Priest From Illinois Forgot The Key

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I would ALMOST feel bad for Father Gimp here if the organization he works for wasn’t so dickish to me and my fellow homosexuals. Joe. My. God. posted about Father Tom Donovan, pastor of Springfield, Illinois’ St. Aloysius church, who dialed 911 after finding himself unable to get out of a pair of handcuffs. It should be noted that there is no mention of Father Tom being a student at the police academy or moonlighting as an escape artist.

“I’m going to need help getting out before this becomes a medical emergency,” Father Tom Donovan told a dispatcher who sounds a bit incredulous during the Nov. 28 call. “You’re stuck in a pair of handcuffs?” the dispatcher asks. “(I was) playing with them and I need help getting out,” Donovan responds. Donovan told the dispatcher that he was alone in the rectory.

You can listen to the call after the jump, and you may note that Father Tom also sounds like he might have a gag in his mouth? Oh dear. The next Sunday’s sermon would have been exquisite if he had been allowed to give it, but the priest was granted a leave of absence before Christmas due to the incident.

I can’t blame him. If I found myself alone and unable to get loose from whatever naughty sex game I was involved in, I would probably panic and take to the streets in my Rubber Man suit. Fuck dignity. My advice to kinky fuckers like Father Tom – always have the key on hand! Never let a stranger tie you up. And don’t be a priest if you have those sort of predilections. This would be a lot less scandalous if you weren’t wearing that collar.

If I was religious, I would so be going to hell for posting about this. Atheism is helpful.

– J. Harvey

To hear Father Tom’s soul-destroying 911 call, Follow the JUMP: