Gay Ass Gossip: Is There A Joe Jonas Sex Tape Coming Out In Which He Licks A Dildo?

ITEM – SCANDAL! This is one way to revive a flagging career. Word on the streets says that Joe Jonas of the Jonas Brothers taped himself having sex with some model chick and it’s going to be released online on April 3rd. This is probably some sort of badly timed April Fools Joke (the 3rd?). But if it’s actually a thing, the deets of what went on are AWESOME. We’re talking ball gags, paddles, and Joe licking pussy juice off a dildo. I bet he wasn’t a novice at the dildo licking. 

They proceed to engage in multiple sex acts utilizing a variety of sex toys, including a large dildo, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle. Joe participates willingly, but seems less sure of how to use the sex toys, as well as how they will be used on him. He does not enjoy being paddled. At one point he has had enough and cries “Owww! Don’t do that anymore!” Blanda is the more dominant one in the video. At one point she inserts the dildo inside of herself, orders Joe to “lick my p**** juice off of it,” and he complies.

Sign me up. I can blank out her pussy with my mind powers. The girl in question (his current girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler) has been Tweeting that something big is happening on 4/3. She’s probably releasing an air freshener line or something stupid. But if it IS a sex tape to further her career, and it features one of the gay Jonases sucking on a dildo? YYYAASSSSSSSS.

***

tumblr_mcaor1k3wj1qdaw5vo1_500

ITEM – I was horrified this Christmas Eve when, under the influence of a couple of chocolate martinis, my mother confessed that she had read 50 Shades of Grey and “loved it.” Oh, spare me my mother revealing she enjoyed reading about bondage and butt plugs. It’s Mommy porn but not for that Mommy. Every straight lady I know seems to have read that smut. I seriously need to revise my Jimmy Kimmel/Michael Cudlitz slash fan fiction and turn it into Mommy porn. That bitch cleared millions!  Anyway, the very bodied Arrow star Stephen Amell is in talks to play the dominant dude in that book, Christian Grey. Has anyone out there read this shit? Does HE wear a butt-plug? Do I need to go see this? For right now, I’ll stick with my Arrow parody porn. 

***

abscam-movie-christian-bale

ITEM – First person to name this actor in the comments will get a prize! Hint: He’s done with you professionally. That is one jacked-up combover.