Just Say No To Toe Shoes

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Though it might sound like it based on the name alone, Vibram Five Fingers are not a sex toy. They've apparently been around for years now, and have even been deemed one of the "Best Inventions of 2007" by TIME Magazine. We know Crocs are (thankfully) dead, but is this really the best alternative?

A co-worker alerted me this morning that he witnessed several people wearing these atrocities as everyday footwear. And they were doing it innocently, with no hint of irony. What would motivate them to do such a thing? It's impossible to say. 

Actually, it's not. Apparently these "toe shoes" improve your balance, agility and proprioception, so naive consumers are drawn in by the health benefits. From our point of view, we wouldn't wear these things even if they prevented cancer or gave us eternal life. We urge you to ban together to stop this trend from spreading. It's like Swine Flu, but worse!

– Dewitt

17 thoughts on “Just Say No To Toe Shoes

  1. My boyfriend has a pair of these, and I’m seriously considering revoking his gay card. Cause no gay man is his right mind would wear these right?

  2. lol this article is so backwards about the real use of the shoes and why they were made. The shoes were made specifically for running use. And, as someone that actually uses the shoes as his running shoes, they are much better to run in compared to the classic New Balance running shoes. My calves and thighs are more toned from simply running with these shoes without having to do extra weighting lifting in the gym.
    WIRED magazine has the real scoop on these shoes for anyone who really wants to know what the FiveFingers shoes are all about.
    http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/07/barefoot/

  3. CaliboiK, I’m fine with people using these dastardly things for running shoes, but the whole point of this post is that guys are actually wearing these CASUALLY. They’re going beyond the intended athletic purpose, and we’re so not okay with that.

  4. HA HA…This guy @ my gym always wears them to run on the treadmill…When I first saw him I thought he was running bare foot. They look awful!

  5. Guys-These shoes are not just a running shoe.The point of them is to allow you to walk or run as if you were barefoot.I own 6 pair and wear them all the time in different situations.They sit in my closet next to everything from sneakers to English custom bench made shoes.Like so many things in life it’s not how they look but what they do that counts.Too bad it matters too much to you,you are missing out on a great thing.

  6. They look atrocious, but they are AMAZING as running shoes–it’s like being barefoot, only less dangerous and more comfortable. On the other hand, people who wear these as an everyday shoe? Ugh. Fail.

  7. Good lord I guess I’m not really gay, because I can’t understand why anyone would need 6 pairs of the same style shoe! Do you have a Jerri Blank like problem with overspending and have to have the same dress in beige, in ivory, in off white? I just don’t get gay men and shoes. I have ONE pair of dressy shoes for work/going out, ONE pair of sneakers and ONE pair of sandals. That’s it. I guess I should probably give it up and go join the Westboro Baptist Church or something.

  8. matty: please do, they would LOVE your so-not-gay limited shoe collection. I mean, you must be THE HOTTEST most MASCULINE man EVER for just having 3 sets of shoes. Take me now.
    VFFs are great for running. They are better than actual “running shoes.” I have a pair of VFF KSOs and they are fantastic. I recommend them to every runner. They are also great for kayaking, rafting, wearing around the rock gym, and doing yoga. They are leaps and bounds healthier for you than regular shoes, and everyone who goes “OMGZ THEY ARE GROSSZORS” needs a dick in their butt. Read an article about health, get some exercise, and stop criticizing people for trying to be healthier at the expense of your finely gay-tuned stereotypical “fashion sense.”

  9. I agree with Andre. But I’ll put it more simply. You don’t like them for whatever reason, then don’t f**king buy them or wear them.
    And if anyone ever tries to tell me what to put (or not put) on MY feet better be prepared to pull said foot out of his ass.

  10. Awesome, let’s get on the “deny people the freedom of choice in their lifestyle” bandwagon cause we don’t already have enough issues in the gay community. Don’t like em? DON’T FUCKING WEAR THEM!
    You’d get mad if someone said that about an aspect of your gay life…

  11. OMFG! I have a pair of these!!! and i love them!! they are so fucking kool! you can have a pair of these and still be gay!! haha

  12. so running i can see, but i don’t know if i would do any other sports with them. as a volleyball player those don’t look like they would give all that much ankle support but, i’ve never seen a pair in real life so maybe i’m wrong. awkward looking sure but i wouldn’t mind trying a pair 🙂

  13. Wow… no one recognized that these were actually invented by Al Bundy! Methinks he’s owed some royalties. (married With Children… look it up)

  14. Jon,
    Actually I don’t consider myself butch or overly masculine at all. I just don’t find a need to have more than 3 pairs of shoes. I would rather spend my money on other things. If I had more than 3 pairs of shoes I can guarantee that I wouldn’t wear any other than the 3 pairs I mentioned before, since anything beyond that would require more decision making ability than I’m capable of in the morning.
    Plus this whole thing was just a secret dig at my boyfreind who collects converse shoes and it drives me nuts since our closet is filled with shoes that he never wears.

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