Earlier today, I posted on both Twitter and Tumblr about a “hypothetical” new television program called Celebrity Power Bottom. What I neglected to say earlier is that it already exists! The first season was filmed several months ago in my living room, but unfortunately, all video footage was destroyed after a disgraced contestant lit our editing room on fire.
Thankfully, I remember every single moment like it was yesterday, and I’ve gone ahead and written up recaps for each episode of the first season. Who won the first musician-themed round? You’ll have to keep reading to find out! The answer might (not) surprise you.
– Dewitt
Read our exclusive recap of the first episode of Celebrity Power Bottom below:
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CONTESTANT ONE:
JOEY FATONE: A former member of the ’90s boy band ☆NSYNC. After Justin Timberlake abandoned him to become super famous, he moved on to have a successful career as an actor in such great films as My Big Fat Greek Wedding and On The Line. Later, he won over America as a contestant on Dancing With The Stars, leading to gigs as the host of The Singing Bee, the announcer for Family Feud and a guest host on The Price Is Right.
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CONTESTANT TWO:
CHRIS BROWN: A questionably popular R&B singer who loves to play the victim card, despite having shown little to no (believable) remorse for beating the shit out of his girlfriend several years ago. Known for such hit songs as “Kiss Kiss”, “With You” and “Forever”. Also, known for hitting.
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CONTESTANT THREE:
STEVE GRAND: A fame whore who caused a media blitz when some dumb gay (and non-gay) blogs referred to him as the “first openly gay country star“. He later went on to deny that he’s even a country singer, which makes sense, since “All-American Boy” was basically just a bad rip-off of Lady Gaga‘s “Yoü and I“. Oh, and his ass looks like this.
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CONTESTANT FOUR:
JUSTIN BIEBER: An inexplicably famous brat with his own fragrance and a gaping boy cunt. Known for dating Selena Gomez, singing songs about fondue and being a huge bottom who can handle dicks of any length, girth or shape. We have high hopes for his time in this competition!
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ROUND ONE – ORAL SEX:
HOW IT WORKS: Each contestant sucks my dick for a time period no longer than five minutes.
Joey Fatone is up first. He swallows my dick down to the base before my pants have even hit the floor. One of the other contestants makes a “fat one” joke about how he probably thought my shaft was a hot dog, but I’m too distracted by the former boy band star’s hoover throat. Just when I think I’ve seen all he had to offer, he take me all the way down (again) and proceeds to tongue my balls with his nose buried in my pubes. I get so close that I tell him his turn is over. He’s staying in the competition, no matter what.
Next up, Chris Brown starts with a swirl around my little soldier’s helmet. He licks up and down the length, and just when I think he’s being too timid, he takes every inch down and gags on it. He goes back up and then comes down harder and hungrier, his dick throbbing between his legs with pre-cum dripping off the tip. He starts licking my balls, then sucking them. When I pull back and tell him to be careful, he grabs my nuts and tugs on them with all his might. I scream in pain and inform him that his turn’s over.
Despite my insistence on a short break, Steve Grand is eager to prance his way into the spotlight. He drops to his knees and starts licking my taint like a little princess, moving his way up to my balls. The whole time, his eyes are pressed on the camera, and he repeatedly states “mmm” over and over again. I take a step back and let him know his turn is over. He crawls forward and grabs for my dick, looking back at the camera on his way…
Bieber smacks Grand out of the way, pushes me down to the ground and inhales my cock like he’s done this a million times before. After going semi-limp from Brown and Grand’s antics, I feel myself getting harder. My balls tighten up, and I know what that means. Bieber tries to keep sucking, looking up and telling me how much he wants to taste my cum. The on-set security guards have to remove him.
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ROUND ONE – RESULTS:
Chris Brown is eliminated. A good bottom knows how to read his partner’s body language and take a hint when too much is too much. Brown’s insistence to get into heavy ball play didn’t vibe with me, which is a shame, because I was looking forward to hate-fucking his ass.
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ROUND TWO – ANAL PLAY:
HOW IT WORKS: The remaining contestants must bend over and submit to various forms of anal play, including but not limited to rimming, fingering and toy play.
All three contestants put their hands against the wall, arch their backs and line up in a row. I approach Joey Fatone and part his big, round cheeks. I’m greeted by a perky pink pucker, surrounded by a light ring of dark hair. After taking a moment to admire the wondrous sight in front of me, I dive right in with my tongue. He tastes incredible, clean with just a hint of sweat. As he moans sensually, he grabs my head and pushes it forward, almost inaudibly whispering, “Oh yes, give it to me”. I slide a finger in gently, making a gradual move toward his prostate. A few quick motions with my finger, and I hear him going again: “Fuck! I want you so bad.”
With my dick throbbing, I move over to Steve Grand. He separates his cheeks for me in anticipation, looking back at the cameraman for his approval. He’s got a very pretty, smooth hole. I’m surprised by how much I want it, but when I move in closer, my nose is greeted by a strong and rather flowery fragrance. Hesitantly, I move my tongue forward and give him a tiny lick. He tastes like soap. Wanting to still give him a chance—how could I not with an ass like that—I spit on my fingers and rub my saliva onto him, navigating my way to his sweet spot. He starts moaning before I’ve even penetrated him. “OH, YES, BABY,” he shouts. “GIVE ME THAT BIG DICK, YOU STUD!”
Bieber’s up next. He’s a hot piece of twink ass (see here), so I was pretty pumped to see what he was working with… Until I saw his hole. It was utterly repulsive. Worse than this and looser than it had any right to be. On the verge of puking directly into the gaping abyss in front of me, I directed my stunt devil over to take my place. He fell into Bieber’s hole.
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ROUND TWO – RESULTS:
Justin Bieber is eliminated by default. Good stunt devils don’t come cheap, and we still haven’t retrieved mine from the depths of Bieber’s love tunnel.
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ROUND THREE – FUCKING:
HOW IT WORKS: The top two finalists take my dick until they cum (or I cum first).
The Bieber incident might have been a bit of a boner kill, but nothing was going to stop me from getting a piece of Joey Fatone’s ass. He dances forward in my direction completely naked and reaches behind him. Before I know it, he pulls a lightsaber out of his meaty ass and lunges forward. This alarmed me at first, until I saw him drop to his knees, lower the lightsaber to the ground and begin to roll a condom onto my dick with his mouth. Holy scrotum! I throw him down, lift his ankles in the air and tease his hole with the tip of my dick. He grabs it, and pushes it all the way in. The expression on his face is priceless, half pleasure and half wincing in pain. I try to give him a moment, but he’s already grabbing my ass and bucking his hips to get me in deeper.
He pulls me in close for a deep, wet kiss. I don’t ever want to stop kissing him, but he pulls back and starts sucking on my neck and nibbling lightly on my ear. I grunt and growl, then pull up and pop both of his big toes into my mouth. He laughs a little and tells me that he’s ticklish. I respond my moving one leg over and positioning him on his side. He begs me for more and I give it to him—doggystyle, against the wall, on his stomach and in every position known to man. The way his ass is jiggling drives me nuts.
Eventually, once he’s returned onto his back, he shoots several streams of cum all over himself. A thick wad hits his chin. Another one is spotted on his forehead. He takes a little bit off his belly and licks his finger, with my dick still buried all the way inside of him. “Thanks,” he says. “I needed that.”
Steve Grand frantically rushes onto the set and rolls Joey out of the way. A Lady Gaga song begins playing over the speakers, and he starts twerking for me in a desperate way that recalled the girl from this video. He gives me a lapdance, telling me to put a condom on and “fuck him hard”. I roll on the rubber, position him on all fours and attempt to give him what he wants. He cries out and tells me that he wants to ride on top. I’m not opposed to this! I could use a break after working Joey’s hole for so long.
Steve directs me to a spot right in front of the camera. He leans forward, gives a huge wink and proceeds to sit on my dick, riding it like crazy and shouting all sorts of weird, obscene things. “WORK OUT MY BOY CUNT! I LOVE YOUR BIG HARD FUCK-STICK!” As hot as it is to watch his round ass move, I pull out and cum on his face to put an end to it all.
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THE WINNER:
Duh, Joey Fatone takes the top prize. Steve Grand’s showboating was a big turnoff, and it was clear that he was more interested in making love to the camera than riding my dick like a good little slut. Joey was flawless from the very beginning of the competition. We imagine he’ll do very well in this season’s grand finale!
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I always had a crush on Joey Fatone. I never pegged Lance bass as gay. I always thought it would be Chris Kirtpatrick
Oh my God, Dewitt. This is sheer genius. You are on fire with this post. Well played. Very well played. Oh and showing Steve Grands ass was a wise decision as well. I was so hoping he’d win but alas it wasn’t in the cards.
He came very close! I should have just pinned him down and gagged him in the final round.
Your words and the visual give me a firm boner. In my version, that’ll be how it happened.
“stunt devil”
photo please