Bryan Hawn Should Stop Teasing & Just Do Gay Porn Already.

Oh, hell no! I am so done with this shit. Earlier this week, a Manhunt colleague sent me a link to Bryan Hawn‘s new “parody” of Miley Cyrus‘ “Adore You” music video, which looks less like a parody than an excerpt from one of Fratmen‘s “Humpmaster” compilations… Not that there’s anything wrong with that! I’m the last person to slut-shame another dude on the internet, but in this instance, I sort of want to prude-shame him for not throwing that blanket off and blowing a huge-ass load directly into his own mouth.

Or, hell, maybe we should take it one step further? The way he’s squirming around on that bed, it seems like the prelude to seven dudes busting into his bedroom and pumping his muscular ass one-by-one. Basically, Mr. Hawn should just move into the Sketchy Sex apartment complex and shampoo his hair with semen (or whatever those sex-starved whores do with themselves). He should take a lesson from Chris Crocker and milk his soon-to-fade YouTube fame for what it’s worth.

– Dewitt

Watch Bryan Hawn basically doing gay porn below:

Bryan Hawn should do gay porn.

Bryan Hawn should do gay porn.

Bryan Hawn should do gay porn.

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14 thoughts on “Bryan Hawn Should Stop Teasing & Just Do Gay Porn Already.

  1. That ass is out of control. I want to drive my face (and then my dick) into it. YUM! (Still doesn’t make me like the song, though)

  2. Wow. I think he has a beautiful face.

    Dewitt, let’s start a petition! Is there a Pornstarter site?

  3. well boys, he definitely has a great body, but I’m afraid his heart is spoken for… there’s no way he could love anyone more than he loves himself… lol.

  4. Dude is smoking hot but he might want to review the definition of parody (as I see you “noted”). I agree, he needs to be MORE naked and having a dick up that beautiful ass wouldn’t hurt either…especially if it were mine. DAMN.

  5. I was going to say the same thing. It’s a shame he’ll never love anyone nearly as much as he obviously loves himself…or at least his muscles. I bet his bedroom is lined with mirrors.

  6. Wow, he’s hot, but that was really painful to watch. I basically had to fast forward through the whole thing. It takes a special kind of person to think that the world should watch him roll around for a few minutes.

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