My apologies if this isn’t sexiest topic for our Have You Ever column. With that said? Most of us, at some point or another, have experienced performance issues. Perhaps you couldn’t get or stay hard. Maybe you couldn’t “finish” when the time came for the grand finale. Or, from an entirely different angle, maybe you couldn’t relax enough to sit down on that big dick, when you knew damn well that you could take it balls-deep on a good day.
It happens to the best of us.
And the sort of okay, maybe terrible ones like me! I had a few months in college where I couldn’t cum in front of anyone. While it certainly wasn’t the worst problem to have, there can be something deeply unsatisfying about not bringing your partner to completion. I was putting guys through that every single time we hooked up, and the more I had to say “next time”, the less there became a chance that there would be a next time.
So how did I get over it? I wound up meeting a guy on Manhunt who was in his thirties and, thereby, slightly experienced than the fresh young bucks I was fucking and sucking on campus. He was patient enough to wait for me and rub the right places, all while talking dirty about how good my cock felt when it was in his ass. I think once I stopped worrying so much about taking longer to cum than the average 18-21 year-old, I was able to let go and, well, enjoy myself with other 18-21 year-olds.
This isn’t all too different from the advice Colby Keller gave in his video about performance anxiety… But we all have different experiences! As embarrassing or emasculating as it might be, I want to hear your stories and solutions for issues like this. You don’t have to be afraid to share! Like I said, it happens to the best of us.
– Dewitt
Photo credit: Bait Buddies
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Because I not only have high blood pressure, but take antidepressants, there are a lot of times hen I can’t finish. No problem getting/staying hard, but when I’m having a rough day, no cum for you. Still, it feels great and sex doesn’t have to be all about the orgasm, but it is a bummer sometimes.
I’d take antidepressants if I couldnt cum too 🙁
The inability to cum sometimes is a result of the medication, not the other way around. Depressive mood disorder is a real medical condition, but when not on the pill, I can cum no problem.
question, i’d appreciate it so much if someone had some input. my bf goes soft most of the time i ask him to fuck me. he’s done it before, and EXTRMEMLY well might i add, but anymore he goes soft.
he says he doesn’t know why but i’m beginning to that he’s really just a submissive bitch and is afraid to disappoint me. i’ve tried to talk to him about it but all he ever says is idk and he just wants me to be happy in every way. i’ve also tried to express that i’d be completely ok with him bottoming all the time.
so I’m kind of confused why he can’t top me again since he’s rocked my ass so well before. (we’re in our twenties btw so i highly doubt he has ED) any thoughts? thanks in advance!
The one time I even tried to top. I got so frustrated with myself that I just gave up. I’m fine with never topping, but less okay with why that happens, heh.
luv to top it, pop it, n fuck n fill it up….be a top or bottom, its what we are, what we like….I get off on dominating a sweet tite boi cunt…eat it, chew it up…fuck it hard…damn hard thinking about boihole…fuck n fill…n talking to guys that luv to bottom….they luv to get fucked…its not their thing to fuck…they luv to GET fucked…me?…the thought of getting fucked…no fucking way…
I have this problem sometimes; I think it stems from being too cerebral about it. Just the idea of “Okay I have to stay hard so I can fuck” immediately makes my body do the exact opposite. It’s happened to me early in relationships until I got more comfortable, and its also happened later when I was worried about keeping it fresh. I’d say the best advice is not to pressure your boyfriend, go into the encounter without any expectations of what will happen. Also (and I know this sounds kind of horrible) it helps me to be a bit tipsy. Even just a glass or two of wine to calm me down and get me focused on what I’m feeling as opposed to what I’m thinking has done wonders to help me stay hard.
I didn’t read the blog post but thank you for featuring pictures of David Chase 🙂
Yea, try to get a bottom to top and it’s usually a non-starter.
first of all, does that kid have simba tattoo on his chest? im either in love with it or mad at it, cant decide.
onto the discussion:
1. know what turns you on
ive had a lot of sex. so, when it comes to one-on-one-in-a-bed-traditional-vanilla-sex, it takes me a little bit to get it up. it just doesnt turn me on anymore. so, when that happens, i usually start showing off with my mouth and once i get the other person moaning, i get rock hard. but, i usually dont put myself in that situation, because i prefer non-vanilla, and prefer to be the one pleased.
2. know the pace and what needs to happen
it usually takes me a while to cum. i always try to feel out if the dude is gonna be a blow-n-go or an all-nighter. and i find that out by simply asking how long it usually takes them to cum and i pace myself from there. if theyre not doing enough for me, i tell them exactly what they need to be doing to me to get me to cum (i.e. eat my ass, choke on my dick, kiss me harder, lick my pits, beg for my dick). and you are your own best friend, so sometimes its best for you to finish yourself off.
First off talk to him about it when not having sex or about to so he is not as self conscience about it at the time and he might open up more about feelings and or thoughts.
Also sometimes when skipping some of the foreplay for what ever reason why you did it can effect the mood and build up to actual penetration.
Also if your using condoms make sure it is not too tight and or hard for him to put on and look into one’s that make it feel like you have nothing on to give him more sensitivity. And make putting one on part of the play practice doing it with your mouth instead of hands.
Just make sure he knows he can talk open about it no matter what it is.
if u got a big dick it is really difficult to stay hard for longer than 20 mins on the go. So i find topping more difficult than bottoming usually (also most guys get a little scared lol) but getting hard has never been an issue (with guys anyway) although im still young so things could change…..doubt it though
I couldnt cum all my life. I’m working at relaxing when I’m with my boyfriend.I can keep it up, but I can’t get it out. As I become more relaxed, I feel I could cum soon.