Over the summer, I put aside forty minutes of my life to watch the porno I appeared in when I was 18 years-old. It had been approximately ten years since the film had been made—shot at one of my fellow performer’s New Jersey Shore beach house in 2004—and this was my first time viewing it from start to finish.
(It can currently be streamed on Manhunt TV.)
My first attempt occurred shortly after I had just turned 19 years-old. I received a VHS copy of the movie from the director and popped it into the VCR of my college dorm room. With my pants around my ankles, I began to watch myself stripping down to a bright red speedo and failing to deepthroat one of the biggest penises I had ever touched up until that point in my life.
Shortly into my viewing session, an overwhelming sense of anxiety came over me, largely associated with the guilt of growing up Catholic and a slight sense of internalized homophobia. Tears began pouring from my eyes, as I asked myself a series of questions. Did I just make a huge mistake for the temporary thrill of exhibitionism? What if my friends, family or future romantic partners found out about this? Could this affect my professional future? For fuck’s sake, why did I even do this in the first place? Why don’t I ever think things through?
My hands darted toward the eject button. I threw the tape against the wall, but that wasn’t enough to cleanse my guilty conscience. To make sure nobody accidentally discovered my secret, I opened the plastic shell of the VHS tape, unraveled it onto the ground and chopped it to confetti-sized pieces with a pair of scissors. These were immediately thrown into the dumpster behind my living quarters, followed by a long warm shower with more and more tears running down my face.
Despite the shame, I would find myself bragging to guys on Manhunt about my adventures as a “porn star” named Evan Fury. Men found this fascinating. They would pry for details about the filming process, or in several cases, they would drop everything they were doing to pick me up on campus and get their asses rammed by a real-life teenage “porn star”.
Beyond that, Evan never really came up again. He evolved, to an extent, into a blogger named Dewitt, a character with a one-track mind who provided me with an outlet for my sexual fantasies. There was one point a few years ago when the two crossed paths.
Another blogger shared footage from my movie while I was employed by Manhunt. Knowing that my coworkers read his blog—and having had trouble with him in the past—I made the bizarre move of frantically explaining the situation to my boss, barely able to breathe as the words poured out of my mouth.
I honestly don’t recall what happened after that conversation (or during it, for that matter).
All I know is, a few years later I decided to drunkenly search for the aforementioned blog post and discovered it had vanished from the internet. My mind was set on watching my 18 year-old self in a gay porn foursome, and this somehow led to my discovery that the film’s available for streaming on Manhunt TV, right under my fucking nose.
If you’ve never had the experience of watching your 18-year old self have sex ten years after the fact, then I can tell you with some certainty that it’s awkward as hell. Tears were running down my face again, but this time, it was out of pure laughter. This was especially the case in a part where my costar Josh Kole went down on me. My skeletal body looked like a corpse, sprawled across the carpet like a murder victim from some prime-time TV show.
It made me want to apologize to every porn star I ever referred to as “boring”. We take for granted how much of porn is actually a performance. Most likely, you would be boring too if someone just snuck a camera into your bedroom. In the same way that stage actors have to exaggerate their movements for audience members in the back row, porn models have to amplify the sensations they’re feeling so it translates onscreen.
To make matters worse, I can remember how cocky I felt when I was on set, as if I were the Michelangelo of dick movies. My eyes rolled every time the younger of my three costars, Holden Grey, mentioned that he worked with Chi Chi LaRue. He wasn’t shit compared to me, I thought, as I relied on my one trademark move—a circular hip motion while I was deep inside a bottom’s ass.
The urge to share these thoughts with you came from a familiar place of guilt. Recent posts about Billy Reilich and Cory Monteith made me wonder how I’d feel if someone spread my personal business all over the place. With National Coming Out Day occurring today, October 11, it suddenly dawned on me that I shouldn’t let anyone else have that opportunity.
(And, yes, I realize there are some flaws in that logic.)
While a small part of me lingers on those questions I asked myself ten years ago, the time I’ve spent with Manhunt on the outskirts of the adult industry has made me realize that there’s no reason to be guilty or ashamed for what I’ve done. Sex is part of life, and I just happened to do it on camera for a paycheck… And you know what? I look back on the experience with fondness.
This is my time to come out as a former “porn star” and own that this is a part of my past I’ll never be able to erase. This is my time to punch all that shame I felt in the face. This is my time to listen to a super-gay dance remix of Martha Wash‘s “It’s My Time” and tell myself that this is my time, because in a way, coming out is more than just telling people about your sexuality. It’s living in truth, acknowledging who you are, who you’ve been and the potential for who you could become.
I am a one-time “porn star”, and you can watch my movie on Manhunt TV.
– Dewitt
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So is there a link to the video or what? Do we have to go find it somehow?
No shame, Dewitt. It’s just sex 🙂
There’s a link to stream it in the post.
Does that mean we’ll be seeing the kinder, gentler Dewitt now that you’ve “come out” (so to speak) as having done porn?
Please say no.
wow…the clickbaitiest of clickbaits……
can you shoot a homemade porn? I prefer you with the beard.
HAHA, NEVER.
Posted the link a few times in the post, but for those who missed it: http://theater.manhunt.tv/dispatcher/movieDetail?movieId=44406&locale=en&theaterId=63496&genreId=102
I’m not sure I’m notable enough to count as clickbait.
clicking through to manhunt tv page. well played sir.
Just telling people where they can watch it! ;P
Cruisemaster Roadtrip 6? I don’t see an Evan Fury in the cast..?
Look in the scene description!
“Description: From Chicago to New Jersey, with a stopover in an Alabama state park, Cruising for Sex continues our hardcore series about men cruising in the places men frequent when looking for some quick relief. Cast: Chris Neal, Scott Bradley, Josh Kole, Devon Cade, Evan Fury, Holden Grey, Dakota Williams, Tristan Foster. Directed by Keith Griffith. All videos are for sale only to consenting adults, 18 years of age and older.”
There is nothing “stupid” about that cock, Dewitt.
no comparison pics? then and now? 🙁
It’s condom porn. I don’t care. You should feel ashamed you wore a fucking rubber in a fantasy film!
I was thinking the EXACT same thing! Thank you!
I’ll give you one. You’ll have to work for the rest.
http://my.manhunt.net/DEWITT?r=mh_daily
Nope, definitely not ashamed of that.
I’ll never say never (even though I just said the word “never” in another comment right on this same page).
Come to Columbus. I’ll help.
Thanks for sharing this part of yourself! I’m curious as to whether/how the stigma of doing porn will continue given its prevalence these days and given the changing attitudes of younger generations when it comes to sex. Glad you’ve had minimal ill effects.
First let me say Dewitt is much hotter than Evan Chase. Is there anybody on this site who didn’t make choices in his youth that he questioned later (or is still 18 and making those choices?) I admire your decision to come out with this before someone else did.
It can’t be used against you in any way, and the feedback on this site is positive.
I knew I loved you for a reason…. or three. 😉
Dewitt, thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. As someone who is “Catholic by tradition,” I can totally relate to much of what you said here and find your honesty and vulnerability admirable. When I came out, it helped me to remember the words of St. Francis de Sales: “Strive to me nothing, save for what you are, and strive to be that well.” Happy Coming Out Day, brother.
Gives you more credibility as a gay porn blogger being you have been on that side of the camera.
Evan Fury, now Dewitt. Both pseudonyms. Never showing your face, until now. And we still don’t know what you look like today. Yet you say you are not ashamed……Interesting logic.
Fair assessment. I actually considered killing “Dewitt” today, but it’s more of a professional protection plan than anything else (if I ever decide to move outside of this industry or find myself in a position where I’m forced to do so).
And, yes, you can see what I look like today if you want to. I’ll pretty much unlock for anyone who asks on Manhunt:
http://my.manhunt.net/DEWITT?r=mh_daily
As one of your no doubt many fans who’s enjoyed the pics you shared and hoped for more, especially to see you in action, this wasn’t what I imagined–but it’s still great. Now you just need to do a present-day one so we can see how much better you’ve gotten with age, in every way. (As mentioned above, yes to the beard. Yes to comparing. And yes to more!)
Thanks for sharing!
If an Evan Fury comeback meant I’d get to have sex with someone like Colby Jansen, Andrew Justice, Paul Wagner or Bennett Anthony, then maybe I’d consider it…
Though the chances of that happening are slim to nothing, since I’m just an average guy in his late twenties. Nobody wants to hire me to do porn!
You with Colby Jansen or (AND?) Andrew Justice? Sounds like the kind of thing crowdfunding was made for.
Maybe you should think about pulling a Colby Keller and get that Indiegogo/Kickstarter going! 😉
There’s nothing average about you DeWitt, you are a master of the snark and a sexy cub, but as for potential scene partners, I was thinking of a daddy/son scene with you and Rocco Steel!
Now I understand why posts here are so frivolous and without any kind of criticism about porn or others debaucheries. This, once more shows to me that without a fake smile on a face and pretending porn and prostitution are ok, the whole thing doesn’t work. This awful news made me really disappointed and sad.
Lol. I have the video because Josh Kole was in it.
So let me get this right, you were ashamed to have been in porn, but not to make a living off it as a porn blogger – and you were comfortable telling people you are the latter? huh? People are weird.
how much money did you make from that :3
FC, you should feel ashamed for taking valuable oxygen away from actual human beings. You don’t deserve it.
Unless Dewitt was an evil monster going around doing really awful things, what gives any of us the right to judge him for what he did 10 years ago or for what he does today. We all have a right to our own lives and our decisions–whether they are good or bad decisions. Dewitt–Happy Coming Out Day.
All I can say is you have more balls than I did at that age! I never would have allowed anyone to film me having sex at that age.
Anyways congrats on the film and no longer worrying about it being out there!
Interesting write up about it as well.
Evan Fury sounds like a comic book superhero name. congrats on doing things that others just think about.