Recently, Jessica Simpson’s mom Tina filed for divorce from her husband of 34 years – Jessica and Ashlee Simpson‘s father (and manager) Joe. The picture above illustrates why. Girlfriend came out. Girlfriend came out of the closet HARD. Girlfriend came out of the closet so hard that all the windows in the house exploded, the bird feeder caught fire, and Jessica actually started losing that baby weight.
According to several gossip sites, Joe has fallen hard for a West Hollywood-residing aspiring model/actor (aren’t they all?) named Bryce Chandler Hill. Word is that Ms. Hill is using Mr. Simpson to kitty claw his way to the top of the showbiz game. Poor Joe. A coming-out-of-the-closet midlife crisis is hard enough, but then you’ve caught a floppy-haired, gold-digging twinkie buttplug that’s pulling the Fleet box over your eyes about how sexy you are to him. Joe, you need to stuff that 40-something ass into your new skinny jeans and run! RUN!
What do you think about Joe’s new look?
– J. Harvey
For pics of the gurl Joe is supposedly exploring his sexuality with, Follow the JUMP:
This shit made me laugh.
The picture and my eyes going straight to “Girlfriend came out of the closet HARD.”
Genius!
This shit made me laugh.
The picture and my eyes going straight to “Girlfriend came out of the closet HARD.”
Genius!
I definitely would’ve fucked Joe Simpson before he went and ruined himself with this bottle-blonde Feminem fashion crime bullshit. He went from respectably-attractive-(to-me)-if-creepy daddy to leftover member of Flock of Seagulls or something.
I definitely would’ve fucked Joe Simpson before he went and ruined himself with this bottle-blonde Feminem fashion crime bullshit. He went from respectably-attractive-(to-me)-if-creepy daddy to leftover member of Flock of Seagulls or something.
needs a little sun ,if you ask me!
needs a little sun ,if you ask me!
Is that twitter pic a promotional still for a circa 1980 William Higgins porno? Give me a break- why these newly out over 40s embarrass themselves by fawning over these twinkie boys I will never understand.
Is that twitter pic a promotional still for a circa 1980 William Higgins porno? Give me a break- why these newly out over 40s embarrass themselves by fawning over these twinkie boys I will never understand.
The shirt with matching shoes is sooooooo WeHo. Good luck to him and that twinkie slut.
Twinkerbell is kind of cute in a Bel Ami/trade way. But daddy Simpson has some awfully ragged (not rugged!) skinz.
It’s just sad. Joe looked hot in those pics from last week…but this look is just ridiculous.
It’s just sad. Joe looked hot in those pics from last week…but this look is just ridiculous.
I hate it when older-married guys come out of the closet and try to twink themselves up; kinda disgusting and very gross.
And here I we had voted unanimously that nobody gives a shit about this guy.
ditto… giggled so hard nearly peed my briefs!
I think he meant “Tough for whom?”
I think he meant “Tough for whom?”
I think he meant “Tough for whom?”
This article had me laughing so hard! It had equal parts wit and bitchiness. Please don’t ever stop writing. Now I see why Michael K has you filling in for him at Dlisted so often.
Joe needs to find a better person, this kid does not look like he’s right for him at all.
If this is his “new look”, what the hell was the old one? Chelsea Handler did a piece on this last night and it was priceless…just like your piece on the piece J. Harvey. (side note: you are on a roll today and knocking them out of the park)
Mom’s side of the family is officially off the hook.
Mom’s side of the family is officially off the hook.
some people explode out of the closet in extreme ways, let it be. After 20 it’s harder and louder and bigger when you do it. Over 50? Man who the hell cares what you think of me? I applaud him. Power works as a motivating attractive feature for me.
It’s sexy. It’s not enough for a relationships but it’s gotten me a millionaire that wanted to marry me. I said no, but he did take a lover – afterwards, then died, and the twink was a 8 million $ richer twink for being there the last 9 months. Who’s looking for subsidized housing and struggling under bills? I am! And battling cancer and imminently homeless? A little too much. Had I just said THANK YOU YES – I could have choices he would have loved to share with me. Right? Let go of the judgements. I wish I had.
sex with two people that is consentual – 19 and 50? Well it’s nothing new, it’s just that it takes two to tango. And the dance is not so terrible. Imagine having an abusive father and then finding a gay man who wants to be your daddy figure. Then the healing a mentor can do for you emotionally and mentally and sexually? Straight guys stay fucked up, we get smart and reinvent our lives and heal ourselves if we are smart. I gotta say – it’s a stroke of genius if people are doing it with the chance to develop in ANY way. The value will transfer or transmit regardless. Celebrate it. I know 4 older men – over 50 in relationships with men 18 to 29. It’s life. Grow up.