Quickie: Matthew Ninaber (The 5 Hour Energy Guy)

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This commercial must have been on my television at least 50 times this weekend (yes, I need to get off the couch). And that wasn’t a bad thing. Because I want to take 5 Hour Energy, ignore the intense jitters and fear of cancer, and FUCK HIM FOR AS LONG AS I POSSIBLE CAN. I know he plays, well, a douche in this commericial. But that only adds to his attractiveness. I want to knock the cocky out of him. With my cock. When he gives the “debut album” line, I am so repulsed that I feel like slapping my penis across his mouth so he doesn’t do that again. And then inserting it in his mouth. Argh, he is so painfully irritating. AND SO PAINFULLY HOT.

His name is Matthew Ninaber. He’s Canadian, and runs a production company. Alas, he’s straight (and married) but I can always keep fapping to the ad.

Is there someone you find so irritating and douchey but you still want to tsunami them with your body?

– J. Harvey

More pics (and the video) of 5 Hour Energy’s Matthew Ninaber after the BREAK:

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28 thoughts on “Quickie: Matthew Ninaber (The 5 Hour Energy Guy)

  1. i saw this last week and was drooling over this asshole. and i bet he has an asshole worth drooling over. i have since bought 2 bottles of 5 hour energy

  2. Do I sometimes drink coffee for sports performance enhancement? Heck, yeah. Do I use 5-Hour Energy or similar drinks? No. Enjoy this guy as eye candy or more all you want, but also be aware of the controversy surrounding the product he’s endorsing, using claims that are, let’s face it, pretty goofy.

    One Google hit: “Living Essentials LLC’s 5-Hour Energy was cited in 92 reports, including
    33 hospitalizations and 13 deaths, according to the data covering Jan.
    1, 2004, to Oct. 23, 2012.” http://newyork.newsday.com/news/health/5-hour-energy-monster-rockstar-cited-in-fda-report-for-deaths-hospitalizations-1.4229935

  3. I have an insta-love… ok insta-lust for this guy… especially when he refers to the next 5 hours. All I could think about (and I say it out loud every time I see this commercial) is, “The next 5 hours? Oh I hope I’m the only thing on your to-do list!”

  4. Is it just me or is J. Harv starting to sound like Dewitt. Well, it s as they say, we all look the same.

  5. Thank you for id’ing this guy. I was watching “Rehab with Dr. Drew” on Hulu and keep seeing this commercial. A Google search for “Guy in 5 hour energy ad” got me nowhere. I had to mute it after the hundredth time. I’m with you, however. Surrender the pink, Matt!

  6. Thank you for id’ing this guy. I was watching “Rehab with Dr. Drew” on Hulu and keep seeing this commercial. A Google search for “Guy in 5 hour energy ad” got me nowhere. I had to mute it after the hundredth time. I’m with you, however. Surrender the pink, Matt!

  7. Thank you thank you for this.. Like you I saw this ad so many times this weekend and tried to find out more about this hottie!!

  8. I work at a bar and this commercial came on ESPN and I stopped making the drink I was pouring to finish watching the commercial.

  9. To answer J. Harvey’s question, the douchey but tsunami award has to go to Kirk Cameron. Maybe I can’t get past my Mike Seaver crush growing up, but he has grown into a fine looking man. Every time he starts spouting his anti-gay bullshit, I just want to offer up my ass and tell him to fuck the gay out of me.

  10. And here I thought it was just me. This guy is so hot even if he plays a douche on tv. Better with the volume off. Ha

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