Secret Sex: Kevin James

In regards to our Secret Sex column, I’ve tried to avoid featuring too many men of the bearish variety. And why would I ever do such a thing? Because I don’t want anyone to get the idea that lusting after men with extra padding is something you should be ashamed about.

So why the hell is Kevin James here? While I’d love to take the intellectual high road and say “he’s not funny”, this would be a total lie. There were moments when I laughed out loud watching The King of Queens, even though I was fully aware of the show’s tired schtick of “big dude with hot wife”. Not to mention that Mr. James looked damn sexy in that delivery uniform!

On the other hand, it’d be great if I could blame my shame on the terrible reviews for his new movie Grown Ups. But that’s just not the case either. When it all comes down to it, my feelings on this matter can be summed up with four words–Paul Blart Mall Cop. Even with a Segway and a mustache, I still wanted to hit that.

– Dewitt

To check out some shirtless pics of Kevin James, follow the JUMP:

32 thoughts on “Secret Sex: Kevin James

  1. I don’t care what all the haters are gonna say…that man is fine and I would do him anytime and be proud to do it…very sexy..so all u bear haters who are gonna make snarky comments….FUCK U

  2. Ehh I dunno, he just doesn’t do it for me. Not just cos of the weight (I have a few extra pounds myself) but just his face never really got me going ”Ooh he’s cute” and even something about his voice gets a little irritating :/

  3. Well i’m completely different from Patrick. Kevin James’ face is what I find that makes him attractive. But it’d be awesome if he lost some weight.

  4. i’ll put it in this way: i keep saying to myself, “if only Kevin was just a few pounds lighter. . . . .”

    . . . . .seeing him with that paul bunyan beard, though, definitely puts a few naughty thoughts into my head.

    _\|/_

    i’ve never seen the guy shirtless before this post; thusly, some of my questions have finally been answered.

  5. I wouldn’t mind a shag with this guy either, but preferably WITH his Paul Blart Mall Cop moustache. I know that sounds funny, but i have a moustache fetish. I detest fat man/skinny wife sitcoms, so I’m not familiar with any of his TV work, but I totally fell in love with him in that movie. He was so adorable, probably because he played a guy so emotionally accessible…something I rarely find in the gay guys I date.

  6. First the Str*8 sex, and now this….WTF is next Liberace’s love child? PLEASE>>

  7. American Soldier, are you joking, or don’t you have any tolerance for things out of the realm of your comprehension? It makes no sense to say hurtful things about people you don’t understand.

  8. OH HELL YES!! The only reason I watched king of queens was to find out who this man was. He is very handsome!!

  9. when I think “Kevin James” I don’t think “bear”, but yeah, I loved him since The King of Queens. He’s the hottest combination of adorable and funny. I love funny guys! Now that I think about it, there isn’t a comedian alive I wouldn’t do.

  10. He’s cute just like seth rogan or jonah hill. I actually wouldn’t mind doing it with him surprisingly.

  11. Kevin James is a nice looking man. I remember watching certain episodes of king of queens and finding him more attractive than on others. (in the later episodes for example he was a bit more muscular and had nice shoulders)

    he also had 2 hot friends on that show; deacon and richie…

  12. I hated the show for one reason: Kevin’s character was always made out to be the stupid one while the wife was always right. So I never got into the show.
    That said, I’ve never got into Kevin either. There is something to be said about being healthy (so shoot me). No thanks.

  13. he’s def got a handsome face, but he has my late grandmother’s upper arms…wave goodbye and hello at the same time

  14. Sorry, what I meant to say was James reminds me of a younger version of Jake Cruise…..and Jake Cruise reminds me of Liberace…without the props. Either way it’s enough to scare you straight.

  15. Lost as to the logic or what was meant by Dewitts comment “.. I’ve tried to avoid featuring too many men of the bearish variety. And why would I ever do such a thing? Because I don’t want anyone to get the idea that lusting after men with extra padding is something you should be ashamed about..”

  16. i’ll help you out, bill:

    simply, dewitt did not want to imply that one’s having a sexual attraction for bears/plus-sized fellows is a thing should be kept a secret.

    (so, by extension, mr. james isn’t a Secret Sex Fellow because he’s big; he’s a Secret Sex Fellow because of a sucktastic movie he’d starred in.)

  17. Kevin James is a good actor and usually pretty funny…but as an object of sexual desire? No thanks! And as for Adam Sandler…one of the biggest frauds ever perpetrated on the American public. Someone else who got filthy rich appealing to the lowest common denominator of intellect. But what else is new?

  18. i just realized: those pictures above have to be stills from “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.”

    i never watched the movie, so please understand it if i was a bit slow on the draw, there.

  19. Kevin James is funny and a sexy bear. That pretty much does it for me. I wanna cuddle with him.

  20. Damn him for not baring his ass in that film where he and Sandler were pretending to be a couple! Actually, he was a bit too bloated in that movie, but he looked great in Hitch (Will Smith movie) when he stripped off his pants in the restroom scene.

    If was a bit younger and in shape, he’d look a lot like former gay porn star (now doing straight porn) TJ Cummings.

  21. I’m a 23 yr old black woman and I think Kevin James is HOT! He’s adorable and funny and whenever I look at him, I think HUBBY <3 🙂

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