ITEM – Sexy (but straight) British actor Jamie Bell’s semen works. His actress wife Evan Rachel Wood is knocked up. They got married last October, and I’m still salty at this bitch for stealing my man!
Remember when i said, “No baby on the way here” Well, I didnt know there actually was!pic.twitter.com/wnig1nRK Thanks for all your warm wishes. We are very happy. I’m gonna be a mama!
How dare you rub it in! I would have given him a baby. Somehow. Besides, you’re damaged goods. You repeatedly had sex with Marilyn Manson! How do you come back from that and land someone hot?
– J. Harvey
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ITEM – Speaking of hot Olympic speedo jockeys, dumbass Ryan Lochte is getting his own reality show. This might actually be watchable seeing as he’s kind of a douche and that might make for entertaining television. Plus, he seems like a fratty type who probably drops trou a lot for giggles so that’s a plus. Oh shit, wait, it’s on E!. Pixellation. Useless. This should be on HBO. They allow cock shots on their shows.