World AIDS Day may be far behind us, but that doesn’t mean we should all pack up our red ribbons and forget about HIV awareness. People are still living with HIV. There’s still stigma against those people living with HIV. To make matters worse, people continue to spread misinformation about HIV.
Our job isn’t done yet. With that said, you might be asking to yourself, “How can I solve this problem? Donate money to an AIDS charity? Volunteer at a clinic? Get tested? Know and disclose my status? Communicate with my partner(s)?”
Yes, all of those are good things! But here’s an idea to start with—stop being suck a dick to people living with HIV.
We received an e-mail from a young man named Rory. You might otherwise recognize him by the name of JelloSlapper, a former Manhunt Man of The Week and our fourth place finisher in the Man of The Year countdown.
With the support of AIDS Calgary, Rory has started a new video series to promote awareness and share his experience as a 23 year-old man living with HIV. Click through to watch the first installment.
– Dewitt
Lying is criminal….choosing to believe what may be a lie is stupid. HIV is to be respected, not feared.
Congrats on your decision and all the health of the world!
I don’t want to be *that* guy but there’s an awesome type-o in this entry… (stop being suck a dick, manhunt!)
I’m also really happy that you guys are talking about HIV awareness. Just because World AIDS day is once a year, doesn’t mean that HIV takes a break the rest of the time! 🙂
and how long have you been positive. cause everyone before they become pos talk s**t about others with hiv and wont even touch them. people only change their view when you become pos your self and i know this for a fact cause i once did it my self never talked shit but wouldnt touch someone with hiv. people will judge regaurdless cause even if you say hiv isnt a death sentence it is we are going to die regaurdless we can not be cured you just have to learn to deal with living with it thats it it happens nothing we can do to change it people lie that have it yes thats what happened to me someone lied about being neg and bam one month later. so why take meds etc and live all healthy like when it doesnt change anything just will make you die sooner then with out or vise versa.
This hott and sexxxy bromo has been a little to hott and sexxxy, (ie; careless). Still lovin those kissable lips. Lets hope he continues to take care of his health.
AIDS or HIV is such a depressing subject. Many good looking pretty men with hot gym boies are HIV positive. I use to dream of meeting and hooking up with a hot Puerto Ricanwith a gym body in el Bronx or else where in NYC and Philly. I had a big crush on a hot Puerto Rican with I started messing around back in the 90’s. We met through the Latino Fan Club personals. When I first met him, I wanted to sleep with him and he wouldn’t. He said, I was a nice guy and he just wanted to be my friend. I felt hurt and rejected. Once returning back to D.C., he called me and told me, I was attractive, but he had HIV and he also was a male professional call boy. We became the best of friends, but I lost touch with him over the years. I am hoping he’s still alive. I am so thankful, he was honest with me because he didn’t have to tell me and slept with me, as he did with so many guys in NYC, the U.S., and around the world.
I commend you for being son honest and open. I wish there were more people out there like you. It has to be hard enough and to have to worry about people not wanting to associate with you at all and all the mean things. Remember to let it make you a stronger person, dont let the mean things bring you down.
Seriously? Try being 19 with HIV…..maybe I should’ve made a web video >.<
STOP
AND THINK ABOUT IT, THERE’S MORE TO US THAN THE HIV ISSUES THAT WE FACE
EVERY DAY IN LIFE. IT’S NOT ONLY THE “STRAIGHT” COMMUNITY THAT BASHES
US, BUT OUR OWN “GAY, BI, LESBIAN AND TRANSGENDER” COMMUNITY ALSO BASHES
US WITHIN.
If we are going to love and respect our fellow GLBT family (and our straight family as well), we have to accept everything about them, hiv poz or hiv neg, it doesn’t matter. Love doesn’t have any boundaries, and neither should we as people. I too am hiv poz and have had more than one hiv neg partner and they are still safe. Get the education that you need about hiv and stop lying to yourselves and everyone else about what you know on the hiv virus and how it’s spread. Ask someone that is HIV POZ and befriend them as they can be the one’s that really educate you about it and so forth. Don’t turn away because of your FEAR of the disease, embrace the person and the education that you can get from them. It’s not only benefiting you as a gay man or even women, but it’s helping everyone that is around us.
And on a much lighter note…So does the hat ever come off?? Even during sex??
WHY should we said we are positive or not to a sex partner?this is something private, there is no need to spread the news!!or people think to have unsafe sex?people do not use condoms anymore?so what s the point if i am positive or not?In Europe, this is a private matter and you can choose to inform if your are + o r not but this is not the first thing your are being asked as it so unfortunately happens with north amercian people..i do not understand why?
I know what you going pass , im HIV+ too and its not easy to have a normale life with all this ignorance of people . The only one think I can assure you be strong with your self and don’t forget your real friends arenext to you for all your life..
Congrats for saying what we all have wanted and needed to say. It takes strength and courage. Keep it up. Integrity shines above all!
Inspiring video, it really does make u think.
Some of the messages u received that we’re shown in that film are vile and I cannot believe that people can still be so small minded around the issue of HIV.
mario, Id rather know someone is pos before I sleep with them or not. I think its a pos person’s responsibility to be open and honest about it. Wouldnt you have rather known before sleeping with someone, and knowingly have taken the risk, as opposed to being infected because you didnt know and you were unsafe? Yes, guys go through a terrible and difficult time after being diagnosed positive. Many have this, fuck the world, why should I be carefull now, Im gonna die anyway” attitude. Guess what, we’re all going to die sooner or later, positive or negative. The disease is out there, and its opportunistic. But give the negative guys at least a chance to decide for themselves whether they want to risk infection or not.
I also found out I was poz at 21… I’m 22 now its really hard man to disclose my status. But I guess what he said really resonated with me and if people aren’t willing to be with me because of my status its there loss. Rory you give me courage to disclose my status and bro your extremely hot! 😉
This is a hard video… makes me question my own actions if i were to meet and hook up with man status HIV+… will admit that i usually pass on profiles that have it posted… dont like to think of myself as a closed minded guy… dont want to pitty this guy, and im not, yes i feel for him, but more so feel for myself… makes me realise it could easily be me!
About 5 years ago I met a great guy, we talked on line and on the phone. We decided it would be cool to meet. Before he came to my house, he told me he was HIV+, All I said is, “I have condoms and we will only do what we feel comforable with.” We hooked up a few times and discovered we were better off as friends. And we became great friends, we would hang out, do thnggs like shop or go to movies together.
My friend was also a diabetic, and unfortunately, he succumbed to diabetes. I miss my friend to this day. He was a great man.
About 5 years ago I met a great guy, we talked on line and on the phone. We decided it would be cool to meet. Before he came to my house, he told me he was HIV+, All I said is, “I have condoms and we will only do what we feel comforable with.” We hooked up a few times and discovered we were better off as friends. And we became great friends, we would hang out, do thnggs like shop or go to movies together.
My friend was also a diabetic, and unfortunately, he succumbed to diabetes. I miss my friend to this day. He was a great man.
I guess the moral of this story is, he was honest and I am educated. We took the proper precautions and showed each other respect. Out of that respect grew a friendship that i cherish. I am HIV- and all I ask is honesty. And people need to be educated
Ito be educated
Pardon my bad typing
And Manhunt – YOUR site could help minimize the stigma by offering both hiv+ and hiv+/undetectable to better educate the broader population. The site refuses to do it…and so in many ways I do fault you guys for help maintain the stigma and nastiness towards those that are hiv+ and more importantly, have the moral compass to be honest about it!
and the old online rule should always apply – assume the guy is hiv+, is not on meds, may not know it from no testing, etc..and practice SAFE/protected sex. I’ve interacted with far too many online guys that say negative and are truly lying about it.
Sad.
I agree. Having to come out twice is rough. Manhunt does NOT help by making those of us who are POZ feel like we are not wothy of being on their site.
Right on dude for coming out about ya status , even after 30 yrs. of HIV/AIDS being around , sum folks are still ignorant about it , usually small town folks are closed minded , but we have to educate them. Good luck and God Bless Ya . I,ve been poz for over 20 yrs. and have a luver whos neg and we’ve been together for 14 yrs. ! Ya can live a normal life , fuk stupid folks !
Ok i am Hiv – (at least last i checked) and i must admit if a guy tells me he is hiv + i will have doubts. I am always safe in sex, but there is always that 1% chance that condom breaks… Maybe its mean and uneducated of me to think all this but i think of my safety first. To give you an example i dont have bareback with my boyfriend until i am sure we are both neg. I dont beleive hiv+ people are stupid or deserve hell, thats just dumb and mean. But i would tell the guy that i am unsure and scared of the posibility of being positive. Maybe he can educate me. I guess its probable that i already have slept with someone +, so maybe i shouldnt overthink things but i think that in the scenario where i am told by possible fuck that he is +, i will have second thoughts. I will be straight with him about it, but i dont necessarily want to take a risk to myself just for sex. For a boyfriend, that is another story. but for a one timething i can reconsider the sex.
Please tell me how wrong i am, and educate me. I know i am do not have prejudice towards other people whatever it is that they are different from me about. But no prejudice is something that applies to social interaction, talking etc… but for sex, well its also my body that comes into play.
PS: I am impressed that you would come out this way about your status. I find that really admirable. I honestly am not sure if i would do the same if the situation was reversed.
I think you are an amazing man. To bring this subject to the forefront in this type of forum. Good for you to take a stand on your well-being.
I think there are so many misconceptions to HIV. I volunteered at an HIV/AIDS clinic for a few years. I met many people who have are dealing with infection. I also had the privilege of working many doctors who specialized in HIV/AIDS and other infectious diseases. The most important think I learned is that there is so much incorrect information being put out there, and so many people are completely misinformed about HIV, including people who are poz. It frustrates me to no end because if you live a life where you are at risk, or if you are positive, you’d think people would make it their business to educate themselves. We had people come into the clinic thinking they know how and when they contracted HIV, and by who. Their test results (viral load, cell count, etc.) and their stories about the activities they engaged in when they said they contracted HIV completely contradicted their beliefs though. As far as having a “HIV+/undetectable” feature for profiles, I don’t see why that is necessary. Let me explain my thoughts on this. I once spoke with a guy on manhunt. He told me he was poz but “It’s ok, I’m on meds and undetectable” I asked 3 of the doctors at the clinic about this and I was told that being on meds and undetectable does decrease the risk of spreading HIV, it is still very possible. My own research supported what the doctors had said. So undetectable or not, a person is still poz and needs to live their life as such. There is a ton of discrimination against people with HIV. The doctors at the clinic used help people deal with this struggle everyday. Their advice was always this: The only people you NEED nto disclose your status too are those who you plan to be intimate with. Beyond that, it is your choice to tell people or not. They advised telling one or two people close to you who you trust so you have support, but you don’t need to disclose your status to the world if you don’t want to. The best advise I’ve seen is so far is assume every person you hook up with is poz and protect yourself. Don’t depend on others to protect you. Remember, 25% of people are poz and don’t know it, and there are people out there who do not and don’t tell people or straight up lie about it. Find credible resources to educate yourself (be extremely careful online) and always, always protect yourself. As far as people who are poz, they are people. Being kind, hugging them, touching them, and being a friend and loving them will not infect anyone. If you were poz, how would you want to be treated?
Using condoms and not being in contact with semen is the only correct way to have sex with someone you don’t know and not asking for his private life..that is my opinion.. it seems that becoz you are +, it is necesarry to justify yourself and begging pardon, like “there is something you should know about me…”.why?.If EVERYONE takes his responsability, do SAFE SEX, nothing bad will happen and nobody has to tell about his privacy..
Blah blah blah…..this guy is sitting there bitching about people changing their minds about sleeping with him….who the fuck cares…I don’t have HIV…its a personal choice I make not to sleep with HIV positive people because I (personally) choose not to and I don’t want to take the risk…..I hear a lot of QQing in this video…..
PS….just because they can’t handle or choose not to sleep with you dude doesnt mean they aren’t good or nice people worth having as friends.
Well thanks to the bareback trend in porn, all it does is normalize & desensitize unsafe sex…Interesting that this update is next to a Seancody barebacking update…See any correlation?
Mario!!! You are very un-educated in sex!!! There are other ways of contracting HIV! INFORM YOURSELF!!! Ignorance is bliss in Europe apparently. Why be a follower when you can be a leader!?!?!?
It’s people like you, with that type of mentality that keep spreading this disease…. WAKE UP!!!
Great vid and I think the guy is awesome. I would def date him and get to know him.
He’s seems like he’s got his head on his shoulder and he’s making something out the hand he was dealt. Good for him. Sorry for all of us for discriminating against him.
In Canada, it is a legal responsibility to inform one’s sexual partner (hetero or homo) if one is HIV-positive, before any sexual contact takes place.
I think the video advert is a great way to get discussion going . . . yes, it sucks the way some hiv-negative guys will treat or behave with hiv-positive guys . . . but with more discussion and education, that can be changed.
As for me, I’m hiv-neg, but probably about 1/3 of the guys I’ve dated have been hiv-positive. I educated myself, and talked alot with the guys I dated so we were both on the ‘same page’.
oh,really?Please educate me: what are the other ways of contracting HIV?Preseminal liquid during oral sex, for example? I know that..so,use condom!What else?shaking hands?come on..and please, do not say that i am spreading that disease!!it is very offensive and unpleasant..don’t be so agresive..we are just exchanging diferents points of view..I have mine, you have yours..
I certainly appreciate differing opinions. But to be frank, yours obviously reflects your negative status and not understanding what it is like to be hiv+ and endure “diseased” references, “dirty” allegations, etc.
I think you miss the point – many other sites DO in fact offer a distinction between hiv+ and undetectable – the main point being risk factor. Think about it, even with safe sex, if a condom broke and the guy’s viral load is undetectable vs. 100,000 – there is a WORLD of difference in risk factor. My physician says for undetectable and SAFE/protected sex the risk is <4%. Some might argue that's a safer risk than a guy who has a profile that says either don't know or worse yet don't care.
And also consider that maybe the "sero sort" crowd might want to align only with fellow undetectable status guys. Perhaps unfair, but we to do tend to be healthier, take better care of ourselves, abuse alcohol and drug and cigarettes far less than many mainstream "negative" guys. Just saying.
In no way is my reply to yours meant to be an attack on your opinions.
i would like to answer to Morne.Why do you say” give the negative guys at least a chance to decide for themselves whether they want to risk infection or not.” ? .Why should they have to risk any infection?I personlly never ever put my sex partners in any risky situation!I wouldn’t ever..i am not a murderer so.All those guys who have BB sex, for example, is so crazy!Be safe..that is my point of view and i can understand people have other..
Actually I don’t take it as an attack at all. I respect a mature and honest response. I just realized I had some typos in my post that may have lead you to misunderstand me. Someone who is on meds and undetectable, yes you’re right, the risk of transmission is dramatically decreased, it is still a possibility. 4% is 4% and condoms should be used regardless of being positive, negative or undetectable. I simply made that remark not because I don’t understand, but undetectable or not, it is still considered to be poistive. I was referecing that because there are guys out there who are undetectable and lead others to believe that they cannot infect them, that it is the same as being negative. And I also made a point to mention how we need to protect ourselves and act as if any sexual partners we are with may have HIV. What I should have said was may have an STD or STI in general. As far as my negative status and not being able to understand, you are partially correct. I am negative, but my best friend in the world is positive. I was with him when he found out, I was there for him everyday helping him cope after. I went with him (and still do sometimes) every 3 months for 2 years to get his blood taken and tested. I saw the look of fear on his face as he handed over the paperwork to the person at the blood lab because he was ashamed. I was by his side when others who don’t know his status have made “diseased” references, “dirty” allegations, etc and so on. The most heartbreaking part is that he was given this disease by his ex who he loved and trusted, who was cheating on him left and right, with out protection. He never had unprotected sex or exchanged bodily fluids with anyone until he was in a committed relationship for over a year and they both got tested. Thankfully he is now on successful meds and undetectable, and healthy. He almost went broke because his insurance had a prescription drug cap $3,000 per calendar year. The medication he was taking was $1800 + for a one month supply (30 pillls). So not only did he lose coverage after just 2 months, he then had no prescription coverage at all until January of the next year. He was able to order the generic version from a Canadian pharmacy, but that still cost over $230 a month. Thankfully the laws have now changed and insurance companies can no longer get away with this injustice. He is the reason I began volunteering at the clinic. So I may not know what it feels like to positive from my own personal experience, but I’ve been as close as one could get without actually being there. Much like you said, this is also not meant to be an attack on your reply to my post, but I thought I’d clear up some of things I typed and also give a little more information into my background and experience with this.
From his story in MMOTW entry about his hottest hookup with a “rig pig”: “I can’t resist, I start licking that hole and I get it as wet as I
possibly can. I then start teasing his hole with my cock until he starts
to whine because he wants it so bad. I spit on my dick one last time
before i stuck it in him. After he relaxed a bit I pounded that bitch
hole as hard as I fucking could, he came first, and then when I was
about to cum, I pulled out, and shot my load all over his dick, and then
I spit in his face.”
I hope he informed the rig pig he was HIV+ before barebacking him.
“And everyone should have the balls to say something…” If he disclosed his status on his MH profile like I’ve seen other poz men do, it would weed out a ton of men who have a problem sleeping with an HIV+ person.
I can understand how most HIV+/AIDS guys feel. Discrimination, especially among the gay “community,” is rampant. It’s all a part of the lookist, ageist bigotry that exists within it. However, I’ve interacted with HIV+ guys who are just as prejudiced and distcriminatory against other guys because of their looks/age. Of course, there will be those here who will rant against what I just said, saying that “preferences” are not the same as prejudices.
Oh, yes they are. They are the same.
On another site, I saw a profile from a member, a guy in his late fifties, who has made it quite clear that he only wants “young” (under 25) guys who would put an A&F mannequin to shame and would set the cover of a GQ magazine on fire. He even blocked anyone who didn’t fit that description from contacting him. And then he followed his “preferences” with a rant about how other guys discriminated against him because he’s HIV+. Let’s be honest here. A guy who’s 37, has some extra pounds and has a face that wouldn’t stand out will not cause a partner to face an incurable, mortal disease. But a guy like this one, with his “prefernces” and a contagious, deadly, incurable disease, does. Who the hell does he think he is?
Again, I can feel for HIV+/AIDS guys who feel that they are marginalized within the gay “community.” But how many of them, while suffering from being ostracized, think about possible partners while also thinking “I’m only into guys who are…” How is that any different from other guys saying “I’m only into guys who won’t give me a deadly disease?”
Manhunt is a hook-up site, it’s funny to see so many people talking about this. Perhaps if guys weren’t sleeping around and being so careless with their health? What exactly does he and others expect. most guys don’t wanna sleep with someone sick. It’s just a preference right?
With all due respect Dean, I’d like to offer a different opinion to this. I have seen many posts in recent months from others who share your view on the recent bareback trend in porn, but I feel differently. The actors in these films are consenting adults who, despite getting tested, are well aware of the risks of unprotected sex. It is their choice whether or not to participate in these films just as much as it ours whether or not to watch them. Information is out there and everyone is educated from a very young age as to the risks of unprotected sex (gay, straight, etc.). Millions of people go into movie theaters and watch horror films every year, does that mean they will walk out of the theater, pick up a knife and stab someone because they saw it in the movie and now they think it’s ok because they saw it on film? If I watch a porn containing bareback scenes, it will not make me go out and have bareback sex. If I did, and I contracted some form STD or STI, it is certainly not the porn that’s at fault. I can’t help but think of my mother saying to me when I was a kid (and I’m sure many other parents have said this) “If you’re friends told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?” I just have a long standing issue with people blaming the media (movies, music, television, etc.) for the actions of others. I actually have a cousin who has an 8 year old son. One day he said something completely inappropriate that he had heard while watching an episode of Family Guy. My cousin and his wife looked at me and blamed the tv show. My response: “Your son is 8 years old and in 3rd grade, why are you letting him watch Family Guy? Now that he’s repeating what he sees on a show that has a rating and is not meant for children, you are blaming the show when you allow him to watch it?” Sorry for the ramble Dean, but does it make sense my what I’m trying to say? I respect your opinion, I just don’t think we should blame others for our actions when we are aware of the consequences of those actions and have the free will to make our own decisions. The producers or performers in these films are not exactly putting a gun to anyone’s head and making them go out and have unprotected sex.
You’re an asshole
I was 16, a few months before i turned 17. I started dating an older guy… it was obviously going to be just a summer fling. I let him bb me after a few weeks of dating. We broke up when he got crazy half way through the summer… Jump forward 2 years. I see him out again, my friends tell me he’s been HIV+ for at least 6 years. I dodged a huge bullet. I almost turned out HIV+ before I even became legal to fuck. Ever since then, I have hated people with HIV. Im ashamed that I judge all of them because of the actions of one psychopath, but he still almost ruined my life, and I almost let him.
admirable that he would “come out” a second time, as he described–kudos to him for doing so! But, as someone previously mentioned, I do wonder how Rory felt about HIV+ guys BEFORE he himself seroconverted… did he perhaps share some of the ignorant views that he is now on the receiving end of?
Or, is this merely just a symptom of modern gay (dare I say?) society whereby ANYBODY outside a narrow definition of “desirable/worthy” is treated with disdain & indignation? Think about it: replace HIV+ with “fat”, “femme”, “Asian”, or “older than 30” and we ALL know those individuals have faced a barrage of similarly ignorant & cruel comments. Sobering thought.
Take your meds, be honest, eat well, don’t over do the party and you could live a long happy life.
Went back and reread his interview and it is clear this dude was a total slut and was careless. If you are hooking up with anyone now and days it’s best to assume the worst and wear protection/etc. Even in a relationship the safety isn’t really there. The question isn’t about honest online disclosure its why are you so promiscuous and dumb?
that is so true Im 22 and Im Poz , I use to have a Neg boyfriend for 2 years and he is ok. Know you status and help to protect others. HIV dont kill ignorance does.
VERY well stated… I agree with you (and yes, my parents used that “bridge” line often and persistently!) LOL
Out of curiosity, how/when’d you contract it?
it isn’t a “point of view” or “your opinion” if you’re saying it’s a realistic chance that you can catch hiv from precum during oral sex, it’s false.
floss/brush more regularly and not directly before shoving someone’s dick in your mouth and remove the ejaculate from your mouth (spit or swallow) when they cum and your risk is minimal.
(a tiny exception: cold sores… which can be painful during oral sex so you likely won’t partake in oral sex anyways)
human error and miseducation are the only reasons why there is “risk” involved.
What an extremely moving video by a very courageous young man! I wish you all the luck and good health in the world and remember that the people who behave like that towards you and other HIV+ people are not worth the time of day.
@ Morne, I wholeheartedly disagree with you. It is NOT anyone else’s responsibility to safeguard your health but you yourself. I’m HIV- [I’ve actually NEVER had an STD in my life] It’s about 7-years now that I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship, yet I still get tested twice a year and will NOT have unprotected sex with my partner/ boyfriend [whatever you want to call him] simply because we both travel a lot for our work and although I trust him I respect and understand the fact that he’s male and human and that there is always a chance that he might slip and have a one-night-stand. He’s NOT responsible for my health, that task is mine! If I’m so stupid as to have unprotected sex and I end up with an STD [of which HIV is one of the worse] then I’m solely to blame, it’s a simple case of NCNS [No Condom, No Sex] and as clear an understanding as I can get from doctors etc as to what behavior is risqué/ dangerous [semen/ sperm in the mouth and other things like that]
@ ANTZ, what is so very ignorant about what Mario or myself are saying? Personally I think the ignorance comes from those who think that if they ask and shun they are more likely to remain healthy when nothing is less true. People lie about their status or just don’t know and assume that they are uninfected. So you shun the guy who honestly tells you what his status is and go on your merry way with the guy who “honestly” tells you that he’s HIV-. Keep in mind that just because a man tested HIV- 6-weeks ago doesn’t mean that he hasn’t contracted the virus in the meantime. That is why I recommend: to always and only engage in safe sex practices, be aware of what puts your health at risk and what doesn’t then there is NO need to treat one person like a pariah while placing your health at risk based on a possible lie or assumption that your partner of the moment is HIV-. Besides, when did this become a discussion of the USA vs. Europe? And why do some people [Americans or Europeans] think that the only correct way is their way? If you’ve read my comments closely you’ll notice that at NO POINT have I suggested that my approach is best, I’m sharing my way of doing things with my Gay brothers around the world but it’s up to each one of you to decide if you see merit in my approach or if you feel that another way is best. All I wish for is that everyone remains healthy, that eventually there will be a cure for this awful disease and that those infected are treated like everyone else with dignity, respect, sympathy, empathy and that they will find love with the man of their dreams.
Why do so many need something to feel superior about and to look down their nose at others?
It NEVER seems to end; first it was race then it became body shape, age, popularity, income and now [it seems] HIV status.
my opinion and point of view were about telling or not a sexual partner if you are positive or not..I knew as well perfectly what you told me..but why taking this minimal risk ( your words) if you can avoid it and that they do not ever ejaculate in your mouth!!very risky..but everyone is free to asume the risks.as for me , I would’nt..
@Rowin: I totally agree with you.A very wise way to see the situation.We all have to do our best to stay healthy and keep the others from the diseases, all them.
In the state where I live whether you were dating him or not That would be considered statutory rape.
Lets hope the “rig pig” he hooked up with was before he got infected.
But, if the fact that he doesnt put it in his profile, and does disclose at a point in their conversations, isnt that an opportunity to educate and let the other person see that HIV+ men are just like normal guys except for the HIV part? Arent we supposed to connect with the ‘person’? A lot of people who are uneducated miss out on great guys (sex or not) because they are ignorant.
I think the biggest problem with guys fears of HIV is that it reminds them of their mortality and forces them to look back at all the risky shit they have done in the past. It’s kinda like that old adage ‘if I dont talk about it, it doesnt exist and cant touch me’.
Another thing that blows my mind is guys who post their status as ‘neg as of 1/19/10(ex). Ok…sorry but what the fuck does that prove…if you have done ANYTHING with a guy that was not totally 100% protected since the time that blood was drawn, your test results are invalid.
Get to know the man, respect him and his honesty: Respect the disease, dont fear it: and above all, dont lay blame unless you lay it at your own feet first, you make your choices.
I state on my MH profile that I’m negative even though I’m positive (and undetectable). Many of us do the same thing. Negative guys would be well to accept this reality for what it is.
Which begs the question: Why should sites like MH ask the question in the first place? (European hookup sites don’t.).What matters is behavior–namely safe sex (which I now consistently practice and is emphasized in my profile)–not status.
Seriously? WTF? You’re right that we should all assume that
the person we’re sleeping with is HIV-positive until proven otherwise with a
test for which we’ve seen the results ourselves (and even then, who is to say
he/she is trustworthy enough to actually follow through on being monogamous??)
However, you’ve admitted that you’re a damn liar. You are no
different from my ex of 6.5 years who insisted he was negative the entire time
we were together while the truth is that he was positive and exposed me to the
virus. (That said, I should have insisted on a test and I should never have let
my guard down about his promiscuous attitude so as far as I’m concerned, I take
responsibility for my part in my exposure – but still, he was and you are
nothing but liars.)
It’s a pretty pathetic life when one “knowingly and
with real intent” goes out of his way to lead others astray by telling
them he’s HIV-negative when in fact he isn’t —– only with the idea he might
get a good fuck out of doing so in the process!
As for the question, “Why should sites like MH ask the
question in the first place?” Perhaps to limit their own liability when persons
like yourself are out there misleading their potential conquests just to get
their rocks off? It may even be a question that is now required by law (I don’t
know; can’t find anything to support that but it wouldn’t surprise me any the
less).
And for the record, the ONLY “safe” sex is
abstinence. Yes, using condoms falls within the realm of “safER” sex
but short of abstinence, there is no such thing is 100% “safe” sex. Condoms
can break or those using them may not be doing so “PROPERLY”
(decreasing their effectiveness) … and of course, there are other STD’s for
which condoms may offer little to no protection whatsoever. I’m not trying to
preach or say, “don’t have sex” —- only saying what is true. Hell,
I still have sex myself on occasion but it’s always with a condom and ONLY
after I’ve had that dreaded conversation, “I’m HIV-positive.”
As for “hookup sites” —- I generally don’t
bother with those anymore. Most who are using such sites are doing so only to
hook up and have sex and quite honestly, that just isn’t so much my scene
anymore.
In closing, “Share your status, not your/our
disease.”
I beleive I knew this young man. When I was living in alberta, and going to school. I have talked to a number of positive people and their reactions are similar. From the way they are treated, they seem to have almost resigned themselves. It is horrific that things that were said in the conversation he showed, but not unbeleivable. I have never come across this situation myself, of having to decide to sleep with a positive person. And so I do not know what I would actually do, but I do know that I would never be that cruel.
Invariable this is another trial to face, and one of the worst. That is only compounded not only by ineducation, but also by insensitivity. Even those affect by this terrible disease are still people, even though most seem to thing they are not inherantly worth less. No one deserves this kind of treatment.
You all preach about ethics are rules,morality and obligations, but that not the reason he made this video, as least in my opinion. It was to convey the message of how different people treat him and how they act toward him now. I’ve known a number of people that have gotten infected, and they are getting younger and younger. I was shocked when I heard about this man, moreso becuase I knew him. But I do know that he doesn’t deserve being treated so horribly. He is truly a nice, and kind person.
Oftentimes most forget that things like this do not dictate your life, you are still a well rounded individual, with a full life. yes when your focus is on sex something like this seems monumental, but that does not give you the right to treat them as any less of a person than you are.
You’re right, Michael. I’m a liar in this respect. And there are thousands and thousands of us on MH alone doing the very same thing, any one of whom could be your next trick. This is why it serves no practical purpose to list HIV status in profiles and no reason to rely on what is stated in someone’s profile. Therefore the only thing that really counts in this regard is consistent adherence to safe sex. Status, listed accurately or not listed at all, doesn’t really matter.
There is no legal reason for MH to include this question. MH simply chose to do so. And in my opinion, that makes MH party to HIV-related stigma, as stigmatization begins with categorization.
Undetectable just means its at a stance and not spreading, growing . You will will always be POZ untill they find a cure if ever !
I’m hiv* and this guy really inspires me a lot,sometimes is so difficult to face the true life and keep going,specially with your friends,my family loves me and respect me,but I don´t think I can tell to my friends,I hope this change some day……
I’m hiv poz and I don’t lie and say I’m negative, and I don’t know many who do. Most of us either put ask me or nothing at all. This just shows how pathetic you are.
How am I an asshole? Millions of people are living with HIV every day, and its suddenly a big deal when a hot guy has it?
November of 09. My ex cheated on me multiple times and we were careless. Had to change my posting name.
and it didn’t work…..fuck.
I couldn’t agree more. If it weren’t for the denial and ignorance on the subject, alot more people would be educated and understanding about what is a manageable disease.
Deliberately lying about one’s HIV+ status to a sex partner is a crime.
Thank you. I totally get the “so I feel like a pariah” b.s. and understand the temptation that some people give in to when they mislead others to believe they’re HIV-Negative when in fact they’re anything but … but for me it’s all about integrity. I’m HIV-Positive. Am I happy about it? Hell, no but it’s a fact and since this is my burden to carry in life, I’ll carry it and I’ll do the one thing that IS within my power… I’ll be honest about it and demonstrate some level of integrity. If that means I never have another serious relationship or enjoy a good shag in the hay, so be it. At least “I KNOW” that my conscience is clear and I didn’t take the easy way out just to get laid. (FTR, that in no way means that I’m infallible. Christ, I’ve got as many faults as the next guy I imagine but at least I can safely say “this isn’t one of them.”)
You’re NOT an asshole (as somebody else accused you of). Yes, I’ll admit that your earlier comment kind of struck me wrong also. I did a double take and my first thought was, “How dare he diminish the message that is being sent here by pretending that he’s got it any tougher than any of the rest of us who are HIV-Positive just because he’s nineteen.”
But I think I understand your frustration. You’re just really beginning your adult life and this is something you are saddled with… Something you have to deal with and repeated reveal every time you’re thinking about getting into a sexual relationship with someone else. It isn’t easy; it NEVER gets easier, no matter how many times you have the conversation (because we never know what the results of our dreaded conversation will be).
We ALL want to be loved by somebody; we all want somebody to love and God forbid, it isn’t made any easier when on top of all of the other hurdles we seemingly have to overcome … we have to make our own way through this one, as well.
Some will say, “Well, you should have thought about that when you were carelessly having sex with one whose status you were unsure of!” That’s easy for them to say but really, it’s not as simple as all that. When we “think” we’ve met somebody we are falling for and want to spend the rest of our lives with, we usually don’t want to upset the apple-cart by setting sexual boundaries. We “should” (set those boundaries and expectations) – but many will leave their “common sense” at the front door and instead, choose to do whatever they think might keep their guy (or gal) interested in them.
So no, you’re not an asshole. You’re just a guy (younger than myself at the “tender age of 48” … ROFL! … hey, some humor is needed) who is dealing with the hand he’s been dealt. And yes, you’ve made a valid point… Millions of people ARE living with HIV every day and it’s every bit as big a deal for them as it is for the “hot guy” (your words, not mine) who posted about his experience in this video.
Namaste.
You might try clearing your cache on your Internet browser. I don’t know
if that will work (to change the name you’re posting under) or not but
it might be worth a try.
Everything you said I know. I know the disease, it killed enough of my friends. And I have had SAFE encounters with poz men, AFTER we talked about statuses.
This is also from his stories: “One of the most unusual places, isn’t really too unusual, but it was the
first time I got fucked and was totally blown away. I met a guy on
manhunt, and he was a sexy crane operator, and he wanted to pick me up
on his way home from work. This was in the DEAD of Winter, and it was
-35C out. We could not go to his house and my place was unavailable, so
we drove around until we found a place to park, we finally found a place
down some dirt road at the edge of the city. I wasn’t planning on
getting fucked that night I just wanted to taste his sweaty balls and
cock and mess around in his jeep. Next thing I know he has me bent over
the passenger seat and he is eating my ass, after a few minutes of that
he slipped his cock into my ass, and it felt so god damn amazing I
didn’t want it to stop, I wanted him to fuck me so hard that his cum
came out my ears! After we were finished the windows were so fogged up
and iced over, we had to spend 20 minutes scraping the ice off the
windows.”
Doesn’t sound like there is much conversation going on during his hookups. If you don’t disclose before an encounter, then don’t feel you’re not being respected if the guy changes his mind in the middle of the hookup, feeling THAT is the best time to disclose. Respect goes both ways.
Thank you….you stated my point alot better than I could.
My post had to do with Manhunt’s choice to ask the question in the first place. Obviously there wouldn’t be any opportunity to lie about one’s status in our profiles if we weren’t asked the question.
I now consistently have only safe sex. I don’t do anything sexually that could potentially transfer the virus to someone else. Therefore there’s no reason for me to publicize the fact that I’m positive. That’s of course not necessarily the case with many poz MH members who say in their profiles that they are negative. And that’s the reason it serves no reliable reason to ask the question in the first place–namely, because what’s stated in a profile shouldn’t be taken as the truth anyway.
You have a fair point. It is pointless to ask a question so many lie about. But it does show a lack of integrity to lie about your status. If you don’t want to admit you’re poz for the world to see, that’s fine. But to lie about it is unfair to you, and it’s unfair to others. At least put ask me or don’t put anything at all. You don’t have to tell everyone, but as was already pointed out, even using protection can fail.
great man i live few hrs from you would love to meet see how we click not scared of getting to know a guy like u and see where it goes e mail me man
You are correct, Jerry. There are state and federal laws making it a criminal act if you lie about your status and do anything that infects another person. It is seen as manslaughter and even murder. Of course there are people trying to repeal and fight these laws.
Hey HIV + guy here and I know the guy that made this video. I personally believe that it’s our right to disclose our status even though everyone ‘should’ assume that everyone has it. i became infected by a one night stand where the condom broke, to this day i still don’t know if the guy knew and didn’t tell me or he didn’t know himself.
i do find it sad that younger and younger individuals are contracting this disease. I kind of put the blame though on lack of education and knowledge on the subject, and believe that our youth need to be better educated starting in school.
i’ve personally had a hard time with it, the rejection from friends, family and numerous times but potential prospects. I’ve come to terms now after 4 years of being POZ that this is how life is going to be. Nothing is easy and now yea it’s a tad more difficult. I just have to contiunue living my life and being the best person that I can be. Everything will be alright in the end.
Just get yested peridocially, ask the question are you before hand and use protection always.
I knowingly dated an HIV+ guy because I was interested in him. He broke it off because of trust issues on his part due to the date rape incident that infected him. I held no animosity towards him and hope that he was able to get the counseling he needed. As for Rory, if he was living in my neighborhood, I would show him the respect he deserves as a human being. And in the long run, that’s what it’s all about–respect.
@The way it is.. : I totally agree with you.Tne most important is not to put the sex partners under any risk of getting infected and practise safe sex..no need to do anything else.HIV status is something private as long as you practise safe sex and that there is no risk for the other person..
Great job, dude! At this time I’m in a 2 years relationship and I felt in love with my boyfriend when he told me he was HIV positive just before the second time we were about to have sex. Of course i din’t fall in love because he is HIV+ but because he trusted on me and had guts to tell me he was positive. We are safe and happy like that. Just got tested 2 weeks ago, I’m negative and plan to be like this. He is healthy taking his medicine 3 times a day.
Best whishes.
Cheers from Brazil.
It’s easy and simple: Safe sex!
Rory you’re hot, funny and one of a kind!! even though I just wanna say something nice you may not get it the same way I tryed to express it, but I’ll try anyway.
A little challenge from life! it’s just that a challenge. it’s a big one for you but as you clearly seen, people can be expressing themselves in a very bad way, lucky you are in a way that you have family and friends to love & cherish you when you need it 🙂
not everyone as the same regardless of they’re suituation… my point is just for you to be a little bit patient my young friend what ever you are looking for you will get. love or parttime buddy someone will open up and you’ll be, I hope, happier :o)
Francky
U know sometimes Im ashamed to be gay, gay people are so hateful and judgemental just saying…………
i know how u feel fuck off, i am 23, and a 58 year old gave it to me, yes i like older, yes my fault, but still, oral sex one time and 2nd time with a man
i feel cheated and my prime of life is gone, he got his tho, he got his and will die at retirement age unlike me
THEY ALSO BASH US BEY TRYING TO INFECT OUR OWN PEOPLE AND WE ARE ONE OF THE FEW MINORITIES THAT RATHER THAN HELP EACH OTHER AND STICK UP FOR US, (ONLINE THAT IS), WE TRY TO INFECT AND HARM ON MANHUNT AND GAY.COM AND OTHER SITES. NO WONDER SOCIETY FEARS US, AND BEING BI, I FEAR US TOO
IM DYING YOUNG, HE GOT TO LIVE, SO
FOR A GROUP SICK WITH GREED AND DECEPTION: GET WELL SOON.