Popular Demand: The Week of Mark Ruffalo’s Penis Overshadowing Everything Else

Career strategists might advise that the “do what you love” philosophy is one of the worst ways to navigate your professional future. However, I followed my deepest passion to blog about Mark Ruffalo naked and thereby share his penis with the whole world, and months later, it paid off in the best way possible! What would those personal brand-obsessed nerds have to say about that?

You see, a little website called “BuzzFeed” linked to Ruffalo’s non-10-inch dick in a thrilling and brilliantly-titled piece of journalism: “The 14 Most Notable Celebrity Dongs“. My only logical guess is that Mark will see this list, read my ongoing love letters to his body, ditch his wife, give up the Hollywood lifestyle and move into a small, isolated SEX CABIN with yours truly. Next to our cabin, there would be an enchanted forest, and duh, he would do me regularly against the kinky SEX TREES.

(If I were Taylor Swift, this would be my fairytale… But I am not Taylor Swift, because I just took this poll, and I’m actually Jake Gyllenhaal!!! Please pause for a moment and imagine Jake Gyllenhaal having sex with Mark Ruffalo. Who’s the top? Who’s the bottom? Who’s getting a rimjob? Comment with your answers. Paint me a picture with your words. A very graphic picture.)

Now that we’ve addressed the fact that Mark Ruffalo’s penis is the best penis in existence, there really isn’t anything else to say.

I mean, should we acknowledge that Bryce Evans‘ ass is very fuckable? Should we make Aidan‘s nomination for “Hottest Cock Slut” official? Or should we just thank you for reading, commenting and sending in your tips, as we usually do at the end of these posts? Hmm, tough decision.

– Dewitt

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