“Am I the only one who thinks ‘into white guys only’ sounds just as douche-tastic as ‘not into (insert race here)’?” This was a last-minute, throwaway line in last week‘s Just The Tips entry. At the time, I wasn’t aware that it’d spark a seventy-comment debate on the topic.
There were a few thoughts I wasn’t able to articulate in the previous post, and it only seemed logical to write a follow-up. Let’s start with the whole “whites only” matter. As I understand it, the intentions of this statement are to prevent men who don’t fit your “preference” from contacting you.
I stated before that this can come off as rude and alienate an entire community, but what I didn’t mention? It can potentially turn off the men you are interested in. For clarification purposes, this isn’t just a matter of race. You can substitute the word “white” for “masculine” or “in-shape”, and there’s a chance it’ll rub people in the wrong way. Yes, even if they identify as either of those characteristics.
Hell, there’s even a danger with men who write “black guys only”. I’ve had discussions with several friends who have complained about men of different races “exotifying” them, as if they’re a token or novelty. While I could go on about this topic for days, I’d like to hear what you have to say about this. Have you ever been so put off by another’s guys restrictions that you didn’t hook up with them, even though you didn’t fall outside of them?
– Dewitt
Photo credit: Corbin Fisher
It’s just plain stupid to exclude people based on race from contacting you in your profile. Yet, on one hand I think it makes it easier to identify the assholes.
I have definitely been turned off by peoples profiles before.
When people say “no fatties” I think that’s one that turns me off the most it just makes the guy come off as a jerk whether or not I was interested in hooking up with him. To say “No fatties” or “no black guys” it’s simply rude.
Some people don’t mean to offend and I understand that, but there’s a certain way of saying it.
I once read a profile and the guy said “please know your status. I like living and would like to live for the next 60 years or so.” it was one of the rudest things I’ve ever read and I’m not even Poz
people need to read their profiles before the publish them.
There are hot and less attractive men of all races. To flat out say don’t bother contacting me if you’re XYZ race has nothing to do with preference and everything to do with ignorance.
I mean come on how can you possibly justify saying that you don’t find an entire race attractive. I have a preference for white/latino guys. Having a preference does not alienate an attraction to other races, nor would I allow it to. There have been black guys who have contacted me that have been hot as hell and I had an amazing time with.
Putting whites only in your profile just makes you look like a douche, and that’s probably because you are one. And yes, I have avoided a guy because of his restrictions even though I didn’t fall outside of them.
Sadly this is just part of a larger problem in this community that doesn’t get addressed much. Either because nobody is willing to talk about it, or everyone just assumes that because gays are a minority we don’t discriminate amongst ourselves.
assholes need lovin’ too… even if it’s really shallow >.>
As an Asian American, I don’t really think about this much anymore, simply because so many guys I’ve contacted and corresponded with write of Asians from the get-go. “No Asians” in Craigslist ads is pretty ubiquitous. On the opposite end of the spectrum there are guys who particularly like Asian guys (sometimes only them), and I don’t think about that as much as I did before, either. I figure, sometimes it’s better to be liked–whether it’s a “like” from a fetish standpoint or otherwise–than be disliked. For a hookup scenario, anyway. Would I want to be in a LTR with someone who exclusively liked Asian guys? Probably not, because then I’d simply feel like an object, not as a person (I know this from experience).
Who cares? I would rather know upfront whether your an asshole and not to even waste my time looking at your profile. Why sugar coat it?
I’ll say this: I have in my opening line that I’m HIV poz. I’ve had men contact ME, not me contacting THEM, and let me have it. Telling me I was a slut since I had HIV. Acting like they were so much better than I. Yeah, there are douchebags out there.
IMHO I think it is arragance mixed with ignorance. Everyone has their own preference in regard to race, sex etc but absolute dismissal of the race as who is simply stupid. People need to understand that we are all people and there is no any difference among us.
If someone contact me and in his profile says “blacks to the front of the line” I simply ignore him.
oops…spell police. arragance = arrogance
It’s not always a race issue either. What really gets me is usually the line “no fems”. I’ve always found myself as right in the middle. I’m not flamboyant nor am I extremely masculine. I’m just me. However, because I’m a thin guy, and happen to enjoy musicals… People often automatically assume I’m extremely fem (not that it’s a bad thing). It is a huge turn off to read that knowing they will automatically exclude me (based on photos of my small frame) it’s something they can’t possibly know until meeting me. Just fyi I also enjoy camping, hiking, swimming, being athletic… blah blah blah… can you tell that by my picture? probably not.
I hate thar! most of them will have no blacks or fats in their profile but yet they will still email me. once they learned that i am deaf, then bam, they will said never mind, etc…
Why would you want to get with someone who judged you so harshly for something as stupid as the way you’ve worded something on your profile. Next please…
I don’t think every time someone states a preference is racist . My profile states N shape & athletic only I do not dislike anybody who falls outside of my preference but I am just not sexually attracted 2 them . I have met with People ( outside of my preference ) and we had a really good time ( we still chat ) but sexually not a match . Sometimes ones profile can leave bad perception like whites or blacks only kind of reminds me of the days of Jim Crow laws N the south . U can state a preference without sounding like a racist .
Well, to be honest, it kinda is what it is. Realistically people here aren’t looking for a love connection or a date. So at the end of the day, not into black, is the same as not into bottoms. This is about what people are looking for right now. I am positive and if someone says in their profile, must be negative, I know thats not the guy for me. If I were black, I think I’d feel the same way. Thanks for makin it easy for me to look past you. I think I’d like to know that thats what a guy is thinking, he’d never say something like that out loud, so it lets me know what kinda person he is right off the bat. True I do think, not into blacks, asians, russians, peruvians, or whatever is rude, but I’d rather not waste my time with that guy anyways.
i don’t care for thing in profiles like “only into white guys” or “no asians”, or whatever. i don’t want to call it ignorant, but it’s kind of elitist, and i just don’t agree that something like a person’s race automatically bars them from being attractive.
what is most off-putting (in terms of the conversation that we’re actually having” is the inclusion of what i guess could be called subjective qualities. the “no fats, no fems” sort of thing. don’t get me wrong, i like a guy who takes care of himself, but i’m not going to present myself as having the final word on what makes a man “masculine”. that’s such an invention of society that it’s hardly a turn-on to have to wonder if i fall on the wrong side of an imaginary line for these guys.
what does it mean, anyway, “masculine guys for hook ups”? should i kill something in the forest before i come over? doesn’t the fact we’re queer in the first place challenge the idea of masculine/feminine as it is?
and i’ve said it before.
stop implying there’s a line of guys waiting to have you. i get what you’re saying, but as a mental picture, it seems kind of gross. 😛
Hey everyone. I’m a black guy living in Utah. Often I get the Whites only card. I find it stupid and not needed. what infuriates me more is the aspect of being used or paraded around because I’m am black. The first thing that comes out of there mouth is you must have a huge dick. Really? You don’t find that a stupid stereo typical comment at all? If you are gonna hook up with me, do it because you are horny and I can very greatly fulfill your needs. Nit because i’m some mystical being that you think has an elephant trunk between his legs.
Being black, is more than just a race thing. This “exotifying” aspect plays a huge role, even in the Black gay community. Being black, and not a “thug” as so many guys prefer their “exotified” black man to be, is hard. I’ve grown up in White America, lived in suburbia. I’m far from a “thug”. But it seems that they only guys I meet/chat are only interested in this “thug” stereotype.
Most guys who state “blacks only”, are looking for someone to be rough/thuggish, someone they can call derogatory names. Not kosher.
For me it’s a double whammy. Some guys won’t hook up with me because I’m Latino. Others won’t because I’m uncut. I really hate those ads that say “cut cocks only.”
I know it’s a personal preference, but seriously? You won’t play with me because of some foreskin?
Stop being so judgmental and close-minded.
As i’m reading through these comments, I agree with most of you but what I find interesting is the fact that everyone is sugar-coating what’s really going on when someone specifies “whites only” or “no asians” . . . these specifiers are not “preferences” they’re downright RACIST and it seems like everyone is afraid to call it what it is. The bottom line is that anyone who has a racial preference is exuding racism whether they mean to or not. Don’t give me that bull that I feel “more comfortable” with someone my own race because that’s a crock of shit and an excuse for people to not make the effort to get to know people who look different from them but may be awesome.
And the same goes for people who put “Blacks to the front of the line” in their profiles. While I would not call these folks racist per se, it is pretty clear that they have some exotified view of a particular racial group. Do I think that’s totally wrong? No. But don’t be so forthcoming about your exotic preferences.
i think of guys who say these things as being rude, brash, and blinded by their white/masculine privelige. regardless of whether i fit into their mold, i feel like i know this is someone i couldn’t stand to be around. we’re entitled to our preferences, sure, but to be so blunt about it screams, “i’m a caveman with no home training.”
I guess we’ve all become sexists too. Hypocrites much?
I’ll just refer to my comments from part one of this post.
…especially since I’m African American and I hooked up with a white guy two nights ago.
The issue of racism, elitist behavior and self-gay hate all seem to come to the forefront on hookup sites. It can really show the ugly side of the gay community. The things people say on their profiles and the way they respond to others can really reflect some of the worst behavior. I had a friend who is in his 40’s who was online and received a message from someone he didn’t even directly contact. This guy’s message said “You’re too old and ugly to be here. Go troll the streets.” This kind of ugliness is why people outside the community start to care less and less about the gays and their political and health issues.
If you’re looking for a hot guy that you think you might have chemistry with, there’s nicer ways to get your message across rather than being rude and non-inclusive. I “love” the guys who think if a guy is muscular, then he must be masculine only to find out he’s got lots of feminine traits. Or the guy who sees a hot pic, has great conversation to hook up only to discover the pic was taken 10 years ago. The bottom line is to represent yourself in the best possible manner. Learn to make courteous remarks when replying. Stop stereotyping certain groups because of what porn fantasies have displayed. Remember that everyone on the site is looking for same thing you are and you should treat them the way you want to be treated. Maybe you will get truly lucky.
i might jump in eventually.
i’ll see how these comments continue fleshing out.
i think you should emphasize what you like or who turns you on in your blurb e.g i especially like guys of arabian descent or i love bald guys with foreskin and hairy chests. you shouldn’t highlight what you dont like at all. Once someone makes contact with you you can politely refuse if they dont fit your bill or ignore them all together
A common thread I read in the above posts is that other’s preferences are exotic only when they differ from one’s own and, more disturbingly, that a sexual preference is choice. I do not believe what attracts us sexually is any more a choice than who attracts us sexually. Have any one of us had the opportunity to choose whom we love or for whom we lust? If so, consider yourself extremely lucky.
Be that as it may, ManHunt is for man hunting, so it stands to reason that sexual proclivities would be stated in some manner. HOW we state said appetites can be both poison and porridge dependent simply upon a reader’s inference. Do we have the right to police the written word? Where do we draw the line between what is incendiary and what is appeasing? Seriously, where? I wish I knew. I wish that by implication no Person was ever called less-than, unacceptable, diseased, wrong, or any of the myriad adjectives thrown about. But, clumsiness of words happens as often as clumsiness of foot.
At the end of the day, we all enjoy what we enjoy—vanilla ice cream or chocolate; spicy Szechuan or Mom’s meat loaf; diet Coke or regular. Let’s appreciate all our differences AND the men they attract. At the same time, let us be realistic in assessing the power of the written word to really piss people off—sometimes intentionally; sometimes not. I choose to believe that in the case of the majority of profile writers, it is purely accidental. How do you view the efforts of men like you?
I have to agree with orion,, being slim and blond..I get the ‘fem’ issue often. and it pisses me off… I too know how to handle a drill, electric that is,,lol.
Just to say Dewett, try and read your blog every day,, love it..
I’m gay and not attracted to women, so if I were to put “NO WOMEN” in my profiles does that mean women everywhere will burn me in effigy?
People are attracted to what they are attracted to and people know what they don’t like. Why beat around the bush? Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
If you are not attracted to black / African American men, then say so.
If you only want to hook-up with muscled gym bunnies then say so.
If you are only attracted to married, transvestite men who only dress-up in purple or green polka dotted panties… then just say so.
GEESH! Since when is it rude or insulting to state what you want or what your preferences are?
If I go to my favorite steak restaurant and tell them I want my filet cooked so well done that it’s a burnt hockey puck… does that mean I’m insulting those people who only eat steak medium rare?
lol isn’t there anything better to argue about then whats on online sex profiles, really?
…after reading all the comments, i must say it would be very nice to be straight
gays are way to much drama ….
this argument is based on what people say and how they say it …..get over the guy that turned you down…it happens
people are assholes
what i find funny is gay people go out of their way to argue on an issue like this , but when a couple is fighting for their adopted kid or marriage license no one else is to be found
its not what people put on their profile that gives gay guys a bad rap ….its the people
finally it really doesn’t matter what you put in your profile , at least from what ive found ….in fact it would be interesting to see how many guys message you even when they fit into one of the ‘do not’ categories you so bluntly listed
IN FACT a guy has probably bluntly listed “no so n so” or what not because after nicely turning people down and nicely listing in their profiles what they are into…gay guys ignore it
ARE WE REALLY SUPRISED THAT GAY GUYS ARE BLUNT? and in reality need to be
Maybe not a popular response, but if we are going to take our meeting opportunities out of the real world and online, then stating what you like or don’t like doesn’t seem all that off. It doesn’t have to be racist or bigoted, although sometimes it could be, but just a way of telling someone to move on. Is turning away from someone in a bar or club because you aren’t interested all that different? We’re big boys here and we’re easily offended, then move on to a profile that suits you. I don’t always like reading, no one over 30, but at the same time, I’d rather read it and move on than waste my time.
Sleeping with men only doesn’t make you a sexist. Having a (reasonable) age range in your “looking for” doesn’t make you an ageist. Having a racial preference in sexual relationships doesn’t make you a racist. Having such preferences is not rude or stupid, it’s a common occurrence. Not talking about it will not make it disappear.
I am Asian and have been at the receiving end of both “no Asian” and “Asian only.” I myself have a virtually exclusive preference of white men. I have been with men of other races, it just didn’t work for me. I have a lot of friends, gay and straight, men and women, who have strong racial preferences for dating. I don’t think they are racists.
What DOES make it rude is how one delivers the message. I don’t see any problem with “I am only attracted to white men, no offense to others.” On the other hand, “no Asians no blacks” sounds cold and alienating. The worst is something like “no Asians, fatties and uglies” and I’ve seen that multiple times.
I state my racial preference (and the age range I’m looking for) in my profile, and I appreciate men who do the same in a polite manner. It helps both sides to avoid wasting time. In fact, I prefer dating sites where everyone can indicate the races they are open to dating. That helps me avoid wasting time contacting men who are not interested in dating Asians.
Who cares about race, age, body type…I don’t but sadly when you read a lot of profiles, there far too may assholes out there that do. To totally exclude groups of people just because you aren’t into them is totally stupid and hypocritical. It shows a total lack of respect for people and an astounding amount of ignorance. I know everyone has their own tastes and standards, but, the least people can do is tactfully say it or like has been mentioned before leave it out and just concentrate on what you like. When I view a profile that has a whole list of exclusions on it I just move on due to that person isn’t worth my time.
Join eHarmony, match.com, or some other website so they can help you sort out all of your emotions. I’m sure the females find it highly disrespectful, sexist, and ignorant on your behalf for joining a basically men only hook up site and excluding them. (end sarcasm)
While people might be, sadly, looking for the loves of their lives on this site, this is MANHUNT. It’s time to realize what kind of website you’re on. I find more respect in people who are straight forward with what they want than emotional wrecks who can’t handle a few words and scream racist at the first site of a listed preference.
Lets face it – most of us here are hooking up for a physical experience so it makes sense that you’d do it with someone you were attracted to. I think a profile sounds a whole lot better though, when you state the things you are looking for as opposed to those you’re not.
Profiles that specify which races should contact them just sound arrogant. Who do these guys think they are? Is their time so precious, they can’t spend any of it filtering through profiles of people who think they’re rather decent and consequently took the time to message them, and simply replying with a “no thanks”.
Take a reality check mates.
I don’t really feel like reading every comment… I think it is just a little insensitive. It is easy enough to just ignore messages you get from people you are not into, so it’s unnecessary… (and not very smart)
it is just plain stuip and rude to exclude a certain group – if you dont want to be with someome tell them in a nice way no thank you. i have been with several nice black and fat guy, and i may add that they were great
Damn, “dave” sounds just like the type of guy is post is for. As a openly gay black men who love to top, I pretty much see what happens first hand dealing with this since I live in detroit. Race plays a big and sad part since black men are pretty much just sexual objects or a means to get drugs. I would consider matterisms wise myself more half and half. I workout, do martial arts, and I’m creative, I sing, I wear a mohawk, I don’t dress like a thug. With men here as small minded as they are if you are black then you better be a buff straight acting, sexually verbal abusive top, or a closeted thug. You think to yourself “most of these white boys are just trying to fulfill their racist ass sick fantasies”, and trust me I’ve heard some white bottoms ask me to call them racist names in bed, which is a complete turn off for me, to them when you say I date outside my age, they automatically assume “White”, like I’d never want latino, or asian or anything else. I do get it about “In Shape” or “Age” since I state what I like in my profile- but I tell people as far as friends I’m pretty open to whatever, I try not to be cold about it, either way the guys that aren’t my type apply anyway because they think that I’ll be desparate enough to fuck them. If I see “straight acting” or “white boys only” or whatever I just ignore them, most of it as just ignorance or generalizing what they have experienced or being around. People think just because we’re gay that we are so open to everything and that is NOT the case. Guys would open their minds more before prejudging people and putting people into one category. And realize that the shit that they see in porn is fantasy, and real people will never fit into whatever fake stereotypes you have for them..
Just block the profiles that don’t appeal to you. Easier. Done.
Some guys can’t seem to grasp the basic concept that this isn’t about the validity of their preferences, but rather about the manner in which they express their preferences. For example, “I generally prefer white and Latino guys” is a nicer and more civilized way of stating a racial/ethnic preference than is “No blacks, no Asians.” Likewise “For sex I prefer other HIV-negative guys” is nicer than saying “No poz guys.”
http://www.sexualracismsux.com
To answer the initial question of the post, I’m bothered by profiles that state “whites only” or “no blacks” or “no Asians”-it portrays you as closed minded. I’m not so offended when you state a preference for a particular race. That wording demonstrates something that you like without being derogatory toward a particular group. And no I don’t think this is racist just racial.
I run into the “I’m not normally attracted to black guys but you’re hot” comment all the time. That is tantamount to saying “I don’t normally like black people but you’re different.” That is equally offensive and it means you’re putting my race before my sparkling personality. Again not racist.
By the same token when you state an exclusive preference for a different race you’re objectifying a particular group. I run into this all the time and will not hook up with anyone that says blacks only. In my city, when I go to majority white bars I get those that won’t approach me when their friends are around but when they get me alone tentacles crop out.
This is Manhunt so people need to get their point across quickly but doesn’t mean they can’t still be courteous.
Does it not just boil down to a matter of preferance? Who you want to have sex with is your own business. I happen to be one of those people who only have sex with white guys; but I dont discriminate when it comes to people im friends with.
i say why limit yourself. variety is the spice of life afterall 🙂 interracial sex is totally hot
When it comes yo tastes and preferences everything seems to be a lilttle bit rube. Mostly because you are rejecting certain types of people. Bua I see as a natural way to find someone you may identify with.
In my experience I´ve gone out with different colors height behavious insterests and the diversity can be such an adventurous manner to find not the perfect but the most compatible partner.
I find it much more offensive for someone to delete an email without even reading it than to just go ahead and list your preferences on your profile.
Next on the list of offensive behavior? Men over 40 who have profiles saying that they ONLY consider men UNDER 40
Last on the list? Men who list their age as 99.
This is a matter of preference not race of what sounds nice and what does not! I am white and not into black men or asians so I would have to state that in order for me to keep black men (since it’s NYC) from emailing me so that i don’t waste their time and the other way around.
I’m a nice guy but I’m also direct and know what I like. I have black friends and I get along well with them and have no problem with other races. Why don’t you look from their own perspective. How many black woman is married or have a white bf in NYC?? you see very few…They prefer their own kind just like us. Thanks
While I understand that everyone has their preferences (mine happen to be quite varied ;)), there really is no reason to even really put it in your profile for the very reason that there people who you offend who you’d otherwise be matched with. The flipside of that is the more deeply seeded racists rarely advertise it in their profiles and I’d rather know aboutBesides that upfront so I can avoid them, even if I am their ideal. In any case, even for members with limited access, you can delete messages without reading them. When I see someone delete a message without reading it I assume we wouldn’t be a match and they either have limited responses so they can’t send a “sorry, not interested” message or they simply can’t be bothered. I don’t take it personally in any way. People are entirely too irrational. Though, I find it hard to make rational decisions when my dicks a-throbbin too!
I think it should be said something like:
I prefer white guys.
I don’t think you’re a douche bag for saying “no fatties” or “whites only.” I’ve posted on CL before, and have had some extremely persistent men continually email me to the point of having to block them even after I said no, I’m not interested.
Yeah, it’s a rude way to say it, but sometimes you have to be blunt upfront to get the point across. The only problem with phrases like that is…who determines what fat is? or how white are you? That can only be determined by the guy that posted the ad.
Persistence leads to ads like that. By the way, I’m a “large” hispanic. I just know to pass up an ad that doesnt seem appealing. Saves us both time.
The ads that bother are me are the ones that say “I’m not shallow, but…” There shouldn’t be a “but” if you’re not shallow.
Taken at face value, comments about preference are only that. Comments are as diverse as the authors who write and the audiences who read. Is it usually the person who reads into/beyond what is there with the chip on their sholder? Let’s get Chip in bed instead!
I’m a black guy who used to take umbrage at the “no blacks” restrictions; but then I responded to a couple of ads and got the blistering “I do f&@$ n******!” response.
I’d then calmly re-read the ads. Sure enough, no racial restrictions mentioned.
The restrictions may strike us as evil, but I’d rather see the racist heading my direction.
I guess I’ve never understood the idea that saying that you’re not attracted to blacks (or whites, or any other particular ethnic group) means you must be racist. That’s like saying that you’re racist if you prefer guys with black hair to guys with red hair, or if you prefer bears to muscle studs. It’s not like we get to control what turns us on. I’ve honestly never met a black guy who got me going, even though I can look at one and say “he’s really handsome”. Not being attracted to a person doesn’t mean you think they are subhuman or don’t deserve to have the same rights that you do. It just means that there’s something about their features or skin color or build or whatever that doesn’t do it for you.
The world is full of assholes , so get over it, most people need to grow some thicker skin. Just the way some people don’t like what people put in their profiles , everyone gets all in a tweeter over any comment not in the NEW WORLD POLICTICAL CORRECTNESS DICTIONARY, which is killing our country by the way. If Someone writes something I don’t like, I say fuck em and move on to the next little fishy in the sea.
As some people may be offended by someone saying what they like or dislike or their Hiv status ,I admire those people for at least being upfront and honest about who and what they are, rather then dealing with a complete liar on the personel front.
If some one works hard on their bodies to keep it fit , then if that’s what they want,instead of fat coach potatoe good for them, and if some says they are HIV Postive good for them for being honest and maybe helping to prevent the spread of a killer disease, rather then someone who lies about everything,including they HIV status ,those are the real assholes.
If your lack of self esteem prevents you from hearing or reading the truth ,tthen get some help.
I don’t bother putting restrictions in my profile. It limits the pool of possible friends. Not to mention, if there just isn’t any chemistry or attraction, I’ll be upfront about it. If it hurts their feelings, sorry. I don’t understand how so many guys get their knickers in a twist over it. It’s nothing personal. Douche-baggery at it’s worst perhaps, but would you rather contact them and get told to fuck off without explanation?
I don’t like when people call me papi and assume Spanish is my first or second language just because I have the Latino box checked…
nobody’s daddy here, and if u must know, Portuguese is my first language.. would rather have “Latin” or “Iberian” as an option, but that is not the case with MH…
it is not a matter of growing a thick skin, rather it is wanting to be seen and known for whom u r, and not by the statistics and categories someone else decided to create….
cheers!
It doesn’t make you a racist Bohemond, but at the best it makes you a shallow douchebag. I never understood how people could write off entire aspects of people (no red heads, no blacks,ect.) without seeing every red head or every black/white/asian/ect. person. It’s just stupid. People are so close minded, but yet we don’t understand when people are close minded to us!
To Bohemond
You said – “I’ve honestly never met a black guy who got me going”, I hope you intend you never met a black guy “in person” who got you going, cause there are ton of hot black men out there that I never “met” until I out out of my (mostly) all white town I grew up in. As a white guy I had to leave that small town to find out there is world of hot men of ALL different races!!
So maybe people who talk like you need to get out of your small world and “met” some different men who don’t look like you and then comment of who you have “met”!
Interesting insight. I too, being of Latin descent, am wary of guys who only like me for my ethnicity and race. Thumbs up for the debate.
I think it’s only “racist” if you are a (white black Asian Latino ect) guy who state’s in their profile that they are “only” into their own race of men only, meaning a black guy saying he is only into other blk men.
If you are a white male that only likes blk men, and put’s that statement in his profile, it show you are far from being a “racist”!
Hey everyone.
This topic hits me everytime. I am biracial, or mixed raced (part white, and part black) Sometimes I feel as if i have the best of both “worlds” and some people see it but some people don’t. Have black guys come up to me and say “your to light” and I have white guys not pay attention to me because i dont have blond hair and blue eyes. It’s been like this since I could remember. I like all races. there are hotties in all races, and their are not so hot guys too. are people closed minded for only liking one thing? I remeber looking at profiles saying “sorry. white guys only” and “im half wite…” and i go to profiles and they say “into black studs” and I say “I’m have black…” I have people comment saying, “hey i like hyspanic guys, ur hot” and I tell them. hahah thanks but im not hyspanic. im half white half black” and they dont comment back to me. Sitting on both sides of the fence when it comes to races, it hurts alot. If i was straight, this wouldnt be an issues. in my experience, girls don’t look at skin color as much as guy do, and it makes me sick. I know for a fact that I am attractive. but because i get beat down by things like this, when someone actually sees me for who I am, i dont have confidence in myself. I start to doubt. Its whatever. I am 22 and I am biracial. I have the of both, and i know this for a fact. some people don’t see it, but there are guys out their that do (like my love interest :P). I asked him the question if he perefered one thing over another. he said “yes. i prefer hot guys over non hot guys and i would trade my ‘male beyonce’ for the world” HAHA I know there is alot but thanks for reading. I am glad that I am know the only one here that thinks about this.
double post. i ment to say I wouldnt trade
I think all types of racial preferences are annoying. On one hand, a bunch of people are rejecting you before they even meet you, and on the other, I’m going through a bunch of profiles because they specifically list they are interested in Asians so I know they might answer back. I’m sure the majority of people on this site are here for pure skin, so I understand that all they want is the physical turn-on. I’m already minority in a community of minorities…and I get another layer of minority treatment. The only category I filter on is top and size, because I ain’t gonna be split in two! I’ve been with black/white/asian/latino/etc…some hot guys in all categories! Sometimes I think porn is the reason for people’s preferences. All the Asian porn I’ve seen is unappealing to me – gangly sex worker boys from Thailand and pale starving Japanese boys with extreme fetishes. So many people are affected by the media and what defines sexy.
Um, if the reason for the hook up is sex, then having body-shape preferences is perfectly normal. Different people like different bodyshapes, there’s nothing prejudiced about having preferences and sticking to them. DUH.
I think, personally, that the word “racist” is overused! Bohemond said nothing wrong. If he’s not turned on by black men, he’s not. End of story. Racism would be if he stated that he hated black men. But he didn’t. This “political correctness” is smothering, to say the least.
Thank you, Mr. Can’t Wait On Anyone for sparing us your remarks!
some of you get it.
some of you don’t.
i am sorry that “Political Correctness” has been taken waaay out of its original context.
both by the people who just want to continue saying shitty bigoted things and by the people who are.. ..well… …Too Sensitive.
i am sorry that “racism” has been taken waaay out of its original context.
both by the people who just want to continue to indulge their ignorance and by the people who.. ..well… …are Too Sensitive.
so, Tammy, it seems thus far that no one here has cared enough to get behind your campaign to silence/discredit me; and i also see you’re now attempting some sort of psycho-pathological tactic, with this “us” business.
that won’t work on me.
and it’s easy to preach to one’s own choir.
i’m curious to know what kind of “remarks” you figured i’d make. (let’s see how well you know this Saint.)
or will you continue to show me that you’re nothing more than petty taunts, superficial rebuttals, and cheesy, transparent mind games?
I guess the reason people feel it racist is because, not that long ago there were signs saying that blacks couldn’t use this. Or this is only for whites. Now, let’s be honest. If you walked up to a location right now today and saw a sign saying for Straight people only. Man! The Rainbow Flags would be raised high. Ellen would be the spokes person and deliver a speach that would last in the hearts of millions for years to come. But remember people. It’s about personal taste. Have thicker skin people. When people base something on the color of someones skin. Isn’t that racism? You can call it personal taste or whatever. But look it up. People are fighting right now over people excepting gays. But a lot of these same gays turn their noses up to people of color. If you want to be excepted then first except. I guess to sum it up. First be honest with yourself. Your a racist. And thats ok. (It’s all about personal taste) But when I see a white guy that tans way to much put in their MH post no blacks. I find myself thinking. Damn your almost as dark as some of my black friends. Get your life right and be true to yourself. Racist!
Saint,
I was only referring to your post saying that you were going to see where this goes before jumping in. I got to thinking last night that I’ve been really, really tough on you, and for that I want to apologize. Sincerely. You have every right to post on here just as much as I do. So, I’m going to leave you alone now. If we happen to agree on something, I’m sure I’ll say that we agree, if we don’t, I’ll just say my point of view and move on. I hate conflict, and I think I’ll stop now.
Good luck to you, Saint Impatience.
People shouldn’t feel compelled to lie about what they like, however, some preferences just don’t make sense because they seem so unspecific.
To say you aren’t attracted to “African Americans” or “Asians” is not the same thing as saying you don’t like Redheads (if the issue is the hair color and not the rest of them). The one common feature all Redheads have is the red hair (even if they differ in shade). So if Red Hair is a deal breaker, the rest of what they look like or are like doesn’t matter.
However, “Asians” isn’t a specific look or skin type or set of features. Many Asians have almond shamed eyes (but not all). Many have light skin and dark hair but not even most.
There are 6′ Japanese men who are muscular and 5′ Japanese men of slight build. There are dark-skinned Asians and Light-skinned Asians (even within the same ethnicity or nationality such as Chinese or Indian)
There are born and bred Norwegians who look like they are from Taiwan and have for centuries and Norwegians who are Blond and Blue Eyed.
I guess my point is, obviously certain folks have something very specific in mind when they say “I’m not attracted to Black men” But unless they are specific about the particular features they don’t want (thick lip? super curly or “nappy” hair?, whatever) they are ruling out an extremely diverse category of men who from one end of the spectrum of being Black to the other might be radically different in appearance, build, personality, etc.
It’s the oversimplification of the statement that makes it FEEL racist. It’s treating All Black Men as if they are interchangeable and indistinguishable which not only robs them of their individuality from a physical attributes perspective but also from a personality perspective.
I think to say preference of a skin color is a cop out. Skin color is just that, skin color, every other body part of a man is just a man. Its because we have allowed several assumptions of that persons personality, mental, physical, economic state and so on, to affect our perceptions of that skin color. And why is it that these assumptions are always placed on the men of color but not on so called white men? “Oh, black men are…(insert latino, asian etc)”
Can someone give me a “real” explanation of how skin color is the same as race, ethnicity, nationality, even creed and language group. NO! I don’t think you can. It is because it is so much easier to not think of these things and scream racism or feel defensive, but there is a reason why many people feel the gay community if so fractured when it comes to this subject.
Dewitt, seems like you might have to post a part three on this topic.
Articles like this always bring out this ugly subject that people never really have faced directly in the gay community. There is so much racism from white gay males to people of color all over the country, and the worst part about it is that so many don’t realize their own behavior. For example, There are two bars in West Hollywood that are adjacent to each other. When you see on a Sunday afternoon at one bar there are a number of men of color hanging out with a nice mix of people and next door at the other bar that is filled with Abercrombie clad white men who don’t even make an attempt to go to the adjacent bar, (even if there are drink specials) it’s a truly sad reflection of the community. It’s subtle unconscious behavior such as this that can lead to negative socialization within the community. Until the gay community can be more open and inclusive to others within (yes, I’m talking to you white gay males mostly from the midwest and south–and you know who you are!!), the community as a whole can’t move ahead with issues such as securing their fundemental rights and freedoms we are all entitled.
Touche Pickles and very well said.
Ronnie, it’s not that cut and dry. Being from the south, I can see that ignorance is everywhere. Being educated and raised around diversity I can realize that skin/eye/hair color is all irrelevant when it come to attractiveness, but I can’t hold everyone to that principle! Some people are ignorant because they don’t know any better, and some are just ignorant to be ignorant, which is their prerogative. Sure it seems stupid to us but we can’t condemn them for their “preferences.” Maybe one day people will look at people rather than race/eye color/skin color/hair color.
Ronnie, you are racist in the very fact that you said it belongs only to white people! That’s not so! It can come from EVERY race! Ignorance!
I wouldn’t say that Ronnie is a racist. I totally understood where he or she was coming from. We have a bar here called the Gay 90’s. Very diverse. Gay, straight, black, white, Asian, Mexican. Come one come all type of attitude. Then you go a few blocks down to The Saloon and it’s almost all white dudes. Unless it’s Hispanic night. They wont hire any Go-Go boys unless he’s white. Or, during special situations when it’s “OK” to be black. When being a “Black man” is in season. I was told by a few Go-Go boys from the 90’s (Men of color) that they tried getting little part-time gigs there and was told. They weren’t in demand so thanks but no thanks. And they are very much handsome men!
Wake up people.
The sad reality is that no matter what. People look at being white is the image of beauty. (Unless they have the I love black cock syndrome) But I think it’s our fault as people of color. Putting all those chemicals in our hair. Dying it blond or whatever. Putting crazy ass colored contacts in our eyes. Trying to become as white as possible. We are all beautiful! But until we start embracing our own natural beauty. Why would anyone else? It’s time to pull our the Hair Picks boys and pick out your Afros!
No! It applies to ALL races! Not just the white race! Don’t put it all on the white race. I’ve had several, and I mean several black men tell me they wouldn’t do me cause they wanted just black men. So don’t say it’s all white!
Tam,
As a white male, I was just showing an example of the behavior that I have observed myself. Yes, racism can come from any direction, but I was giving an example of the behaviors I have personally observed.
Understood. And I would agree with you on your observations. Why I called him racist is because he blatantly said that it was a white people problem. That’s a racist comment if we are to consider saying that I don’t want a black person a racist statement. It’s just as racist for him to say that as it is for white people to say all black people are unattractive. That’s all I was saying.
I think that this is a good example of knowing how to “choose your words wisely”, which I try to make sure I do. Everyone has preferences. There’s nothing wrong with that. Not wanting to hook up with someone of a different race is not prejudice. It has to do with who you are attracted to visually, romantically & sexually. I’ll admit that I’m mostly attracted only to guys of my own race. But it doesn’t make me a bigot. I grew up with, played with & went to school with African-Americans & Native Americans. I even have Native American ancestry myself. But I’ve never really been attracted to any other race of guy besides Caucasian. It doesn’t mean I haven’t had the chance or actually had sex with a guy of a different race, however. About 8 years ago, I had a 6=month torrid fuck-buddy affair with a Hispanic guy, but in general, I’m not really attracted to Hispanics. Heck, I’m even picky about the Caucasian guys that really turn me on. I love beautiful eyes. And if they belong to a hot redhead, strawberry blond or blondish guy, I can cum from a single pic. Yeah, other guys can turn me on, too, depending on their body, their dick, etc., but I tend to prefer my opposite. So, for me, the ultimate turn-on is a hot redheaded or strawberry blond muscle guy with a pale complexion & long dick (with matching carpet) & a cute bubble butt.
If I place an online ad for a hook-up (not that any of mine actually get results), I try to be very tactful about my preferences. I see some ads that appear to be rude. If I see an ad like that, I know I wouldn’t be interested in the guy anyway. I don’t care for the crude or rude, whatever their race or preferences. I see all sorts of variations in online ads. I’m 51 years old, so most of the ads I see are immediately prejudiced against me. I consider it to be their loss. But I also understand. Most guys my age don’t try to take care of themselves, especially if they’re bi or new to the “m4m” thing. I don’t want to hook up with them, either…ha!
But what I see lately in online ads are guys who hide who they really are, thinking that if won’t matter. I see just as many guys running ads who don’t disclose their race, their age, single or relationship status, STD status, weight status, etc. I’m not saying you have to be minute in the details, but geesh, at least give people an idea of what you look like so they can make an informed decision of whether or not they might be physically attracted to you. Better yet, have the balls to put up a pic. After all, that’s what it’s primarily about, anyway. And if you don’t understand that, you don’t need to be online looking for dates, hookups or anything else. I mean, really, now. Do you really think you can just show up for a hookup or date & expect to get laid when you turn out to be nothing like you’ve made yourself out to be? And frankly, any guy who agrees to meet you, sight & stats unseen, is just as stupid (and yes, I’ve been there, done that & learned my lesson!). However, some guys feel that if someone isn’t attracted to them or doesn’t want to have sex with a guy of another race, the guy must be a racist. You aren’t owed a free fuck from anyone you want. Grow up! Heck! I’ve had as much sex in the last 30 years as most men have had in the last 6 months. So, if anyone’s owed a lifetime supply of free fucks from anyone of choice, it ought to be me! But since I’ve got my own set of preferences, I doubt if that offer would get used that much!
Guys just need to understand that everyone has different likes & dislikes. Don’t try to force someone else to be like you & don’t blame them for their preferences. If someone offends you because of what they say or write or do…don’t have anything else to do with them. Move on. The time you waste fuming over the reasons someone might not like you or want to have sex with you is time you could be finding a hot hookup who leaves you wanting more or finding someone who falls hopelessly in love with you.
im new to manhunt, haven’t even filled in my profile. im a ‘hienz 57’ bisexual in a long term mmf relationship. our race hasn’t ever come up, my bf is phillipino french who people called chin’dian when he was growing up, my wife is a redheaded white woman. honestly, i get shunned, talked down to and about, and ‘a minority in a minority’ all because when i came out to my wife, she understood and we both fell in love with our man. if i had two girlfriends, or two boyfriends, no-one would care, but a ‘fence sitter’ is picked out and talked down about by everyone. i march at the parades, speak up for the rights of gay men and women to do what they will behind their closed doors… or right out in the park or mall if it’s not pornographic or overdoing it. how is it that after 30 years of living in terror about the thought of being gay to out of the closet and trying to be proud of who i am while the community who inspired me whispers behind me. you know who you are. say your piece now please
as for race, looks, sexual preferences, ect…. if a persons racist views dictate who they sleep with, im not fucking them, why is it my business? if he feels the need to broadcast his racist views, people will recognize a biggot. if he tries to enforce or force his views… i think they will find out haw inferior they are… racism IS the minority. who people fuck is a matter of preference, whether race, musician or artist, brainiac, geek gamer, or a kkk member with a token black wife and a closet boyfriend who likes to shit on his chest, not my business unless i make it my business, and the wisest of us would mind our own.
i love you all, you inspire me.
fyi, isn’t gay straight a way of excluding half our human population from the possible intellectual and spiritual partners we could fall in love with? i choose to see people. race, social standing, narcissistic beauty, religious belief, nonsense. don’t take that wrong, religious beliefs are important, but they don’t dictate attractiveness
I completely agree with this post. I basically completely ignore any profiles that state a race-preference. I’m white, but I just can’t understand how someone could even honestly say, “I’m not attracted to asian guys” or whatever. There’s definitely an underlying racism that needs to be examined because there is such a diversity within every race and I can’t imagine that someone could, solely based on looks, not be attracted to any black guy, latino guy, or indian guy. It just doesn’t make sense. There’s definitely something else to it.
My biggest pet peeve, though, is the masc. thing. This American Life did a podcast on Sissies, and it addressed the issue so well. I feel like identifying as masculine and requiring that potential hook-ups do so as well is an attempt to down-play your gayness. I mean, I can understand that you want a guy with nice pecs and a deep voice or something, but I feel like it’s the same thing as saying you want someone who is straight-acting. I’d much rather be with someone who is confident in who they are and can balance their sexual identity than someone who is overly concerned with acting like a man. Haha, idk… I’ll end my rant.
I have to say it is a massive turn off when people post messages about what they’re not into. It does indeed make me ask that if I were to meet them would they be appreciating me for who I am or just because I fit into their selection criteria?
Check your egos, please !
Everyone has their preferences !!!
I don’t like heteros, women or scat or w/s or s/m or etc., etc, etc… !!!
Jeez, Move on !!!