This is a weird one, guys.

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Anyone who grew up watching the Ren and Stimpy Show will clearly remember Powdered Toast Man, and if you didn’t grow up with it, or have children that forced you to watch it, there’s really no explaining it to you. Ren and Stimpy was a weekly exercise in absurdist surrealism wherein a dog and cat lived as a homosexual couple and had various and sundry adventures (usually involving nudity and sexual innuendo that should have appalled my parents a lot more than it evidently did), and interspersed within these adventures were completely unrelated characters and stories. Like in Rocky and Bullwinkle. There was a lot of ‘something you’ll really like‘ interstitials going on in Ren and Stimpy.

 

 

Such was the character of Powdered Toast Man, a super hero and product mascot for whatever “powdered toast” actually was. It’s never really explained very well. The Ren and Stimpy Wikia had this to offer:

He is apparently made entirely of Powdered Toast, as he can produce fully formed Powdered Toast by flicking his wrist or by separating his head (which is made of two pieces of toast) and scraping the interior with a butter knife. His head is therefore depicted as being made of two identical pieces of toast, each complete with a face.

By day, Powdered Toast Man is Pastor Toastman, a “cool youth deacon”. His disguise is composed of a pair of thick black spectacles and a pastor’s collar, a possible parody of Superman’s thinly disguised alter ego, Clark Kent. Pastor Toastman’s office also serves as his headquarters, and he is served by a lovely young female assistant named “Catholic High School Girl” and it is strongly suggested that the two have a romantic relationship.

He’s basically naked 100% of the time except for those gloves, boots, and briefs, and encourages people to “cling tenaciously to [his] buttocks,” which are muscled and dexterous. The best I can offer you for clarity is this ten minute PTM story featuring the voice of Frank Zappa as the Pope:

 

 

That’s weird right? Well all those kids who watched this homoerotic insanity grew up eventually and started drawing their own versions of Powdered Toast Man, which is what brings us here tonight.  I give you, the top seven disturbingly explicit PTM illustrations the internet has to offer.

 

 

It’s no wonder with this kind of childhood entertainment why I ended up spending so much time looking for cartoon porn as an adult (although, I’m not 100% comfortable with the idea that sometimes PTM’s cock is actually a breakfast sausage, however on-theme that might be).

Yikes.

 

– tyler