Well, it looks like I’ll have to leave a memo to use more content from My Straight Buddy in next year’s Straight Guys Are Gay posts! The gay porn site, which actually isn’t very gay at all, took the top spot on our list of the “Hottest Heteros of 2013“. Another clip from their site made the top five, along with an old clip from True Blood, some dudes dancing and some dudes kissing.
The rest of this countdown features two terrible dancing trends that will (hopefully) be left to die in 2013, butt shaving, debates on sexuality and a video of straight guys watching gay porn. Preferably, I’d rather be watching straight guys in gay porn, but what the hell do I know? This series is extremely popular over weekends! Kudos to my darling co-blogger J. Harvey for exploiting our fetishization of heterosexual men.
– Dewitt
Photo credit: My Straight Buddy
Take a look at the best Straight Guys Are Gay posts of 2013 below:
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10. STRAIGHT GUYS’ THOUGHTS ON GAY PORN:
We wrote: “Here are four straight guys faced with gay porn for the first time. They give us their views on what they think is happening, and admire the hairlessness of the performers. It’s nice to see their mature reactions, as opposed to some sort of idiotic mock-vomiting or something.”
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9. THE HARLEM SHAKE:
We wrote: “Everywhere I turn online this week, I am assaulted with bitches doing ‘The Harlem Shake’. Here’s a link to explain the phenomenon. Per usual, the best part of this bullshit is the amount of dudes getting homoerotic with each other while filming their own ‘Harlem Shake’ videos. We love drunken frat guys. They’re always losing their clothes and expressing on video what they can’t in person. Unless they’ve had too much Jaeger.”
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8. I’M NOT GAY:
We wrote: “Can you fuck or be fucked by a guy (the difference might be a factor in your answer) and still be considered ‘straight’? That’s what this ‘Steamroom Stories‘ vid puts forth. You might be distracted from answering because of the dude’s nipples on the right. They’re like headlights. You’re going to be like a deer in them.”
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7. THE HETERO DUDE WHO COULD TWERK:
We wrote: “That girl thought she had skills. She has nary a skill! This would be most evident when her buddy in the tank top takes to the IHOP floor… Who knew a straight fella could work his booty like that? His skills are so breathtaking that the girl becomes even more confused and tries to best him again! Please put your skirt down and take a seat, honey. He’s got this.”
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6. BUTT SHAVE:
We wrote: “This one is short, but sweet. Two buddies are rudely interrupted while one is shaving the other one’s buttocks.The ginger muscle bear is bent over, butt up while his pal attends to his ass… Two straight guys once told me they had shaved each other’s asses before for aesthetic reasons. Firstly, that’s a horrible idea. Why would you mess with your natural fuzzy beauty. Secondly, fuck that’s hot.”
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5. HARDCORE GAMERS:
We wrote: “Pretty adorable YouTube comedy dude Chad Neidt is two-playin’ a video game with a bud. A very close bud. A close bud whom he smooches after every successful level beaten. When they beat boss level, they slap their tongues together like they’re trying to extract each other’s fillings with only their mouth suction action!”
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We wrote: “We decided to head over to My Straight Buddy to find more videos of Nicholas’ insane bubble butt, and we were not disappointed to discover the site’s basically the gay porn equivalent of J. Harvey‘s Straight Guys Are Gay series… Their latest clip features Nicholas with his roommate and best friend Brennan (who apparently appeared on Active Duty in the past). These two are tight as hell and have even been deployed together. Their deep bond is evident in this clip where they wrestle, shower together and jerk off in front of one another.”
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3. FILTHY DANCING:
We wrote: “Here are some straight guys exploring their feminine sides with each other. At the gym. In the shower. Nude. Who else is going to teach you to slow dance with the ladies if not your buddies? At the gym. In the shower. Nude. The sex ed lessons are just gravy.”
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2. THE BEST SCENE EVER ON TRUE BLOOD:
We wrote: “When I was watching the most recent episode, I recalled the absolutely amazing scene from the third season where Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) showed up at Sam Merlotte’s motel room and they got pretty close. The backstory is that Sam had imbibed of Bill’s blood to save his life. And in the True Blood universe, you end up being intrinsically linked to a vamp from which you drink. This often manifests itself as sex dreams.”
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We wrote: “Trip and Kody are a pair of marines who became stepbrothers four years ago… They seem to be very comfortable with one another! So comfortable, in fact, that they’re cool playing naked beer pong together. Some of this comfort might be due to the fact that they spent the whole night drinking, then continued to down booze into the morning (hence why this scene is being filmed in daylight). You never know! Straight guys are weird. And they tend to take their clothes off when enough alcohol is involved.”
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The title of this is very stupid, straight guys are not gay, they are straight. These guys are only in it for the money. You really need to stop watching porn if you believe that title dumbass.