Guilty Pleasure: Stupid Ass Mark Wahlberg

Marky Mark Wahlberg is a dumb bitch. We’ve identified the problem, now let’s get to the part where I tell you that I have fapped to his old Calvin Klein Underwear ads. Ugh, his personality is probably why Kate Moss does all that coke now. He scarred her ass for life with his herp derp. Unfortunately, I still find him fuckable.

Does this pinhead do it for you, too? He’s still sorta sexy and stuff with his big dumb but hot face and ripped body (you’ve seen The Fighter, you know what I mean).

The only movie I’ve ever seen him actually pull off any acting in was Boogie Nights, and the prosthetic cock still had more talent than him. Blame my venomous fingers this morning on reading how his fool ass told Men’s Journal the following:

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘Okay, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

After Wahlberg was done shitting on people who died in 9/11 and basically referring to them as cowards, he dragged his stupid-ass knuckles over to People and (slightly) apologized.

This is beyond my Tebow conundrum. I am a shallow, shallow individual who is led by my eyes and my cock (and my anus, but we’ll leave that alone for now). It’s not like he committed genocide or anything, but he’s obviously a delusional cunt with his head up his ass. He thinks his movies are real.

The point is – everytime we think Mark Wahlberg is hot, we should just punch ourselves in the face.

– J. Harvey

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