Gays Ruin Everything.

John Polly is right! Gays ruin everything. To demonstrate this point, I’m going to spoil this post about John Polly’s hilarious (and accurate) “Gays Ruin Everthing” by talking about how much I want to finger-bang John Polly. The answer is a lot, and I just single-handedly ruined human language, because nobody even posed that as a question… But, gosh, I really want to give John Polly a rimjob, and voicing this opinion perpetuates the stereotype that gays only care about sex, and they write run-on sentences, in which they continue to ruin everything.

On a more serious note, I got pissed off when I watched that admittedly sweet video of a dude proposing to his boyfriend to Betty Who‘s “Somebody Loves You” in the middle of a Home Depot. I knew I should be happy for these guys and be glad we live in a country where they can get married—even if they can’t be wed in their own state—but my immediate reaction was, “It’s kind of disgusting that people are turning such personal moments as wedding proposals into VIRAL VIDEOS.”

I mean, I don’t know about you guys, but if I were about to ask someone to spend the rest of their life with me, the first question on my mind wouldn’t be how we could get millions of views on YouTube… BUT MAYBE I AM JUST BITTER AND HAVE NO HEART?

I don’t know! Gays ruin everything. Even the happiness of other gays.

– Dewitt

Watch John Polly’s “Gays Ruin Everything” video below: