Jesse Jackman Is In A Sling, And There Go My Plans For The Rest of Today

Dirk Caber and Jesse Jackman, homemade sex tape

Last night I had plans to go to bed early like a well-behaved person with a regular day job (as opposed to an underemployed and overly horny freelancer with a porn addiction). But that didn’t happen, thanks to Jesse Jackman‘s announcement on Twitter last night that he and his real-life boyfriend Dirk Caber had put out another home movie scene. Obviously, I had to click through, and lo and behold, if I didn’t find myself watching the whole sixteen-minute video multiple times in a row.

There are many parts of this video that get me hot, but I’ll just focus on my top five:

5. The lack of ugly-bumping. Because of the camera positioning, we don’t actually see Jesse’s boots getting knocked, so we have to read their faces to study the nuances of each individual thrust.

4. Dirk’s vaguely menacing smile. And his face, in general. Although I’ve mentioned the realities of my bottoming skills, I’ve spent many a night, reader, imagining Dirk’s face staring into my eyes as he tossed his caber into my butt.

3. Jesse’s armpits (and arms in general). They are so gorgeous! I could watch them for days on end, just being there. And also they’re front and center when he’s splayed out in a sling.

2. Dirk’s stoicism. Mr. Caber fucks in the way that I like to have sex: pretty much silently, reading his partner’s moves rather than constantly asking questions or making porn talk. He’ll laugh or grunt when he has to, but for the most part he’s the quiet type.

1. The ending! After getting his ass boned and shooting a load all over his stomach, Jackman starts grunting like a cartoon bear who just heard the funniest joke ever, and Dirk just keeps pumping away. That makes them both laugh a lot. It’s adorable. I want to find a way to have them over for dinner, and then offer myself up for dessert.

– Lawrence

Click through to watch Jesse and Dirk in action: