Some gay men live in a bubble, in which the majority of their interactions occur with fellow LGBT individuals. It’s a comfortable existence for the most part. Even if they have little in common with their loyal (or not-so-loyal) comrades, they’re united by certain desires, interests and goals.
Then there’s a whole other demographic of guys who prefer the company of our straight brethren. For whatever reason, they feel like they don’t fit into the gay “scene”, or there isn’t a local gay scene to partake in. They might not want to deal with the negative stereotypes associated with our kind—the cattiness, promiscuity, etc.
All in all, would you say you have more gay friends, straight friends or a healthy balance? If you lean one way or the other, is there a particular reason? Where does your best friend fall in the spectrum of sexuality and gender? And do these factors really matter in the realm of friendship?
– Dewitt
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I have a balance. But I do hang out with my straight friends more. But all in all, they are all my friends regardless of labels.
probably close to 50-50 gay vs. straight. my best friend is gay. there are plenty of clubs here between ogunquit and portland but i am comfortable with both gay and straight men. I know who i am and they have a right to be who they are. but they like me and i appreciate them.
Straight guys all the way. I’m “straight acting” (aside from the loving dick part) myself and just have never been interested in, or found anything in-common with many gay men. Who either dress more flamboyant and/or talk in a stereotypical “gay” way. It’s weird and makes no sense to me, you gay but you can’t help acting like a female? makes zero sense to me, I want to understand it but just can’t figure it out. If I wanted a tight jean wearing, fast talking, skinny girl…then Id just date and be involved with girls. It’s funny to me how the most sought after and enjoyed porn are of those “Straight acting/looking” jocks, yet most of you will probably attack my opinion and defend the fairy’s and flamers. To each their own..what you stick your dick in dosent matter to me, but if your like me and love dick and boys….your still a man, you still have a penis and facial hair. So you should still act like a man, not a female, those flamers do all gay men a huge disservice in society. The normal gay dudes have to suffer on behalf of your wanting or “natural” need to be a chick with a dick.
I have to say that most of my friends are gay, but that I really miss having straight guy friends to hang out with too
I’d say the majority of my friends are straight. I do have some close gay friends, including my best friend. I really couldn’t tell you why because I never really thought about it before this post, lol.
Jeff.. ur a moron
I have very close straight friends and a very close gay friend but other than that its all a jumbled mix I wish I had a core of gay friends to hang out with sometimes though.
Growing up all my friends were women because I didn’t have a “gay scene” where to hang out. Now, that I’ve been out for 15 years, most of my friends are male and gay, but I still keep in touch with my female friends. So I guess there’s a balance, although it doesn’t involve straight men. Hey, you didn’t say anything about gender.
Bryan…Just one mans opinion Feel free to explain how the persecution and discrimination Ive faced, which largely has to do with the gay stereotype that the more feminine gay men have elicited, is fair for me. Is it fair for a black lawyer who speaks in a normal educated tone to experience racism or persecution (not that they are ever right in any situation) because his black neighbors dress like thugs and gangsters?? No its not fair. Dosent mean that its wrong for anyone to dress anyway they choose, but it is wrong that one human should suffer stereotype or discrimination because of another humans choice.
I am in my early 40’s, and I have a healthy balance of straight & gay friends.
I did not have my first gay experience till I was 27. I was in a fraternity so I had a lot of male friends before I accepted who I was and came out.
Mostly women… I would say all but one of my close friends (the people I really can rely on at any time) are women (mostly straight). The “one” is my very best friend, and he is straight.
In my extended clique there are bunch of straight guys and very few gays… I am one of those guys who would pass as straight on first sight but once one gets to spend more time around me, my slightly female side becomes visible 😉 OMG, Desperate Housewifes and shopping definitly belongs to my personality more than football or cars… my beard, deep voice etc. do cover those character traits quite well 😉
My best friend is a much younger straight, married male who is something of a surrogate son. I am also good friends with my ex-wife and several other women. I also have close long-time friendships with several gay men, but I have always found the “gay scene” kind of a turn-off and for most of my life rejected the notion that my life-style, the restaurants I frequent, the friendships I treasure, the social situations I prefer, and the life I lead and identity I project would be determined by my sexuality. Maybe that’s why I ended up as a lonely old fag living in solitude with my dog!
Mmmmm I bet Jeff is not only well spoken but damn SEXY too 🙂 Well said Jeff!
Jimmy – my story and yours are the same. actually the difference is my ex-wife and my children have nothing to do with me but i live with my wonderful greyhound dog and have virtually no company now. but I still respect the choice that I had to make.
i tend to get along better with straight guys.
I tend to mingle with bisexual girls… I don’t know why, the girls I befriend just turn out that way… I do have gay male friends, but most of my group are straight as they come (and don’t read the pun!) As for how I’m like… I’m not sure. I think the most effeminate I act is when I joke around at home or with my friends… I don’t like soccer, nor do I enjoy outdoor work. I’m good with children… But I do have a dirty mind and I get straight jokes for some reason… So what on earth does that make me other that gay? Oh, and I like feathers.
I live in San Francisco. There’s nothing BUT gay friends! 😛
As a kid, I had a friend who was a closeted gay guy. One day he told me to never hang out with him again because I outted him to my other friends. In high school all my friends were straight females, and when I was in college, I had one best friend who was straight. Now, I have alot of, “fake friends”.
The one guy who I wanted to be real good friends with is gay and even though he’s told me lots of times that I will always be a friend to him, he avoids me.
The only guy who will do anything for me is, straight but I tend to run the other way when he comes around.
I would LOVE to have a true gay friend.
my bestfriend is a woman as is most of my friends granted i do have a couple of straight guy friends. but the out of the women that are my friends several are lesbians. most are people that i went to high school with or have worked with. but this could possibly be due to the fact that i live in a city about 45 miles east of knoxville ,tennessee.
I have several very close gay friends, but I would say the majority of my friends are straight. I don’t really have a reason for this since it’s not a conscious decision for me. I am not really into the gay “scene” and I avoid those who exhibit the “gay stereotypes”, but that is not something I keep into consideration when choosing my friends. I accept anyone for who they are, regardless of whether I agree with it or not.
50/50 split. I live in one of the most diverse cities on Earth. I’m required to– and embrace being –involved in the lives of gay and straight men and women of all “races” religions, creeds and cultures. What I find objectionable about “Hot Jeff”‘s experiences is how little tolerance and understanding are demonstrated to him, based solely on stereotyping. Live and let live with open arms (at best) and tolerance at least.
I have mostly staright friends. I do have some gay friends but I am not very close with them. My closest friends are all straight guys including my best freind. It has nothing to do with whether or I prefer straight or gay friends, things just fell in place like that for me, which is how I think it should be. Why would I choose my friends based on sexual orientation rather than whether we get along well?
I have more straight male friends than gay male friends, I find most gay friends tend to stab you in the back over a dick, straight guys dont
How do two fags play “Gay Chicken?” How totally ridiculous. That completely voids the reason it’s called “Gay Chicken.” Jesus….. And this is just one more reason I keep only straight friends. Most gay guys my age just seem retarded by comparison. This is a perfect example.
i hang with dykes and str8 people dont really hang with other gay men
What you said Jeff is actually discriminatory against other gay people. I can’t take you seriously when you say things like “normal” as if there is one way to be “normal”. The funny thing is is that the perceptions of masculinity throughout the media are the things that are responsible for the persecution you faced, not the fact that some men are more flamboyant or feminine than others. You don’t have to date, befriend, or like anyone who is a “fairy”, but it doesn’t make them any less of a man. Your judgments and perceptions are incredibly inaccurate, ignorant, and shallow.
Defs in the straight friends camp.
Pretty much all my friends are straight, mainly due to the fact that I’ve only ever been around straight people. All my rugby friends are straight and all my uni friends are straight. I haven’t gone out in search of gay or straight friends that’s just how its happened. I don’t really like overly campy, flamboyant gays, its alright for a bit but after a while I find it grating.
All of them are straight. None of my LGBT friendships lasted. Well except for one. I’m cool with it though considering I live in the foot hills of new mexico.
I’ve only started getting gay friends. I like it, but no more than having straight friends.
I don’t really see a difference, except the gays like to hug a lot (which I appreciate).
I have mostly straight friends. Why? Because there’s more of them in the world.
what do you mean straight people dont usually hanf with gay men? Plenty of people here have commented that they straight friends here.
I’m with Jeff to a point. I mostly hangout with straight guys, because almost all the gay men I meet(except for a few who would be in the straight friends camp)either want to fuck me and run or are extremely effeminate and full of drama and stupid high school shit that I have ZERO time for. Generally, I’ve found the hardcore effeminate men to be vapid and childish. I don’t hang around girls who are like that, so I won’t, obviously, hang around men like that.
BUT, Jeff is wrong about the discrimination. Discrimination is what we make of it. I’ve spent the last 15 years since I’ve come out, destroying people’s out dated views on how a gay should act. I also spent my high school years beating the crap out of homophobic bullies. There will always be prejudice and discrimination, and it is ALL due to the perceptions of the bigot/bully/racist/whatever. Don’t always completely blame the harassed.What we do with the Prejudice IS important, though.
i HAVE A GOOD BALANCE GAY AND STRSIGHT, MALE AND FEMALE
I have tried time and time again to become involved with the gay groups on campus, gone to the ‘gay party scene’ here and even joined an equity committee to become more involved and meet more gay men to be friends with– but i guess I must have koodies or something… though i must admit i get on quite well with most lesbians…
thus, my best friends are typically male/female heteros, i would LOVE a group of gay best friend with whom I could relate to on the gay level and hopefully more…
I have never thought much about it especially since I do not judge or select my friends based upon there sexual orientation . Is it just me ? but 2 guys sucking dick and rubbing each others bodies ( regardless of how timid or gay4 pay ) does not qualify as STR8 .
I think he was missing the punctuation. Period after straight people and saying he doesn’t really hang with other gay men.
Mine are all straight. When I had cancer, my “gay friends” suddenly found themselves too busy with their lives to give a crap. I guess when you are too sick to think about sex, the topic of conversation is pretty limited…. Thank God for my straight friends.
I hang around with a lot of straight people. So im on the straight side. But I would love to have more gay friends there the best to be able to relate more. But the ones that i meet want to be like girls and im not like that (sometimes) but i love to be a man. I dont think what Jeff said was wrong or ignorant. We all live different lives and live certain ways. Its how we were brought up and whats around us that influnce are actions.
>Jeff.
>Well spoken.
>”It’s weird and makes no sense to me, you gay but you can’t help acting like a female? makes zero sense to me, I want to understand it but just can’t figure it out.”
laughingbitches.jpg
Honestly? Women. Specifically geeky women.
Straight!! Too damn much drama with the gay people I know. Not up for putting up with it.
My best friend (who is straight) and I hug frequently, and just about everywhere. I have mostly straight friends, because the gays in Austin are pretty flaky and dumb. But contrary to popular belief, they have way more drama than we do!
I definitely hang out with more straight men. Only because I seem to relate to them more. I’ve been in the gay scene here, and it just isnt me. Im a little more masculine. Im a huge sports buff, and dont find many gay men here that like sports, even my boyfriend doesnt like sports.
Pretty much all of my good friends are straight dudes, I can get along with women but none I’m as close with as my guy friends. They’re all totally cool with me loving cock, we joke and tease and i give as good as I get. I’ve always found the company of straight acting guys more attractive, that’s probably why those are the kinds of guys I go for, the bromos!
I dont have any gay friends at all, probably because of where I live and the fact that the gays in high school teased me for being too butch for a gay.
I would have to say 90% straight and 10% gay…just a couple months ago got burned by my gay best friend and I don’t think I would trust another gay male in that role in my life…most of my life I have had straight female best friends and that seems to work for me…No drama there..with gay friends comes way too much drama!! Plus I am in a long term relationship and my partner(Male) fills the role of best friend many times especially when we travel together…
I totally agree Will. A lot of the gay guys on my campus are very clique oriented even if they don’t necessarily act ‘loud’. It’s stupid because I get along with a lot of the people in my Pride group, even though their attitude is rather shallow because of the way they build their groups of friends. It’s hard for me to deal with their attitude that their group is ‘exclusive’ only to them. I have a ton of straight friends, including hetero guys, who accept me as a brother (because of the fraternity I’m in). And I appreciate all of my hetero/bi/lesbian girlfriends too, it’d be nice to be able to bond with a few other gay men though.
All of my closest friends are straight. I’ve always had a hard time making friends in the gay community. I find that sex or sexual attraction becomes involved and gets in the way of any deep emotional connection that friends should have. I’ve always wanted to have a close gay friend, but maybe I’m just not at the point in my life where that’s a possibility. But I’m more than happy with my straight male friends because they understand me, we have so much in common, and we get each other’s humour, so I’m ok when they crack jokes about my sexuality, where some gay guys could get easily offended.
Though I have gay friends, a large majority of my friendships consist of straight women and men. I have been out for 24 years and straight people have proven to be more loyal, considerate, compassionate and supportive than the gay men that have crossed my path. Many times, over the years, when I’ve been in gay environments, I’ve found many gay men to be superficial, bitchy, undependable and two-faced among many other less than desirable traits. A person’s heart and soul and his goodness as a human being is not even considered. Only youth, beauty, status and money matters. I am not stating that all gay men are this way – it is just that a huge number of gay men treat other gay men abysmally. One exception, of course, is the “Bear” community. Ironically, they are the happiest and the so called “A-Listers” are the most miserable.
oh that makes WAY more sense haha
Most of my friends are straight, most gay guys are full of drama, bad attitude, flakes and pretentious. They don’t last long friendship wise and are known to stab you in the back.