Tales From The 2013 Hustlaball In New York!

So this weekend, I went to Hustlaball in New York. It was something! As I predicted, there were swarms and swarms of attractive men there, those who were getting paid to be there and, also, a good chunk of their admirers. Also, as I predicted, there were a lot of porn stars that I physically admire, but who I couldn’t for the life of me place, which made me feel like a jerk. Because I couldn’t exactly walk up to them like, “Hey! You’re awesome! Who are you?” Diesel Washington and JP Richards and Seth Fornea all stood out, but a lot of the time, I was just trying to ID guys by their tattoos.

I brought my camera, thinking that it would be easier for me to approach strangers if I looked official. I’m not actually that great at photographing events though, so a majority of the photos I did take were of jockstraps, and of the food in the VIP room. (For an extra $100, VIPs at Hustlaball have access to bananas, caramel apples and Milk Duds. There were probably other extras, but those were the ones I noticed.)

Some highlights: I walked in to see Bravo Delta and his friend Stevie dancing—“dancing”—in one room, and then they jumped off the stage and were replaced by real-life couple Adam Russo and Cutler X, the latter of whom I talked to for a little while afterwards. What a disarmingly nice guy! When you watch somebody on video slapping the face of the man they’re throat-fucking, you don’t really assume they’re going to be totally friendly. But yeah, sweet guy. I also watched him get his dick sucked by Adam, Armond Rizzo and whoever else in the audience got within a twelve-inch radius of him. (Full disclosure: I didn’t. But I wanted to! It’s a really enormous dick, more so in person than on a computer screen.)

After a smoke break with a handsome new friend, I went downstairs, this time to see Bravo Delta on the main stage peeing into the mouth of some guy in the audience! You think he’s shy. He’s… not that shy. I actually kind of marveled at how pee-shy he didn’t get. He just whipped it out and wizzzzzzzzzzzz, just like that. Of course, I was at the complete opposite end of the room for that part, which is why there aren’t photos. But since half the people in attendance were taking video with their phones the whole time, there’s bound to be someone’s shaky iPhone footage showing up sooner or later. (I know I’m going to sound like a hypocrite and an old man, but jeez, people. Try to live in the moment a little!)

What else? The whole evening was kind of a blur, honestly, partly because the event stretched over three floors with a bunch of different stages, so you kind of had to stay on the move if you didn’t want to miss anything. Somebody was getting whipped in one room and Boomer Banks and his horse cock were dancing in the other room, and somewhere else, someone was doing a sounding demo and also that handsome new friend kept tempting me with cigarettes. (Full disclosure: I love cigarettes. I know, it’s awful.) Oh, I did learn something practical in the smokers’ corral: if someone comes up to you with the hiccups, ask them when the last time was that they saw a rabbit. Apparently, random memory recall makes you stop hiccupping. It worked on the guy with the chains and the awesome tank top, at least.

– Lawrence

Take a look at additional pictures from the event below:

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