Gay Ass Gossip: Britney Spears Made It To 30!

[Ed. note – Last week’s GAG(!) contained only one item because it was a holiday week and all of the celebrities were freebasing turkey, and not doing anything outwardly salacious.]

Remember back when we all thought Britney Spears was going to tap out of life because she was running amok, and obviously letting bipolar disorder, pharmaceuticals, bad taste, and creepy hangers-on get the best of her? Just pretend you do. Well, Brit has proven everyone wrong by making it to 30! Today’s her birthday, and we salute her country girl done good in Hollywood ass!

She’s still (sorta) on top of the pop scene, has gotten her shit together with the help of her captor father, and is apparently in a stable relationship. Here’s to another 30 years of lip-synching to hot tracks, filled-to-the-max Daisy Dukes, and whatever this was….paint bukkake?

We need to tie a hot guy into every post, so that’s not Britney, that’s Brandon Stoughton. He’s the model from the “Womanizer” vid.

For more “Gay Ass Gossip”, Follow the JUMP:

***

If this lady’s story is true, then someone might want to liberate the slaves in the engine room of the S.S. Scientology Is Fucking Crackers. Tom Cruise, care to comment? Australian Valeska Paris claims that she was held captive on Scientology’s cruise ship, the Freewinds, for TWELVE years. She says that her imprisonment was a result of her mom quitting the church, so they basically took her hostage.

Paris also tells a story about how the ship hosted a giant birthday party for Tom Cruise one year, and how a cold sore got her ass sent to the brig. Well, the brig WITHIN the brig.

[Scientology head] “David Miscavige saw that I had a cold sore, and I was assigned to lower conditions and I was put in isolation for 4 days,” she says. She explains that she was assigned the “condition” of “Treason,” which is below “Enemy” but above “Confusion.” I was in “Treason.” So I wasn’t allowed to go to Tom Cruise’s birthday.”

You best use your Campho-Phenique if you want to meet Tom Cruise, bitch! Another interesting detail (courtesy of DListed) was Scientology axing women being allowed to escort Tom Cruise around during the party because

“He said, ‘Tom Cruise is coming and I need really good service, so who’s going to serve him?’ A woman spoke up. ‘No, no, it can’t be a woman, because he’s so good looking, any woman would fall for him.’ So a guy had to take the job,” she says.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. *sigh* HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH. Gay.

***

Jennifer Lopez’s post-divorce trick is getting a little too big for his dancin’ britches. JLO’s backup dancer Casper Smart (whom we wrote about a little while back) is sick of all the lies and untruths being reported about him and that big-assed diva.

“I don’t understand how people can speak on other people or things they know nothing of??!!! #CRAZY Off to Morocco!!!!”

“Why are ppl judging @Caspersmart no 1 knows how long @JLo was separated be4 she announced the divorce ppl need 2 stop being so quick 2 judge.”

Kid, settle down. You’re good for about another month, and then you’re off the tour and performing at Six Flags. Have you ever been to one of those shows? A co-worker here at MH SWEARS it’s really Michael Jackson in that impersonator show!

824 thoughts on “Gay Ass Gossip: Britney Spears Made It To 30!

  1. If you’ve seen Casper Smart, then you know why JLo latched onto him. Top grade beefsteak!  And JLo obviously knows how to cook beef. No remarks about Clooney and his girls 30 yrs his junior, why hassle JLo for getting some of the good stuff too?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.