike Napoli celebrating shirtless below:
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Mmph. That is all.
hot.