Confession! I’m looking forward to looking and growing older. That might sound like an insane thing to say in this obsessively youth-driven gay culture, but I’ve felt this way ever since I was a teenager. For me, being young has always been overrated. I’m done with it! I want to finally become the dirty old man I was born to be.
This has been on my mind a bit more recently, after a commenter suggested I was a “a horny old dude posting picture[s] of young guys so we can stroke off”. The comment was actually in defense of my decision to go through with posting naked pics of Heath Ledger, and while it was a far cry from a compliment—even of the backhanded sort—I appreciated the sentiment that people need to calm the fuck down.
Truth be told, I wasn’t even personally insulted that someone made the assumption I’m “a horny old dude”. I just found it utterly bizarre. Why do I come off as “old”? Is it the fact that I don’t worship Katy Perry or Nicki Minaj? Is it my beard or fondness for hairy dudes? Is it the bags under my eyes from not getting enough sleep? (Paging Dr. Tiller!)
Should I take it as a compliment? Should I be offended on behalf of noble, mature gay men everywhere that my perverted, sleazy words are interpreted as “old”? So many questions!
Photo credit: Sean Cody
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In the end, I opted to not respond in the comments section and, instead, leave a passive-aggressive message on Twitter: “LOL at some commenter who called me ‘old’. I’m in my late-twenties. If that’s ‘old’, I think gays need to reassess their priorities.”
It’s true! You wouldn’t believe the number of times on a weekly basis that I hear guys my age complaining about “being old”. It’s infuriating for someone like myself, who actively wants to age with pride. It’s perhaps even more infuriating for friends in their forties, fifties, sixties or beyond who overhear their comments and silently (or not so silently) think to themselves that these young’ns have no idea what they’re talking about.
Oh, and while we’re discussing things that are infuriating, let’s chat about this devastatingly handsome, salt-and-pepper Sean Cody model. His name is Daniel, and he’s 26 years-old. The same age as yours truly!
And I fucking hate him.
“Hate” might be too strong of a word. As it goes, I hate Daniel in the same way I “hate” Tyler Sweet for sitting on all the dicks I want to sit on. Basically? I want to be him. I am absurdly jealous about everything about him.
If you haven’t guessed, the aspect about Daniel I’m most jealous about is that he’s going gray, and he has been since he was fifteen years-old. My desire to have gray hair began around the same time Daniel was actually going gray. You can understand my frustration, right?
Now, I know what some of you are going to say! “That must have been tough for him! Going gray so early, he was probably bullied in high school, and blah blah blah…”
Okay, sure! But that doesn’t appear to be a problem today. Daniel was completely confident when discussing his hair with Sean Cody. “I think it makes me look more dignified, more manly,” he told the site. And I agree! It does make him look more dignified… Which means I look less dignified, less manly.
The thing is, ever since I can recall being attracted to men, I’ve always found gray hair attractive. Even in my “teeny-bopper” days, I would have sooner banged Steve Martin than any member of ‘NSYNC or The Backstreet Boys.
That hasn’t really changed over time. My benchmarks for attractiveness aren’t Channing Tatum, Zac Efron, Taylor Lautner or any of those glorified tween idol sluts. They’re men like George Clooney, Mark Ruffalo and Allen Silver. Men with various degrees of grayness (though not fifty shades of it).
It’s certainly not a dealbreaker by any means! Hell, I’ve come around to the twinky boys in the past few years, and I’d sell my left nut for a night with an eager bottom boy like Kodi or Tristan Sterling…
Just as quickly, however, I’d sell my right nut to get rammed by a beefy bear like Brace Wilhold. That’s just one particular example! As you’re all aware, I’m a big fan of daddies who bottom, and I’d just as quickly ram Brace’s ass (if he were up for it).
I’m talking a lot about me, and this is a Hot or Not post. There’s a reason for that! Beyond exceptions like Anderson Cooper, gray hair isn’t socially accepted as an attractive physical trait. In a way, I guess I just wanted to provide a strong (and 100% honest) contrast to the inevitable “Ew, no!” comments that will wind up on this post.
Then again, most of you just came here to masturbate to pictures of Daniel. This seems like an appropriate time for me to shut up and let you fap in peace.